… the thread I’d hoped I’d never have to start. I kissed him good-bye when I left for work, and came home to find him dead on the couch.
He hadn’t been feeling well the last couple of days, but ever since coming home from the hospital he’s been as secretive as a feral cat, not wanting anyone to know that anything was wrong with him. So I didn’t realize how sick he was - apparently - or I would never have left him to go to work. We’re broke as shit so I prioritized going into the office over staying home to care for him and if I’d been here I could have called 911 or started CPR or whatever might have kept him alive, and that decision can never be undone.
They just wheeled him on the gurney out of our home an hour or so ago. (Black-humor aside: the wheelchair ramp this dad built for him probably made their lives easier.) I waved good-bye.
I totally haven’t processed what happened yet. I haven’t even cried – his aunt screamed at me for that. But within minutes of finding him our house has been filled with official folks (including at least a half-dozen cops & detectives, because a death in a residence apparently triggers an automatic homicide investigation) and I’ve only had a few moments to call some of my closest friends, and to puke in quantity because they make you leave the house while doing the investigating and it’s hot and humid and the love of my life has just left me.
That’s awful! Please don’t blame yourself. No one can be there every moment. You loved him and you did everything you could. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Gulp. I don’t believe I ever posted in your thread when he was hospitalized, but I followed it with great anticipation that he would get better. And I thought he was. And now this.
I have no words except condolences and peaceful thoughts.
I don’t know anything about his history and whether he has been sick for a while, but I am so very sorry to hear of your loss.
You may not cry right away, or ever really. We all process loss and shock and grief differently. That may end up upsetting some people. Be as merciful for them in their ignorance as you can stand to be.
