So it’s 9:00pm right now, and I just tried to leave this godforsaken company building to you know, actually eat dinner, and somehow I managed to TURN ON MY HEADLIGHTS IN BROAD FUCKING DAYLIGHT this morning, and left them on all god damn fucking shit ass day. Dead car battery. Empty lot. Security guard curiously absent. 4 degrees outside. Power locks, too, so I can’t even get inside, let alone worry about jumper cables. I’m 20 miles from home. Fuck me in the goat ass.
Just fucking perfect.
DUDE!
It sucks to be you. Been there, slept on my desk, done that. That night, it sucked to be me. Considered calling the head of the Security Dept?
You mean you can’t unlock your car door with your key? Wow, that’s weird.
And to think I was just gonna say that 
Damn, foiled again…
The key wouldn’t go all the way into the lock, which is definitely weird. It worked on the passenger side when I tried it this morning, though. I’ve got an appointment scheduled at the dealership tomorrow, so I’ll be getting that taken care of. I called around and a very gracious friend came and took me home, in case anyone’s wondering. Today, be default, has to go better.
You’re not a member of an auto club?
Wow, I thought I was the only one who’d ever heard that skit! Well, go to sleep now old man: you’ve got a long day of drinking and beating the fuck out of me tomorrow, so get your rest!