The Partnership for a Drug Free America is trying to get your kids beat up

[Johnny_Angel]

An ad put out by the Parternership for a Drug-Free America lists the following as ways of saying “no” to pot. In my opinion, whoever authored this ad is a moron, and I don’t mean borderline. Most of these quips are what I believe the kids call “lame,” and they not only invite the other kids to argue and apply more pressure, but some of them will put someone’s ego on the line, possibly leading to intense pressure or even violence. Again, these incessant attempts by teen watch groups to insinuate that the behaviors they want from kids are “cool” are pathetic, and kids see through them. Organizations like PDA lose a lot of credibility because of shit like this.

77 Ways to Say No To Weed and Still Be Cool

1. No, I already eat too much junk food.
2. No, what do I look like? A hippie?
3. Top three answers on the board, survey says… no!
4. No thanks, I’m into reality.
5. Got a pen? Write this down… No.
6. No, not now. Ask me again in a billion years.
7. Right now’s no good. How’s never?
8. Two words? N - O
9. No, the weather just isn’t right for it.
10. No, I never smoke on days that end in y.
11. No, weed’s a bit too twentieth century for me.
12. Haven’t you seen the fried egg in those ads?
13. Look at the time. Gotta go.
14. No, we might all end up on one of those cop shows.
15. I’ll pass.
16. No way, put it away.
17. Are you crazy?
18. Sorry, I got stuff to do.
19. Not today, not tomorrow. How about never?
20. Nah, I have plans today.
21. See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya.
22. No can do.
23. Nope. Smell ya later.
24. No, I’m allergic.
25. No, but if you have any chocolate…
26. I’ve got to get home and walk my dog.
27. No, I only smoke sausage.
28. No, I don’t know where that stuff’s been.
29. No, grass is for mowing.
30. No, I don’t have any money for potato chips.
31. Nah, I hate anything green.
32. No, that’s cruely towards plants.
33. No, I might wind up in one of those ads.
34. I don’t have time for drugs.
35. I don’t do the pot thing.
36. I don’t want your life.
37. Sorry, I’m on a drug-free diet.
38. Uhhh… let me think… no!
39. Not now. Maybe in the next millennium.
40. You must be mistaking me for an idiot.
41. I don’t think so.
42. Poof! Be gone.
43. I’d rather eat my mother’s mystery casserole.
44. No, it’s not my style.
45. No. And get a life while you’re at it.
46. I’m on my way to the mall.
47. Did you just ask me if I wanted to do drugs? I didn’t think so.
48. No, I don’t talk to strangers, stranger.
49. I don’t want to have “pot” breath.
50. No, weeds are for wacking.
51. No, I’m already weird enough.
52. What does this look like, Woodstock?
53. I prefer my brown eyes to your red ones.
54. My parents did and look at them now.
55. No, it’ll violate my parole.
56. What part of “no” don’t you understand.
57. I’ll say it slow for you, “nnnnnnooo.”
58. How do they say “no” on your planet?
59. No, I have a very busy schedule.
60. No, no, a thousand times no.
61. No offense, but no.
62. Gee thanks, but I’m high on life.
63. No, somebody might see us.
64. No. Get it? Got it? Good.
65. No, my imagination is good enough already.
66. No thanks, I already feel paranoid.
67. No, I might forget my locker combination.
68. No way, I might be tempted to eat school food.
69. No, if I want to look stupid I’ll become a mime.
70. Let’s not go there.
71. No, you might be an undercover cop.
72. No, I got places to go, people to see.
73. No, in fact, never.
74. Not tonight, I have a headache.
75. No, I like my brain the way it is.
76. No thanks, I might get kicked off the math team.
77. No, and that’s my final answer.

[Initial_Entry]

The only people I’ve ever seen who liked those adds were people already smoking a lot of pot…

(Thus demonstrating that pot smokers have a fine grasp of irony, at least)

[neutron_star]

Somebody got paid to come up with that list? Pot breath? I hate anything green? Christ, this list redefines lame.

It should be noted, of course, that the PDFA receives 75% of its funding from alcohol companies. That’s why they’re so anti-pot; reefer is the competition.

[matt_mcl]

2. No, what do I look like? A hippie?

“No, but you sound like an asshole.”

10. No, I never smoke on days that end in y.

“Ah, bon, joyeux mercredi.”

27. No, I only smoke sausage.

I’m not even going to bother.

[DoctorJ]

I really hate it when groups like this try to look “cool”. I think their ideas of what teenagers find “cool” come from 1.)adults, and 2.)the kind of teenagers you’d have working for a group like this, who as a rule have no idea what most teenagers consider “cool”.

Let’s examine a few, shall we? (I’m bored.)

27. No, I only smoke sausage.

I don’t feel this requires any additional comment.

76. No thanks, I might get kicked off the math team.

Or you could just say, “Kick my ass! Please! I want you to kick my ass!”

11. No, weed’s a bit too twentieth century for me.

“Oh, wait–it’s still the twentieth century! Pass that shit over this way!”

3. Top three answers on the board, survey says… no!
4. Got a pen? Write this down… No.
5. Right now’s no good. How’s never?
6. Not today, not tomorrow. How about never?
7. See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya.
8. Nope. Smell ya later.
9. Uhhh… let me think… no!
10. What part of “no” don’t you understand.
11. I’ll say it slow for you, “nnnnnnooo.”
12. How do they say “no” on your planet?
13. No. Get it? Got it? Good.
14. Let’s not go there.
15. No, I got places to go, people to see.
16. No, and that’s my final answer.

If there’s one thing I fucking hate in this world, it’s Teenagers Spouting Smartass Catch Phrases. This was true even when I was a teenager. If I heard someone offering any of these responses, I would watch the ensuing well-deserved ass-kicking, then step up myself and administer a follow-up ass-kicking.

Also, note the Family Feud reference in #3. I only vaguely recall Family Feud (the Ray Combs years), and I’m about 8-10 years older than the target audience here. How many teenagers are going to get that? I think this proves my earlier point–this list is the product of adults who mistakenly think they’ve got their finger on the pulse of today’s youth.

24. No, I’m allergic.

I really always hated these people. I didn’t do any drugs in high school (didn’t even drink), but I didn’t make up any allergies to justify it. (I know that there are people with genuine allergies, and I’m not talking about them. I had some friends in high school, and even today, who would make up “allergies” on the spot to avoid anything unpleasant. Bioethicists call this “abusing the sick role”.)

68. No way, I might be tempted to eat school food.

Do school food jokes still go over? There’s just something so “Leave it to Beaver” about them.

46. I’m on my way to the mall.

An excellent reason to smoke up, if you ask me.

12. Haven’t you seen the fried egg in those ads?

This is another outdated cultural reference–are those ads still on? I know it had to be at least ten years ago when they first aired.

I will add, though, that much of the list takes on a new life when you imagine them not as ways to say “no” to pot, but rejections to a man who has walked up to a woman and shown his penis.

Dr. J

[Lissa]

A group of friends and I were discussing this the other day. Out of the seven people in the room, none had ever felt “peer pressure” to smoke pot. When it was offered, they simply said, “No thanks, man.” and the response was almost always “Okay,” and a shrug. Who would want to waste their weed by forcing it on someone who doesn’t want it?

[aenea]

You’ve got a very good point there. I’ve seen a lot of people smoke pot, and a lot of people decide not to. Not one person (smoker) was ever upset that other people didn’t want to smoke.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

I will add, though, that much of the list takes on a new life when you imagine them not as ways to say “no” to pot, but rejections to a man who has walked up to a woman and shown his penis.

Dr. J

You, sir, are directly responsible for an administrator damn near peeing in her pants. I just HAD to go back and re-read that list with your suggestion in mind…

[ReservoirDog]

Yeah, pretty much if you’re sitting in the circle and you say “No thanks”, you just get skipped. No pressure, no problems. Stoners are generally pretty easy going about that sort of thing.

[Drain_Bead]

29. No, grass is for mowing.

Who, other than people who last saw pot in the 60s, still calls it grass?

55. No, it’ll violate my parole.

That’s probably the only really funny one on the list.

52. What does this look like, Woodstock?

Depends on which Woodstock…would that be the peaceful muddy love-fest of the 60s, or the commercialized, $3 for a bottle of water in 90-degree weather, riot-marred Woodstock of a more recent era? I can tell you which I’d rather see…

What’s so bad about “No, thanks”? That’s what anyone who is even the least bit socialized would do.

[aenea]

Stoners are pretty easygoing about that stuff. Totally unlike many drinkers I know of. I bartended for 4 years, in Montana, which is a very hard drinking state.

There are people there that will get downright angry if a person will not drink with them. Hostile and angry, and sometimes violent. It’s wierd. I could say a bit more on the subject, but you get the point.

[SingleDad]

All (and I mean all) my friends in Jr. High smoked pot. I decided I didn’t want to and it was no big deal.

Very few of my friends in High School smoked pot. I decided I wanted to, found some, and smoked up.

[Mojo]

The pamphlet title should be “77 Ways to come across as a out-of-date prick whilst refusing drugs”. In fact, that would make a good OP for MPSIMS. Add your own:

“Sorry, Daddy-O- grass is for squares.”
“I’m on my way to a trust-busting.”
“Isn’t hemp only for jazz musicians?”

[Shadenwawa]

I will add, though, that much of the list takes on a new life when you imagine them not as ways to say “no” to pot, but rejections to a man who has walked up to a woman and shown his penis.

50. No, weeds are for wacking

Dr. J, you rock.

-S