Anyone think the Pope masturbates?
I’m sure he beats the bishop.
He definitely doesn’t use his scepter for pap-acy smears.
Yes, I’m sorry.
Ooops. I forgot to post my opinion.
Yes, he masturbates… a lot. Thats why I like the guy. Won’t shake his hand though.
Not any more. He probably can’t remember why he used to, either.
No, I don’t think about the Pope when I masturbate. Not the current Pope anyway…
Funny as hell Jack.
A fellow was visiting the Vatican and became separated from his tour group. After wandering for awhile, he needed to relieve himself. He finally found a bathroom and wandered in. You can imagine his surprise to discover the Pope sitting on the toilet masturbating. Figuring that this would be an attraction few tourists ever saw, he snapped a couple of pictures. The Pope managed to recover his composure and offered the fellow $10,000 for the camera. The fellow decide to take him up on the offer and an exchange was arranged.
The camera was a pretty nice unit, so, after disposing of the film, the Pope decided he would use it on his world travels.One day while visiting a foreign country, one of the faithful noticed the Pope’s camera and remarked that it was quite a unit.
He then asked:
“How much did you pay for it?”
“Ten thousand dollars.”
“Wow, the guy who sold you that must have seen you coming!”
Gaudere – I would post a smiley face, laughing so hard it that it’s puking, here if I could.
Just had herb tea shoot out my nose…LMAO!!! Snort. Wheeze. Gasp.
That’s hillarious. But of course the pope masturbates. I mean, how could he not? He has no other way of getting off. Well, except for wet dreams that is, which is what he would get if he didnt masturbate.
I’m going to have to beat in your head with a rusty tire iron for that.
The Pope cares so much for the disadvantged of society, that it is, indeed, his duty to shake hands with the unemployed on a regular basis. How frequently, and how vigorously, I fear I am not qualified to say.
Here’s the winning joke from the latest Maxim. (A veritable font of useful information.)
The pope is very ill, and nobody can cure him. The cardinals call in an old physician recommended to them. After and hourlong examination, he comes up with a solution.
“I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news: The pope has a rare testicular disorder. The good news: He can be cured. . . with sex.” The cardinals, not happy with the cure, explain the situation to the pope.
“I’ll agree to it,” says the pope. “But under four conditions.”
The cardinals are shocked. “What are the four conditions?” asks one.
“First, the girl must be blind, so she cannot see with whom she is having sex. Second, she must be deaf, so she cannot hear with whom she is having sex. And third, she must be dumb, so if she somehow figures out with whom she is having sex, she can tell no one.”
After a long pause, a cardinal asks, “And the fourth condition?”
“Big tits.”
I’m not going to Hell, just a reasonable fascimile.
Every one knows that the Pope is a big Lakers fan, having a special liking for her Laker Girls, but that, of course, it is not the point to this story. What matters here is that when the Lakers won the championship he bought, via Internet, a Kobe Bryant Lakers jersey.
The man liked it so much that he decided to officiate mass wearing it. Big mistake! It was all out in the open now, huge bulging biceps on his right arm, nothing on the left.
So, either he likes to do dumb-bells with only one arm or every day, before he does his prayers, he goes to the bathroom and well, how can I say it politely? relieves his tensions.
I would imagine he does mass-ive amounts of masturbating.
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Good one, Spidey!
I just hope he washes his hands before handing out the Eucharistic bread and wine. Could you imagine ingesting the body and blood of Christ and getting, as a side dish, the Pope’s semen? 
Also relevant to this discussion, assuming that he doesn’t have proper hygienic habits, would the “miracle” of transubstantiation be now considered as the metamorphosis of the body and blood of Christ into bread and wine and…the Pope’s bodily fluids?
Could the Pope be excommunicated if caught in the act of giving “improper” use to his virile instrument? Would they cancel his Playboy subscription?
I mean, fair is fair; people were burned at the stake for voicing opinions that were in conflict with church dogma. This way is masturbating in church property, for crying out loud.
Could you imagine a paparazzi shot of the Pope pleasuring himself? I believe that would be more than enough reason for the Catholic Church to sell out the house in order to get such an important relic back.
Hey, maybe that is the reason why the Pope prays so much, as atonement for his mass-ive amounts of masturbation.
Quoting myself
Clearly what was meant was:
This GUY is masturbating on church property, for crying out loud.
One quick thought before leaving to check out NBC’s tape-delayed coverage of the Olympics:
How about extracting DNA from the Pope’s semen to clone him? Then, he could happily mass-turbate whenever he pleases, while the clone does his choirs–officiating mass, giving Papal pardons, excommunicating pagans, meeting famous people, traveling first class around the world, etc.
sarcasm alert
Ugh. Thank you soooo very much for the LOVELY little picture in my head of the old guy beating off. Thank you SOOO much.
sarcasm off
Did you want to make me sick? I don’t want to picture that!
EW!!! That’s like thinking about Jack Lemmon or Bob Hope spanking the monkey! Icky! Icky!
Guinastasia. So my little plan worked, eh? Hahahahaha! Now think of Bob Dylan beating little Bob. How about… EW WAIT! Did you say Bob Dole? Now I think I’M going to be sick. Thanks.