My vibrator broke. I don’t know when I’ll get round to replacing it. I was going to change the sheets on my bed … meant to put the vibrator in a drawer but it fell on the floor and cracked. Agh.
A big “Fuck You” to whoever dinged my car at the parking lot. After ytwo years and not a scratch on it some arsehole who can’t judge distances has done the deed.
That almost never happens with penises. Just sayin’. 
Thanks. Needed a laugh.
Penises usually come with men attached. Sometimes we don’t need/want the attachments.
anya marie you have my sympathy!
Cicero you also have my sympathy. I try to park well out in the end of the parking lot…empty, alone, nothing but the sound of coyotes in the distance. It doesn’t matter, I can always find my vehicle by looking for the knot of cars surrounding it.
Up with penises! 
Flatlined, I’ll steal those lines
We had a thread here a few years back and there were a heap of people who always parked miles away in the car park and still get surrounded by cars. I think my car has a magnetic attraction for other vehicles.
It’s complicated. There’s a man, but I met him when I lived in Florida and now i’m back in Indiana.
The sheriff just called here, looking for my neighbour. I wonder if somebody filed a noise complain on those goddamn dogs of theirs. I fucking hate these dogs they’re outside 2/3 of the day and constantly barking their fool heads off.
And fuck me for going to a concert Saturday and forgetting my camera.
You’re out of luck there if you broke your vibrator.
First of all, way too much cologne there fella. Second of all, Drakkar Noir? Really!?
I turn 50 today. Grump, grump, grump.
My mother wore Windsong until the day she died. That guy’s got a long way to go before Drakkar is as vintage as that. (Says the man who still has half a bottle of Fahrenheit in his toiletries bag…)
Does it say something about me that I love both Drakkar Noir and Fahrenheit? Can’t tolerate industrial perfumes and colognes anymore, so I can’t wear them, but I love them.
Mr. Horseshoe was in a car accident day before yesterday - he got T-boned right in his door by someone in a big ol’ pickup who was running a red light, and driving without a license to boot. He’ll be okay, eventually. No cracked ribs, no concussion, but some spectacular bruises on his left side and (hopefully temporary) hearing loss from the side airbag deploying.
Sucks to all hell that a) he has no health insurance, so doc-in-a-box is mighty expensive, and b) he finally got around to replacing the (expensive, model-mandated) tires after putting that particular expense off. If only he’d procrastinated another week …
We received his dead grandma’s car as a sort of wedding present, so we could sell my current car and use that money towards our cripping debt. Now he’s driving dead grandma’s car - so at least he has transportation - but instead of scraping together a little dough, we’ll be out even MORE money. Le Sigh.
Happy Grumpday! 
I turned 39.95 plus shipping and handling on the 2nd. That’s my age, and I’m sticking to it. Until I turn 49.95 plus shipping and handling, I suppose… I’m not paying THAT much S&H if I can help it!
Mini-Rant: Last night I got into bed and then took off my glasses. (I mention the order of these actions to demonstrate that I cannot see much beyond my own nose without my specs. ) And then the left stem broke. Right up by the lens. These are rimless glasses with the stems more or less permanently attached to the lens.
After much ado, my husband rigged up a stopgap measure by removing the stem entirely and threading a wire through the holes where the stem had been attached and bending the wire into what is more or less an earpiece shape. It isn’t exactly straight and looks really weird, but at least I am legal to drive.
I will have to wait until tomorrow for the eyeglass place to order a replacement stem and hope that they are able to fix it and that the dear husband has not ruined the lens with his stopgap measure. If I need a new lens, I will be really peeved. My lenses cost a couple hundred dollars each. Also it would take several days for the custom lens to be prepared and delivered. Meanwhile I am just hoping the temporary “fix” holds. If the lens breaks before a replacement shows up I am just totally screwed.
No, I don’t have a backup pair of glasses.
What’s the deal with this week’s spat of thread revivals? I’ve noticed two threads in BBQ Pit and one in GQ that have been revived after having been idle for years. And one of the Pit threads lay fallow since '99.
Dear pregnant coworker,
One cup of herbal tea with chicory in it will not cause you to spontaneously abort.
Sincerely,
Tired-of-hearing-about-all-the-risks-to-your-fetus coworker
Maybe she’s just pre-empting anyone else’s comments about caffeine consumption. I got so much unsolicited “advice” when I walked into Starbucks I started going through the drive through when I was pregnant with my second. Dammit, how the hell was I supposed to stay awake long enough to chase #1 without any caffeine? I had a mocha, dammit - I wasn’t exactly freebasing coffee beans.
Still, I have to agree with you. Especially at work - nix the pregnant talk. Few people care to hear it.