I pit *Lobsang *for being a rant pooper 
When I say peers I mean colleagues. Not dopers.
Where I work it’s as if complaining is most people’s job description.
Beginning of fall semester mini-rants.
Do you really, really need a hand truck for your book bag?
Stop spitting your fucking gum on the fucking sidewalk! Nothing but black goo where ever I look. What an embarrasment for humanity.
$86 dollars? For a used book? Fuck You.
I’m sure you don’t smell and I’m sure you’re a pretty swell person; but do not sit next to me in the computer lab that currently is only 5% occupied.
This really isn’t a mini rant but I have to get it out somewhere before I call my congressperson tomorrow.
Dear NJ Department of Motor Vehicles;
You are officially run by total morons. May you get stuck eating DMV food everyday. May you get stuck listening to the Lyndon LaRoche jackass who you let prostelytize outside your door. May you have to use the disgusting public bathroom for every bodily function you have for the rest of your life. May the walls of your retched apartment be decorated in the same ugly style as the DMV office. May you hear nothing but the unintelligible loudspeakers at the DMV for the rest of your life. May your feet ache as you stand in line at the DMV. May your ass develop hemmoroids from sitting in uncomfortable DMV chairs waiting for your number to be called. May you go blind as you attempt to read the illiterate and misleading scrawl passing for signs at the DMV.
I have a business flight in about two weeks. Unfortunately my just passport expired. To get the passport renewed would require me to surrender my passport for at least three weeks. Obviously that’s not an option.
So I want use another form of ID. I decide on a non-driver’s license ID. Equally unfortunately I just moved here fairly recently from NYC. Like many of my fellow New Yorkers I haven’t yet learned to drive. I tried to take the road test in April but I had a middle ear infection at the time so I flunked it. I am hoping to take it again in October. In the meantime I have a permit and am practing. Make that was practicing.
The fucking morons at the NJ DMV made me give up my learner’s permit today to get a non-driver’s license ID!!! Yes, that’s right. I had to hand in the stupid permit because you are apparently not allowed to possess a learner’s permit AND an ID. Actually you are allowed to possess the two provided you have the non-driver’s license ID first.
So in order to get my goddamned permit back I have to wait 48 hours, go back there, pay a fucking fee, get on three lines, deal with surly undereducated nasty creeps and pray I’m still in the computer system so I can go practice again.
I hope the person who made up this insane rule gets to spend eternity on line at the DMV. Better yet I hope the bastard gets to spend eternity as an employee at the DMV explaining to strangers why he made up the idiotic rule.
Asshole.
Thank you for this thread. A comment to the person that passed me going the other direction last night:
It was a lovely night. Clear and crisp. No blowing snow, no low-hanging mist, no dust storms, and no stinking fog. When I switched to my low beams as we approached, I expected you to do the same. Yes, your high beams went off. But they were replaced by your billion candlepower, bright bluish-white, horribly mis-aimed and horribly mis-named “fog lights.” I would have much rather had you leave the high beams on instead of blinding me with those cursed photon-emitting, people-blinding, excuses for fog lights. The fact that it’s a lonely country road and my eyes had been adapting to the darkness for five minutes without seeing any oncoming headlights just made it worse.
You’re unsafe, rude, obnoxious, and probably oblivious. You desparately need a traffic ticket before you blind someone and cause an accident. If there had been a traffic light anywhere nearby, I would have happily followed you to it and smashed those so-called fog lights with a hammer.
Goddamn ex phone company kept sending me an account for $.13, but I couldn’t pay it because every effin’ method of payment they accept has a $1 minimum. So I just thought fuck it and paid $1 just to put an end to it.
Now they are sending me demands that I pay them -$0.87! Fuckwits. Damned if I’m going to waste ten minutes of my time trying to get someone on the phone to tell them to do something about it.
So every month the fucking company wastes about 50 cents or more on postage, demanding that I pay them a negative amount.
When they start adding late fees and send you to collections it might get up to -(a couple of hundred dollars). Then you can tell them to just cut you a check. 
To my end-users at work:
will y’all fucking return from vacation? Or at least one!
I’ve got like 5 things “pending” but all of them are waiting for input from one or another of you guys. I SO hate face time and want a job with high hourly rates.
To my SIL:
last saturday, you got called for what would have been your first sight of a suicide. Someone found this hanged immigrant, they called 112, 112 sent for you. The other, more veteran doc on location took it for you, to spare you the gross sight. Your remark when you were telling my mother about this: “I just don’t see what would have been so bad about it, after all blacks don’t change color so much and it’s not like I would have known the guy!” Next time you get one of those calls, I absolutely hope there isn’t a kind guy at hand and that the deceased chose an absolutely terrible way to off himself. Specially knowing that you were one of those medical students who had to get over their problems looking at blood - you still get dizzy if you see someone take out a chicken’s gizzard when your doc hat isn’t switched on!
The sights and smells of smokers loitering in th vestibules of “smoke free” buildings upset me for two reasons:
-
Assuming that your employees are representative of the population and that less than 1/3 of the employees smoke, how hard would it be to simply diffuse them throughout Cubicleville and let them smoke as they work?
Then, people with allergies and other respiratory conditions wouldn’t have to
brave a curtain of smoke at all entry points to your “smokefree” building. Nor would they have to wade through ill-discarded butts. Nor would they have to smell the rank foulness of huge communal butt-troughs should they need to stand out of the rain waiting for a bus or car ride. -
While the smokers are getting sanctioned extra work breaks to accomodate their “special needs” the rest of the staff is picking up the slack. Give the smokers the same number and duration of breaks as the rest of us and let them smoke all they want so long as they don’t congregate to do it. And forbid them to do it in vestibules and other common areas that are presently the only places they can legally do it now.
And discipline any all who won’t properly dispose of their ashes and butts.
On the theory that overhead pages and announcements on the public address system are part of the public face of the hospital, I suggest that you:
- Do not ask Mrs. Bojangles to report to “Nucular Medicine”.
- Do not request that “Respitory Services” head over to the E.R.
These changes must go into effect by Febuary.
If workers at your place are representative of the population, only about 1 in 5 smoke.
Then if you’re lucky enough to be a neighbor of a smoker, you get an extra dose of secondhand smoke. If several people in an area happen to smoke, the smoke load really builds up. Over an 8-hour day you could start to approach the risks assumed by workers in bars.
Management is becomingly increasingly aware of these hazards and will crack down on the vestibule smokers if enough workers complain. Health care costs are a large part of the bottom line.
I hate money and I hate the importance our society has placed upon it.
That is all.
Sparring in my martial arts class with an especially zealous intermediate belt guy last Thursday, preparing for a tournament in a couple of weeks. I’m not even sure exactly when I did it, I didn’t notice it was swelling until an hour or so later. It’s not so purple now, but it’s still a little swollen.
Manga Video–where the fuck is my clean opening for 2nd Gig? what’s worse is you lied about it. The box says it’s there. It’s not. I checked. Not even an easter egg–trust me, I’ve been through that disc file by file. Unless you somehow managed to compress it into .2 megs, it’s not there.
Dammit, and I wanted a scene from that for an AMV. Photoshop, you’re getting a workout…
And while we’re at it, get some better packaging. The discs should be on the spindle, not bouncing around the case like a ping-pong ball. Thankfully, neither has been scratched–yet.
Dear Neighbor Lady,
Your tree is dying. You told me that you knew it had to come down THREE YEARS AGO when my husband and I moved into the house. It dropped a major limb during Hurricane Rita last year, barely missing my roof. It has now thoroughly fucked up my immediate future by dropping approximately its entire northern quadrant into my front yard, missing my roof again by inches. It would have fallen on my husband who was in the yard if he hadn’t recognized the sound of breaking wood and ran for it. It ripped out all service cables into my house and broke the electrical conduit into the circuit box. It pulled the cables down and knocked loose the T-joist on the utility pole, affecting the transformer and the across the street neighbors’ power. It bit a chunk out of the eaves as it fell, and it crushed my two well-established azaleas. The interior of the trunk of the fallen part of the tree is rotten.
I can’t say this any more clearly: GET THE FUCKING TREE CUT DOWN NOW, BITCH.
And by the way, I’m hiring an arborist to prove to the insurance company that the tree was diseased so that your policy is liable for payment. Suck it.
More semester rants.
Do you think you can say a complete sentence once…just once…without the words ‘like,’ ‘I mean’ or ‘you know’? You are an adult after all…in college! Also, can you please not say ‘like’ every third word of every sentence you say? Please?
Can one person…just one…not open thier cell phone and bury their head in it checking for calls instantly upon leaving every classroom? Oooh, oooh. Did I get a phone call in the last 50 minutes!? I bet I missed a really, really important phone call.
Excuse ma’am, you dropped your cigarette. Excuse me ma’am. Ma’am…
Oh, yeah. Another, milder mini-rant:
If you’re going to spend the money for radio ads, then take the extra moment to tell the voice-over guy (or gal) how to pronounce what you’re selling or what you are! In a short drive this morning, I heard a commercial for EXpresso (it’s “ESpresso,” you ninny), a reLAtor (is “reALtor” really that hard to say?), and a vet’narian (fine, drop a syllable or two, but at least TRY to get the “r” sound in there somewhere).
Dear Target people:
It’s the second day of school. I know it’s oh-so-fucking important that you get those Halloween displays up, but could you leave the freaking school supplies out for another couple of days? I had my son’s list early, and got everything he needed before the first day, but he came home that first day (yesterday!) and needed three bookcovers. The teacher prefers those fabric stretchy kind over the paper kind for some reason. No problem, I’ll spring for them; they’re only a buck.
But, nooooooo. The stocking monkeys at Target are already putting away the school supplies and readying the Halloween crap. They had pens and pencils and a few boxes of battered folders and spiral notebooks, but nothing else.
What the hell? You know damn well kids are going to come home that first week and still need stuff. Leave the school supplies out!
A “reALter” ?
Really?
Dear Asshole,
I understand that you may not know that slower, non-passing, traffic should stay to the right. I have come to terms with this and mean you no harm. What I don’t understand is why when I try to pass you on the right you decide to speed up from 65 mph to 75 and then 85 mph?
Did I remind you that you should be speeding or did you just think you had the lead in some race between the two of us that I wasn’t aware of? Either way, why did you ride my bumper after I finally got past you? Were the brights necessary (didn’t necessarily bother me because of the bright sun)? And yes you deserved the middle finger even though you wife frantic head shaking and tsk-tsking by your wife would indicate other wise.
I hope you get falling hemorrhoids.
Sincerely,
guppy
PS I was never less than 3 car lengths behind him while in the same lane.
Worst sentence ever! :smack: