The Poetry of Donald Trump - Special Victory in Iran edition

The BBQ Pit
1

Our nation’s poet has offered this series on his war with Iran.

We won the war.
We defeated Iran.
We must attack Iran.
The war is ending almost completely, and very beautifully.
You never like to say too ⁠early you won. We won. In ​the first hour it was over.
We did win, but we haven’t won completely yet.
We won the war.
Please help us.
If you don’t help us, I will certainly remember it.
Actually, we don’t need any help at all.
I was just testing to see who’s listening to me.
If NATO doesn’t help, they will suffer something very bad.
We neither need nor want NATO’s help.
I don’t need Congressional approval to withdraw from NATO.
Our allies must cooperate in reopening the Strait of Hormuz.
US allies need to get a grip - step up and help open the Strait of Hormuz.
NATO are cowards.
The Strait of Hormuz must be protected by the countries that use it. We don’t use it, we don’t need to open it.
This is the last time. I will give Iran 48 hours. Open the strait.
Iran is Dead.
We had very good and productive talks with Iran.
We’re making progress.
They gave us a present and the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.
Make a deal, or we’ll just keep blowing them away.
We don’t have to be there for NATO.
Open the Strait of Hormuz immediately, or face devastating consequences.
We’ll see what happens very soon.
Something big is going to happen.
Open the fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah.

I will note that unlike the usual “poems” which are passages from a single speech, these are a series of Trump quotes from March 11 to April 5.

2

We can bomb the hell out of them. We can knock them out for a loop. But to close the Strait, all you need is one terrorist that somehow has a truck loaded

eta

the entire country could be taken out in one night and that night might be tomorrow night

3

Iran haiku:

Open the fuckin’ Strait
Like I said, some people will die
you crazy bastards

4

Interesting, but it lacks that stream-of-consciousness unity that only comes from his extemporizing without a teleprompter. Just like the way you can’t get the same kind of poetry by stringing together several of his tweets (or xits)

5

The title should be " The Demented Ramblings of Donald Trump - Special Victory in Iran edition".

I have to say, i never in a million years thought I’d have any nostalgia for the first trump term, but compared to this term, at least the first time he said a lot of crazy shit but he didn’t really do much of anything. This is really getting scary. And we’re still 7 months away from the midterms.

6

I’ll admit when I saw the list of quotes, my original plan was to just post the list in a pit thread. But then I decided to use the poetry format.

7

Our nation’s poet issued another work in this genre.

The Strait will open up automatically.
We’ll open the Strait anyway.
We don’t use the Strait.
It won’t be easy.
We will have that open fairly soon.
You don’t need a backup plan.

8

What was it he said about children delivering messages in lieu of electronic communications?

9

“They have no method of communication. So we’re doing, we’re communicating like they used to communicate two thousand years ago, with children bringing a note back and forth.”

10

Sometimes these verses of his give me a twinge of anticipation because they remind me of the last words of Dutch Schultz.