OK, so I stop at the laundromat to wash my uniform and a few other items, and in doing so I empty my pockets. I put it all on the table. Nothing big, just a belt, some earplugs, a pair of flight gloves, a pack of smokes, and my handcuffs. I get everything started and then I walk away to the anteroom to play some Galaga to while the time away. I make it to round 17, so I guess it’s been about 10 minutes or so, and what do I see?
That’s right. Someone has snagged my smokes. Now, I should be thanking this person, but since I’m not prepared to quit just yet that’s $4 out of my pocket. The funny thing is that I know who this person is. I don’t know her personally, but when I came in I saw her. She is a short little redhead who immediately gave me the fuck-me eyes when I said hello to her. Harmless, right? Maybe even someone who I might hit on were I not married? Well, that harmless little nothing turned out to be a thief. Ain’t that something?
You just never can tell these days, I’ll tell you what. And the stones she had, taking them from right next to a pair of HANDCUFFS! That right there might be a clue that this is not a person you want to be stealing from. For all she knew I might have been a real police officer rather than a military police officer (even if I had caught her I would have had no recourse, but how was she to know that?), and she didn’t even care.
I swear, some people would steal the clothes right off your back if they could anymore. I grew up with the doors unlocked in my house, leaving the windows down in my car, that sort of thing. After having my stereo stolen a few times I learned that lesson. Now I guess I have to pack up my stuff all the time, everywhere I go.
Another one of my ideals has been crushed. Of course, it was only an ideal, so I guess I should have expected it. It’s just too bad that you can’t trust people as far as you can throw them anymore.
Would you really want to date a woman with balls that big?
I once had a pen stolen from off my desk. “So what?”, you ask, “It’s not like your name was inscribed in gold on it, right?” Well, actually, yes, it was.
I always figured the uniforms had to be dry cleaned. But making them laundry material makes far more sense for a military uniform when you really think about it.
What a brilliant idea - instead of dating a woman for a couple of weeks to see if you’re compatible, just leave your handcuffs out and see if she steals them. That in and of itself would speak volumes as to compatibility.
Item # 432 in the Things Learned Too Late To Be Of Any Consequence Now series.
I think she wanted you to slap her around, handcuff her, and strip search her to find your cigarettes. Think how disappointed she must be that you didn’t.
I hope you don’t leave apack of gun unsecured, wiseass.
And I think that Gunnery Sergeant Hartman should be nominated for sainthood. If peope (including me) would just listen to what he had to say the world would be a much better place. All the same, it’s too bad he had to say it. Just because I leave something out that does not mean I don’t want it. Just because I leave my door open, that does not mean I want guests. Why do people think that it does?
Seriously, I’ve never left anything I wanted to hang onto unsecured in a laundrymat, be it apack of gun or a pair of cheap sunglasses.
[/QUOTE]
Mebbe it’s growing up close to Philly-I won’t leave a hunk of dogshit unsecured because sure as Og made little green apples, some assclown will kipe it. That’s why you and I had our discussion about keeping a certain item in your car versus on your person.
The sooner you give up all your ideals (people are basically good, the government is there to protect us, etc. etc.) your life will become so much simpler. True, you will be cynical and bitter, but it is simpler.
Hijack - What the heck are “Fuck me” eyes? Are they anything like “bedroom eyes”? I have had several men tell me I have “bedroom eyes” and I have absolutely no clue what they meant. Are there little beds and alarm clocks in my irises? I am picturing this girl with little itty bitty neon “fuck me” signs flashing on and off in her eyes.
How do you know she took it? You weren’t watching… maybe someone else walked into the place, saw a pack of smokes sitting unwatched, and grabbed 'em.
In any case… maybe it’s my New Yorker cynicism, but I’ve always assumed that anything I leave alone and unwatched won’t be there when I get back. If you want to keep it, keep your eyes on it.
I had a bicycle stolen right out of my own driveway in central Maine. They’re out there and they’re everywhere.
Just another thing I don’t see till 5 years later, sorta like the woman who licks her lips at me while taking her top off, so I offer her some Chapstick and open the window for her. Her chest must have been so overheated, the poor dear.
My old Grandad always used to say, “You can’t no more than have a hole in the ground and sooner or later, somebody will come along and try to steal it.”
Words I have forgotten to my chagrin a few times.
Satch
