The REAL Reason Cheney Was Chosen as VP . . .

Bush picked someone who’s guaranteed to drop dead a month or two into the administration (Cheney’s own doctors have been muttering about the likelihood of this).

So . . . Who gets tabbed to replace him as VP? Why, brother Jeb! It’s just like JFK and Bobby, only without the brains and sex appeal! I think the Bushes Senior were behind this; no way is George, Jr., smart enough to think it up.

But you MARK MY WORDS, folks . . .




[sub]The horror. The Horror![/sub]

Its bigger than that.

  1. Cheney needs to stay alive for about a year to be the ‘daddy’ until the shrub grows into the job.

  2. When ‘daddy’ goes for the big sleep, shrub can name Quayle as the new VP. He’s tan, he’s rested, he’s still dopey. The real wacko right loves him. Anyway, Jeb’s got blood on his hands now.

  3. Rehnquist and Scalia will resign, collect their payoff and go into hiding.

  4. Shrub will crank up echelon and the Delta division to try to finish off Daddy’s nemesis Sadam Hussein.

  5. Round about 2004 the cyrogenics lab will thaw out the orginal trickster just in time for the election. Yes, Nixon will be back.
    Stock up on cheese whiz.


Bush will pick Hillery Clinton. She got a lot of experience in her first two terms in office. The republican NY governor can then appoint a republican senator. Sure it’s a risk since she might run against him in four years, but it would be interesting.

Gore won’t like it since he will have to run as Mrs Clinton’s VP.

Reagan will be back, too, as Federal Undersecretary of Bedwetting. It will be a more or less honorary type of position, but Bush will want him around so he may reflect the glow of Ron’s unparalleled charisma and popularity.

My son’s kindergarten teacher is convinced that Bush will appoint Colin Powell VP after Cheney bites the Big Enchilada, but I don’t see her reasoning at all…it reminded me of the scene in TRADING PLACES where Don Ameche and Ralph Bellamy are talking about Eddie Murphy, and Ameche says “Maybe he SHOULD run the company,” and Bellamy says “Ha ha…as if we would ever let a nigger be in charge.”

And suddenly, after we’ve been seeing these guys as a pair of lovable eccentric WASPy Brahmin types for two hours, they’re neatly revealed as a couple of malevolent assholes.

I see all you sore losers haven’t completely lost your senses of humor. Let’s keep it that way and we’ll be able to keep this thread in MPSIMS.

Gosh, I didn’t realize Cheney was so close to death. If the zero-year superstition takes out Bush we could have another unelected-by-the-people president again, a la Ford. Scary. I hate to think of who Bush will appoint of Cheney dies.

Is there any confirmation process on who the president chooses to be vice president in this scenario?

yes there is. vp appointment must pass the house and senate like all the others. strangly enough, earlier today i was trying to find a way to get powell in charge. not really that hard should he be comfirmed as sec. of state.

You poor foolish conservatives. You’ve completely fallen for our vast left-wing conspiracy plot. Now that everything’s in place, we can reveal all and gloat.

First off. Al Gore was just a decoy. We knew you’d never accept four more years with a democrat in the white house. So we created a candidate via illegal cloning. Turns out human cloning’s a snap. It was so easy, we ran off a spare. Which explains Bill Bradley.

Our real candidate was George W. Bush. Surprised? Don’t be. It was a deal we cooked up with his dad. You should have seen the evidence that Walsh surpressed during the Iran-Contra investigation. Suffice it to say, that George Senior knew he either had to go along with our plan or look at ten years in Marion.

So Bush gets the nod. McCain was a mole; brainwashed by the North Vietnamese during his captivity. His role was to distract in depth press coverage during the campaign. Once the heat was off Bush, McCain’s campaign “self-destructed”.

Then we used our complete control of the media to run the campaigns. Ever wonder why Nader got so much press and Buchanon got so little? That was us, drawing votes away from Gore while protecting Bush.

In the last few weeks, we’ve been using the court system (yes, that’s ours too of course) to distract everyone while we work out the last few details. But now everything’s set. Bush is in. Cheney, as you’ve all figured out, won’t last a year. And who will Bush name as his new VP? You’ve known the truth all along.

Bill Clinton.

So all I can say is: ha ha ha ha ha ha. And the real capper to all this? When we arrange Bush’s assassination, we’re going to set up Charlton Heston to take the fall. That was Hillary’s idea. Gotta love that gal’s sense of humor.

Silly people. Bush’s masterful political decision to pick Cheney as a running mate was nothing more or less than guaranteeing the vital Wyoming vote. And it worked! The Republicans held Wyoming!

Federal Undersectretary of Bedwetting - oh god my sides hurt from laughing.

In reality, RR was dead the last 5 years of his term. The White House contacted Disney about their Hall of Presidents technology and the Imagineers said, “Oh, man, we’ve come such a long way in all of that. Just send us cadaver and we’ll have him back to you in a week.” The country was none the wiser (which speaks volumes about the country).

I am pretty sure that Bush could not choose his brother to be a replacement VP. This invokes the Bobby Kennedy rule stating that the President could not choose close family members to be hold Executive Branch places or words to that effect.

uhhh… can I point out that it would be illegal for Jeb to assume a position in Georgie’s White House?

(no, dammit! Don’t ask for a cite! I have none! I just heard this on the news tonight… they said that after JFK had Bobby as Attorney-General a law was passed forbidding this kind of thing! If you want a cite, go to GD! They’re always asking for cites there…)

um, yeah, what NickShow said…

People, people. Please. It’s now time for healing, not division. Read this Chat transcript from two of our more illuminious reporters, and you’ll all hopefully be moved as much as I was.


NearBeer: As Gore won the national popular vote, and took Florida, except he couldn’t light a fire big enough to get the recounts finished in a timely manner, I must insist on being called a sore winner. You loser.

Nader got so much press? I don’t think so.
But good idea, keeping him out of the debates.:wink:

Lil’ Nemo ™, you’re almost right. Now, I admit I didn’t get the full plan, being a Republican and all, but here’s the scheme as I understand it.

Yes, the Dem-o-crats were responsible for Dubya. Genetics makes it impossible for him to serve more than one term.

He’s actually just a place holder for (drumroll, please):
No, not Bubba but Hilary! It wouldn’t be a victory if Clinton served two successful terms, Algore serves another and then Hilary steps in and wins. Those crafty Dem-o-crats have to have villain in office so when Hilary runs she can be the hero who saves the ‘American people’ from Bush and his evil cohorts <insert evil laugh here>.

Or at least that’s how I heard it.

Little Nemo: It’s a crafty plan, but there’s one little problem. We in the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy ™ have known about your plan for years, and we have devised a counter-plan. We secretly installed cybernetic memory modules in George W (It helps when Big Business is on your side). When Cheney goes, our implant will insure that Bush does not pick Bill Clinton. Or Hillary, or even Gore. Oh no. He will pick…
Newt Gingritch. Newt will pass the House along party lines. The Senate will be a little trickier, but if neccessary we can arrange a mild outbreak of Ebola to thin the Democratic ranks and ensure that The Big G gets the nod. We’ll certainly infect Hillary, just on general principles, and maybe Ted Kennedy (if his extreme weight doesn’t kill him first). Exactly one week after VP Gingritch is sworn in, the cybernetic implant will cause W to self-destruct, and we will have President Gingritch. For his veep, he will select none other than Rush Limbaugh! Liberals everywhere will go insane at the thought of these two arch-conservatives running the country.


Thank you, Unc. So…uh…what happened to YOUR sense of humor? You sound like a sour old man glaring from his front porch at a bunch of highspirited kids who might just step on his lawn.

Shouldn’t you be bubbling over with amusing one-liners and ribald quips in the wake of this glorious victory and vindication of whatever the heck young Bush is supposed to stand for?

(Just an observation, not intended as criticism. You know I like to see you smile.)