Maybe instead of classic naval initiations, maybe we should have a more SDMB-centric one. Like the first time someone makes a joke about the “poop” deck, asks where Isaac the bartender is, or starts singing that Village People song, we tie them to the mizzenmast (even though we’re running on atoms, we will need a mizzenmast for punishment purposes) and force them to post What’s the third word ending in “gry”? to GQ.
Just make sure that chainsaw isn’t running there, big guy. I can do sutures, but I’m not sure how my reconstructive surgery techniques are!
[sub]I’m a shellback. Be gentle.[/sub]
Screw swinging, we’ll just leap onto the other deck! Those with less-than-stupendous quadriceps can use gasoline-powered stilts to provide a little boost.
[sub]and um, what’s a shellback?[/sub]
Someone who’s never been across the equator. There’s a big line of hazing coming our way, brother!
Absolutely correct on the UAVs, pcubed. I’ll man the LCAC, if you’re looking for drivers. That’ll help with the amphibious assault aspect.
Think we can mount some TOW’s, Mark-19’s* and M2’s on there? Waitaminute…gimme one of those rail-guns, too. That’ll do the trick.
*: the Mark-19 is a 40mm, belt-fed, full-automatic grenade launcher and is very, very fun to fire.
You might notice that the weapons I’ve selected aren’t high rate-of-fire weapons. They more than make up for this with their stupendous impact when you are on target.
[sub]When the going gets tough, the tough go cyclic.[/sub]
Er, shouldn’t that be someone who’s been across the equator?
[sub]don’t ask about bluenoses[/sub]
Yeah, I guess I’m a shellback then. But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna go through any hazing. It could start a slaughter!
That’s what I thought, too. I mean, I’ve only seen the certificate and heard about the greased-up tummy a few times, so I could be wrong.
Say, do we have to do anything if we cross under the North Pole? Just asking.
My bad. 
I gots them confuzedled.
What Pole, think? 
OK, OK. Shellback explained:
A Shellback is a member of the court of Mighty Neptune Rex, Lord of the Sea, King of the Deep, and the Scourge of Pollywogs. Whenever a ship crosses the Equator, it is boarded by the minions of Neptune, trusty Shellbacks all, who willinspect the crew for the presence of Pollywogs ('wogs). Any 'wogs found will need to be punished for daring to intrude on Neptune’s domain. During this punishment, if they bear-up well, they may earn the priviledge of being inducted into Neptune’s court, thereby becoming Shellbacks themselves.
The initations are fun. If you’re a Shellback.
Me, I’m a Shellback from Mare Tranquilis (hence my handle), a member of the Order of the Golden Dragon, and a Bluenose. As member of the SDMB Pirate crew, unless there’s someone higher in the ranks of Neptune’s court (Chief Scott or 'Uigi, perhaps), I think I get to be in charge of initiations. This oughta be great fun…
I have found the hulls.
We get the U.S.S. Iowa and the U.S.S. New Jersey and weld them as outriggers to the U.S.S. Iwo Jima. Now we have a tri-hull catamaran with eighteen! 16" rifles and AV-8B Harriers and LCACs!!
Now we can pull sit below the horizon, shell the crap outa the land lubbers, destroy their coastal defense, launch a raiding party to bring back the loot and use the flight deck to have a huge-ass barbecue!
Oooooo… and don’t forge the CIWS to swat down those pesky aircraft.
Pollywog reporting to answer for his crimes.
Hail Neptune!
Now, I’ve crossed the equater, but only in a non-navy situation (" No Mr. Coast Guard Officer, we’re not gun-running") so, I don’t know what my situation is.
Anywho, I just realised we’re going to need a satillite dish for the tv. What’re pirates without porn?
Good attitude, Ogre. Less ‘truth’ serum for this one, crew. Maybe we’ll have him play court jester for a bit, until after the proceedings are done.
Where’s my shillelagh?!
Hey SpaceGhostofArrakis enjoy your porn. I know there are a couple of wenches around here somewhere…Dang now where did they go?
Simple really. You’re a self-confessed evading slimey 'wog. Master-at-Arms! We’ve got a… special… case for you. Take him away!
For the rest of you…
http://www.internationalshellback.com/
Oooh look! The ship is taking shape.
Do you think we need one of these?
Enough planning. I’ve got a stack of penetration requests on my desk that aren’t going to take care of themselves.
IIRC, and I often do, the Mighty Mighty Iwo can’t do LCACs, nor can the LHA’s, we’ll have to commandeer the USS WASP (LHD-1)
And I’ll be manning the Avenger Weapons System on the O9 Level, reaching out and touching the incoming before the R2D2 with a hardon gets warmed up.
Hands off ** Tranquillis**!! I’m a Midshipman cadat @ Texas A&M, and I don’t have to take this!