The questions (and answers?) thread for neurotic parents

In My Humble Opinion
1

I had a thread I was going to start with a question about my son. I knew it would likely generate some good-natured eye rolls from more experienced parents who would think that I am just being an overly-worried mom. Fair enough.
Then I thought of an issue with my daughter that I also wanted some input on…and so I figured, why not have one thread where parents can ask all their neurotic questions,* with the understanding of course that advice given is not a substitute for asking your pediatrician, etc.*

This is either a really good idea, and parents can get some reassurance, or a really bad idea, and we’ll all get conflicting advice and end up more confused and worried than before. Hence, the ask-the-Dr bottom line.

So here are mine:

  1. How the hell much do toddler boys eat, anyhow?! I ask this in a sort of tongue-in-cheek manner, but I’m really astounded by the amount my 15-month-old eats. He’s an active guy, but rather solid (not at all like those scary pictures you see of SumoBabies, just lying around waiting for the next truckload of food, but the kid’s got some cankles, y’know?). I try to keep the food varied and healthy (he really loves vegetables, for example), but it still startles me when he can eat his entire dinner and then the remainder of his 3-year-old sister’s as well. Plus, he is drinking about 25-30 ounces of milk a day. I do intend to inquire about this at his next checkup in a few weeks, but some tales from DoperParents would help.

  2. Now the girl. She is 3 years 3months, and stutters/stammers. I know from research I’ve done that this can be quite normal at this age, as their brains are moving faster than their mouths, but it still worries me. My sister-in-law (the Early Childhool Ed professional) and the daycare teachers tell me this is normal, but it still worries me. I have noticed that it’s more likely to happen when she’s trying to tell a story (and is therefore somewhat excited) and hardly ever happens when she is involved in imaginative play and doesn’t know that I am eavesdropping…but (you guessed it), it still worries me. Again, I’ll ask the ped, but real-life tales always help.

So…I now open up the floor not just for answers to my questions, but for other neurotic parents like me, who are really worried about Junior’s habit of spinning around in circles until he falls down, or little Susie’s insistence on eating ketchup on everything, or what have you.

Please don’t let me be the only neurotic one here.

2

My Q is not so much an individual kid question.

I am a SAHM (with a job that I don’t have to go to all that much) and am paid to watch two nice kids during the school year. I’ve watched them for a couple of years now- no prob.

But I have two families that hit me up for child care All The Time. It go so bad recently, that I just simply quit answering the phone for a week.

Family “A” (3 kids)seems to have trained their kids to just show up here. I talked to the mom and she gave me 4 different excuses about her child care/no child care situation and I think I may have run her off finally. This family doesn’t call for child care covereage- they just send the kids here because they know I’m home. This really pisses me off and I’m having a hard time turning them out knowing the parents aren’t home.

I have watched the kids of family “B” in the past intermittantly- the longest was for 6 weeks- and for no charge, although the mom gave me nice gifts and thank you cards. But, about mid year last year, I realized they (immaturewhineygirl and destructoboy) were more trouble than they were worth. I tried working with them (I even developed a three day house-rules review and character/behavior program especially for them!), but they simply can’t follow the rules of my house. I talked to the mom, but she seemed kind of helpless and vague about the problems, so I decided to “just say no” to future requests. These kids are both formally diagnosed but unmedicated for a variety of reasons. She actually has a child care situation but it is spotty and unreliable.

Unfortunately, this mom doesn’t like or hear “no” and calls all the time. I’ve been saying ‘no’ for months now! My "no"s are followed by questions like “Oh, what are you doing then?” and “Oh, I’ll just call you later in the week then.” I never really made it clear to her why I don’t want them over here because I’m having a hard time saying I just don’t like her kids and because I thought the many discussions we had about the problems I encountered with the kids were a pretty good indication that things weren’t working out. These are the first kids that I have developed a dislike for and it took me a while to adjust to the idea, myself. She’s actually tricked me twice (last year) into watching them by implying we were having a ‘play date’ and then dropping her kids off and taking off for work.

So I have been actively avoiding her for a while now.

DH says she is ruling my days when I’m afraid to answer the phone and changing my daily patterns to avoid her, and that I just need to tell her the kids are awful and to quit asking. My problems are that we are neighbors, the kids have classes and scouts together, and I don’t want to make her angry or hurt her feelings. I also, seriously, do not want to watch her kids. I just keep saying “No, were busy” and “No, my plate is full” and screening my calls.

OK, just tying this has help distill and clarify my thoughts.

3

Wow, Ca3799, those are some seriously entitled parents!!
I completely understand your reluctance to be hard-assed about it, given the activties that your families share, but your husband is absolutely right that these women are ruling your life now.

I wonder if there is any way you can state that it is unfair to the parents of the (nice, normal, well-behaved) kids you do watch for their kids to just show up and expect care. Family day care providers who are licensed by their states have a limit to how many children they can watch for a reason, after all, and it has to do with safety and quality of care. Something like, “I understand that you are in a bind, but my first responsibility is to my family, and my second is to my paying customers, and you need to find other arrangements.”

I honestly don’t know what I would do in your situation. I’d like to make suggestions like “threaten to call Protective Services” and all that, but I know you are trying to maintain good relations (plus I know how hard it would be for me to do that).

4

She’s hearing “No” as “No, not this time.” You need to tell her, “I’m sorry, but I will no longer be able to watch your children.” You can also tell her your children and hers do not get along, and it’s best if they don’t play together anymore.

Hopefully this will work. No more play dates, no more screening your phone calls. I’m thinking she’s just clueless rather than sneakily trying to take advantage of you.

lorene, I’m not ignoring you, but I think you’re better off taking the kidlets to the doctor. My Mommy Sense tells me they’re fine, but I think you’ll be more reassured hearing that from the doctor than an anonymous poster.

5

Thanks. On the other hand, tales of, “Oh, yeah! Boy my son can eat!” are still appreciated. :wink:

6

And on the third hand, he could have a tapeworm. :smiley:

7

Also, I was so absorbed in my own issue that I didn’t respond to Lorene.

I don’t have any advice about the hungry boy*, but wanted to suggest approaching the school district for a speech evaluation for your daughter. The usually can do a (free!) assessment around 3 1/2. If she doesn’t need services, you will at least get a complete report of her skill level and a guideline for what is within the realms or normal speech development for various ages. I barely recall that poor “r”'s are allowed up to the age of 8.

My son stammers (I guess) and sometimes has to restart a sentence up to 5 times. He’s 8 and sees a speech pathologist (more in depth than a therapist- she works with the brain more than just the mouth) at school after years of private therapy. She will get around to the stammer after solving a host of other issues, I suppose!

  • except to suggest a week or two of a food diary for the Doc. I wouldn’t make a special appointment for it, but bring it up on his next yearly exam.
8

That’s alot of milk. Is it whole milk? I would switch to 2% or even skim–check with your doctor.

I would also keep a food diary for him.

How active is he? At 15 months, he should be moving away from bedtime “snack” (if any–never gave my kids any after they were done with bottle/breast)–keep his snacks light. Veggies are great! Keep the good work. Is he eating alot at meals or is he asking for food all day long? If the latter-he needs some distraction/activities.

Again, the doc (more likely the nurse) can fill in his height and weight and see where he is on the growth chart. That is more an indicator than just weight.

My oldest (daughter) could and did eat anything–she bragged about her ability to eat adult size portions at age 3. This is not good. She is fine at 16 now, but she was a chubby kid.

ALL of my kids bulked out and then shot up, so he may be entering a growth phase. At two, my oldest son could eat at one sitting, two hard boiled eggs, bunch of baby carrots, toast and apple sauce with milk (I did skim after age 2). More than I eat for lunch, but he seemed to do fine.

The stuttering seems to be nerves, as in nervous or eager to get it all out. Take a deep breath, smile and listen to her–it should fade. Testing is available (or should be) for her age group–call the elementary school to find out more.

As to the babysitting–you need to be clearer and firmer. Good luck!

9

Current rec’s are for whole until 2. Check with your doctor for exceptions, of course.

Here are links to growth charts for your review.

My son has always been a big eater, even as a baby - adults are always amazed. He’s all muscle, though, which takes more energy to fuel than the mushier babies my friends had. Some toddlers live on only a few tablespoons of food a day, plus milk. It’s more important to offer only healthy foods, and a wise variery of them, and keep an eye on his growth, rather than comparing how much other kids eat.

For my neurotic parent question: when should a baby be old enough to entertain herself for a few minutes. WhyBaby’s 7 months (developmentally), and it’s very rare that I can put her down a go to the bathroom without her crying for me! My son, IIRC, would occupy himself for short periods of time by this point. What can I do to encourage her to be more self-reliant? The weird thing is, I don’t have to actively play with her or even give her a toy - she’s been just sitting on my lap playing with her toes for 20 minutes now. But if I put her on the ground with her toes, she’ll cry! Very frustrating. I think (as I mentioned in another thread) she’s learning to manipulate me, but if I just let her cry, she’ll cry and cry until she falls asleep, sobbing. Breaks my heart!

10

Oh! Dr. Sears says babies should drink up to 32 ounces of milk a day, and solids on top of that, so I wouldn’t be concerned about his milk intake.

11

My son is two now, but for months now he has been an absolute eating machine. My 7 year old daughter barely touches her dinner, so he eats his own and then finishes hers. We’ve always been amazed, especially since his sister always ate so little, but the doctors assured us he was fine, as long as it was good food and not junk that he’s eating so much. Since he’ll pretty much eat anything, that’s not a problem. What’s more annoying is my 7 year old’s unwillingness to try anything new (like any kid; I know I was that way at that age). We spend dinner begging the girl to please eat and stop playing with her food, and yelling at the 2 year old to slow down because he shovels it in faster than he can chew it.

12

One thing you might try is putting her on the ground, waiting for the tears, and when they come, then give her a toy. If you put her on the ground with a toy, she might not bother to look at it, but if you give to to her as a distraction, it might capture her attention. I’ve alwys been a big fan of the Sassy toys. They are simple and easy to manipualte, but just different enough that a baby might just go “Oh, waah, waaah, I want my…hey! this is kind of cool” At least that’s how my two were.

Thanks for the input on the Chowhound, everyone. I do feel quite reassured. He drinks soymilk, BTW, and his doctor is OK with the fact that it is less fat than cow’s milk. Ain’t nobody happy when he drinks cowsmilk!

13

Ca3799, those are some seriously clueless parents! I think you need a final ‘end of the issue’ discussion with them. You can throw in a little white lie if you think it would be easier. I would try something like “I’m sorry, but I can only watch children who are formally enrolled in my daycare, other parents need to know who their children are with all day” or something like that. It might be awkward to have the discussion, but at least then it will be over and they won’t call anymore. If they want to pay you your going rate to watch their kids (honestly - what kind of people expect free daycare from someone whose business it is to provide daycare? And without any reciprocation?) then you can decide if you happen to have an opening for their kids or not ;). I would love it if one of my good friends decided to run a daycare and I would ask to send my child there but it would never occur to me not to pay them for it, unless we worked out a deal where we took turns watching each others’ kids or something.

My son goes to in home daycare and I actually would want to know if his provider was randomly watching other neighborhood kids. I pay her with the expectation that he is one of 5, not one of 6 or 7 or whatever. I also am familiar with the other kids that are there and I like to know who they are. Not that I wouldn’t choose her otherwise, but I want to know what kind of individual care I am getting for the money I pay her. So maybe you could use the other parents as an excuse to not watch their kids.

14

Then I would check the ht and wt against the charts and talk to the doc. He is probably fine. My daughter was a milk fiend. We cut her off of whole milk at 18 months–she’s in the gifted program in HS, so I don’t think the decrease in fat hurt those neurons and synapses any! The American is so high in fat as it is, most kids get the fat needed thru other foods as well.

He may just be going thru a phase of “let’s taste everything!” If one day, he refuses to eat anything at all–let it go. My kids’ appetites swung wildly from day to day sometimes. Offer healthy choices and relax a bit.
Hmmm. I have no advice for Whykid–I can’t remember that far back, but I have a sneaking suspicion that my kids had me wrapped around their lil fingers. Looking back, I probably did too much Julie McCoying. I think I would let her cry for just a bit–not so hard and long that she falls asleep, though. Afterall, Mom has to pee etc, too! D’ya think it might be related to her “real” age vs her age age ?(now I got myself all confused).