So I missed my menses 3 months in a row, and my doctor gave me hormones (Progesterin) to kick start my cycle when I started spotting. After having taken the 10 day course of pills, I have now been having the MOTHER OF ALL PERIODS. I had to take a frikkin percoset yesterday to get a break from the cramping (after two prescription-strength Naproxen did not help) Not to mention I’ve been going through a super sized tampon every 11/2- two hours and sometimes even bleeding through that. I even loose extra blood when I sneeze. And every time I go to the bathroom it looks like a horror movie. I’ve talked to my favorite Nurse Practitioner (Who also happens to be my Dad) and he said this is what was supposed to happen & to take lots of Ibuprofen.
Anyway, just looking for petting, sympathy, and chocolate.
Utmost sympathy. I’ll bring you over a pint of double chocolate ice cream, the tabloids, and a DVD of your choice. Keep your feet up and if you have to go to work, call in sick.
Those incontinence pads are good for containing tampon leakage. Just saying. I had to resort to them during the last couple of years of my uterus ownership. Let me tell you, I LOVE being without a uterus.
Other than that, all I can offer is some extra strength ibuprofen and some hot chocolate and your choice of a heating pad or a warm cat. Also, I’ll loan you some old Agatha Christie novels and stories.
I can’t say that I feel your pain because I don’t have the appropriate plumbing, but I do have to give you props for the ‘bloody sneeze’ line.
for that, and 
for your ‘condition.’
Well, you have my sympathies for sure! I just went through something similar, although, being nearly 45, I attributed my random-spotting <for the first time ever!> as peri-menopause. When Hurricane Flo finally came to town for real, holy fucking shit…I thought I was bleeding out. HAD to go to work, bled through EVERYTHING, every day, for almost a week.
Fucking Flo. My least favorite relative.
Hopefully I get back on track; I can’t handle another 10-15 years of this shit.
Edit to add: I am NOT a fan of going overboard with things, won’t go to the doc unless I know it’s something that won’t resolve itself eventually, etc, but…there was a time I thought maybe a hysterectomy would prevent menopause, and I was all over that idea for the 10 minutes it took to look it up and realize it wouldn’t help.
But DAMNIT…I wish it did, lol.
Did a similar course, many years back, and I was warned that it would be a heavy one. Yep. My sympathies!! For what it’s worth, the worst should be over pretty soon - I mean, you’ll run out of internal organs before much longer!
Dayum, girl, sounds like you may need a transfusion. 
My sympathy and let us know where to send the chocolate truck.
Rysdad. It would be funny, if it wasn’t true. 
Lynn & salinqmind ** You guys ROCK! thank you! Lynn**, I would use one of thoes, but I wear boxers, and that would not work very well! Guess I need to get some granny panties.
Mmmmmmmmmm. Chocoate truck. Thanks, Ruby!
**
Mama Z** &Tao, glad I’m not the only one.
Time to go change the Plumbing!
So…when you get to the far side, is it common to have a heavy period that won’t stop for weeks? I know two women who had to go on hormone replacement therapy to stop it. I’m really hoping that they’re super unlucky.
Before I had The Surgery (TMI details in another thread), that was the level of my normal monthly periods. I so felt your pain, every 35 days.
For a 75 minutes class, I’d have to use an ultra-level tampon AND a maxi-pad, and change them both at the end of class
Prescription levels of ibuprofen, hot tea, and Godiva chocolates to you.
Sending lots of sympathy. Watch on your moods, too. Progesterone can do a number on brain chemistry. It’s a bummer of a hormone to have to take the synthetic version of.
I went back on the Pill at age 40 just to stop my damn periods. I hate them, and I can’t even complain to the level of the OP! I keep asking doctors to take my uterus out, but they won’t do it.
Girl, get you some “period panties.” There’s no way I could go to work on my period without a pad to catch what the tampon didn’t. I don’t know how you do it without being conscious about it constantly. I’m on my feet all day and can’t always stop when I want or need to get to the bathroom, I’d have bloody pants every day.
Anyway, I hope you get plenty of time to put your feet up until it’s over, and that it’s the only one like this you have to suffer.
Wishing you chocolate, warmth, painkillers, and hugs.
My Mom has gone from “incontinence pads” to “pull-ups”. She’s a big girl now!
Condolences, chocolate and have some Real Strength Ibuprofen (600mg).
Hugs and sympathy. I could have written your post two years ago. I went off all birth control in 2009 and after 2 months of light periods suddenly I stopped menstruating. For three months. After a million (ok probably 5) pregnancy tests came back negative they diagnosed me with PCOS and gave me progesterone to start up my period again. That week sucked big time.
I used the OB super plusses as well as an Always Overnight size pad. I like the Overnights 'cause they extend back towards the butt where I was always afraid of leakage.
Have they explored why you had amenorrhea? Once I started meds for the PCOS (metformin) my periods came back on their own and were not as heavy.
Have a heating pad, some hot chocolate, and get the OK from the NP to take prescription level ibuprophen. It helped me a lot!
Is there an article or book or essay or something entitled I enjoy being a girl (referenced in OP)?
My sympathies! Lots of warm hugs and here’s a warm blanket.
From Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Flower Drum Song
Things just generally get nutso when you hit a certain age, and I know some ladies who’ve had super-heavy flows, but it’s not super-common. I didn’t have this happen, anyway!
Back to the progesterone (what I had was Provera, same thing?): I’d had nutso irregular bleeding for a year or so and the doc suggested that, in lieu of going straight to a D&C. Sort of like the D&C only hormonally induced. It did help, then things got wonkier and wonkier over the course of the next couple of years until I basically had a normal period, 3-4 days off, then spotting the rest of the cycle (which was quite irregular).
So they did a real D&C, which was better than the Provera in that I was knocked out for it, and the mess was pretty much cleaned up on the spot. That stopped the spotting, but the cycles were still pretty irregular until a year or so later when I got pregnant for the first time (to the doctor’s surprise, actually, she thought I’d need help there).
Since having kids, the hemorrhage / spotting never recurred.
Wait… A healthcare professional told you to take “lots of ibuprofen” when you’re bleeding?!? NSAIDs can increase bleeding. Talk to your GYN.