The second stupidest thread started today; What if every animal attacked us at once?

Let’s say there was a genetic marker in all animals (birds, insects, reptiles, mammals, etc., every single one!) that was activated at the same time in every animal to attack humans. The single goal of each critter on earth would be to kill humans. Could we withstand the attack?
I’m talking bugs coming out of the ground, birds falling from the sky, gophers, skunks, porcupines, and rats crawling out of holes with the single purpose of finding the nearest human with the intent to kill. You wouldn’t be able to go anywhere without insects flying into your cranial orifices and birds picking at your eyes, and whatever other creatures living in your area trying to chewing your ankles off.
And yes, Fluffy and Pickles are in on it too.
I say we’re toast.

If the insects are in on it, I agree. It would make a pretty good movie, I think it all started when that hussy showed up with the two love birds.

Part of the problem is that even if we destroyed all of them before they could destroy us, then what would we eat?
What’s the stupidest thread?

Never mind… found it. :slight_smile:

You haven’t seen “The Birds”? Even that would be all it would take.

(Although if Fluffy were in on it it would break my heart.)

After we got over our initial surprise, we’d be able to handle the beasts. Because we have guns, germs, and Raid.

Just think of the magnitude though. You wouldn’t be able to get to the store to replenish supplies. Just the insects alone, swarms. You’d have to do a lot of shootin’ and swattin’. Sleeping would be difficult to say the least.

Wow, these are stupid threads? I like these threads.

Leave out the insects and making it becomes plausible. Difficult, sure, but plausible. Include insects and we’re done for. How many of us live by a field, or a forest preserve, or a farm? We’re talking hundreds of millions of bugs seething after people all at once. They say it doesn’t hurt much until the spiders get your eyes…

I’ll be safe from the animals in my zombie shelter.

According to the Google Ads all we need to hold off the small vermin is
Electronic Pest Repeller
Rid the home of rats, mice, roaches Safe, easy, & effective for $19.95!

Then fire, guns, houses and cars should protect us quite a bit until the Armies and National Guards organize.
The loss of life to trusted pets would be outrageous.

Someone asked what we would eat, is this permanent change in animals, or after a while will they revert to normal?
We would have to set up safe havens and go out in well-built vehicles to forage. I am not sure if manufacturing could be maintained and agriculture is tough without insects. Even if we beat the animals to a stand still, it seems likely we would eventually lose. Small enclaves of humans might survive here and there. We would need insectless biospheres effectively. This is a very tall order.

If the animals revert to normal after a while, we should be able to survive and adjust to the new reality.


The first book of Harry Harrison’s “Death World” trilogy deals with such a situation.

We would have no chance. Hell, if all the beetles attacked humans at once we would be crushed to death.

How many grasshoppers have to lodge in your throat before you choke to death?

Who could fight off two or three determined dogs accompanied by several cats?

Imagine all of the domestic livestock attacking with intent to kill.
The list goes on. As the OP says, we are toast.

And how about when the mitochondria turn on us? Ick.

Houston has a big Rodeo & Stock Show every year. It’s fun (& definitely cheaper) to simply attend the Stock Show. There’s a midway, hideously unhealthy food & vendors of Western Attire. Plus competitions for the 4H students–actually, the “Stock Show” part.

A few years ago, wandering among the huge, well-fed steers on display, I wondered what would happen if they realized WHY they were being fattened up? The big placid beasts were only lightly restrained & could have caused quite a bit of mayhem by stampeding.

Well, there’s a big difference between intent to kill and having the intellect to kill. Many insects would be dangerous, but most simply aren’t capable of inflicting any damage to us. Beetles, as a poster mentioned, in large part are weaponless. Most do not swarm naturally and I have no reason to think they’d have the instinct to climb inside our orifices as a matter of course.

So, if the OP is supposing that all animals are staying as they are, with the same instincts regarding attack and socialization, I think we’d be pretty safe. Just because those millions of tons of rolly-pollys really want us dead, I have no reason to suspect they’ll suddenly learn to swarm and seek out the soft and vulnerable parts of us. Realistically they’d just charge at us and try and bite us, which their teeth won’t allow.

This has been discussed before, at length. No clear conclusion.

I also have fond memories of a thread where the teachers vs all students 12 years and below battle royale was discussed.

If the animal kingdom were able to conspire against us with strategic, long-range plans, we could be finished off, eventually, by the insect pollinators alone – if they confined their foraging to weed and non-edible species and eschewed pollinating our crops (even at the point of starving themselves, if necessary).

Dude, the dung beetle is like a homing pigeon with your orifice.

Definitely if the animals all turned on us, we’re dead.

Now, if we leave out the insects, we’re probably still dead. They’ll get through eventually.

But, it gets interesting if we can have the insects under our command. I’d love to unleash a horde of stinging ants on a cat.

Imagine 50 thousand bees fighting a half dozen bald eagles. Awesome.

Humanity could make a stand at Mcmurdo as long as the supplies last. I just can’t see penguins mounting an effective siege of buildings.