The South African Ministry of Mines wants me!

[Michael_Ellis]

**
I am Dr. Vincent Makori, a native of Cape Town and Director of Project Implementation, South Africa Ministry of Mining & Natural Resources. I am making this contact with you based on the committee’s need for an individual/company who is willing to assist us with a solution to a money transfer.

**

Hmm… Nigeria? Fraud letters? Never heard of them. I’m sure this is legit.

**
First and foremost, I apologized using this medium to reach you for a transaction/business of this magnitude, but this is due to Confidentiality and prompt access reposed on this medium.

**

Yeah, right. Look Vinny, I use MSN. Bill Gates is probably reading my messages right now.

**
In unfolding this proposal, I want to count on you, as a respected and honest person to handle this transaction with sincerity, trust and confidentiality.

**

And gullability, naivety, and stupidity.

**
I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you in the execution of the deal described Hereunder for the benefit of all parties and hope you will keep it as a top secret because of the nature of this transaction.

**

What transaction? I can keep a secret, Vinny. You wanna hear a good one?

Well I won’t tell it to ya, because it’s a secret, right? Why should I share a secret with someone?

[MICHAEL walks stage left]

MICHAEL: [Stage whisper] Hey Joey, tell the gang about this guy!

[Assorted giggles and the like from off stage.

**
Within the Ministry of Mining and Natural resources where I work as Director of Project Implemention and with the cooperation of four other top officials, we have in our possession as overdue payment bills totaling Fourteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$14,500,000.) which we want to transfer abroad with the assistance and cooperation of a foreign company/individual to receive the said fund on our behalf or a reliable foreign non-company account to receive such funds.

**

Well Vinny, howsabout sending me a cashier’s check for $10 Million of it? I’ll be happy to diversify it for you. Of course, by diversify I mean use to buy my way into a romantic evening with Kirsten Dunst, but still…

**
More so, we are handicapped in the circumstances, as the South Africa Civil Service Code of Conduct does not allow us to operate offshore account hence your importance in the whole transaction.

**

What a pity that fraud is against the Code of Conduct, eh?

**
This amount $14.5m represents the balance of thetotal contract value executed on behalf of my Department by a foreign contracting firm, which we the officials over-invoiced deliberately.

**

Vinny, be honest. Are you sure this is all above board? I mean, you’re a Civil Servant, this is all legal, right?

**
Though the actual contract cost have been paid to the original contractor,

**

…but he still hasn’t finished remodeling your kitchen yet, I wager.

**
leaving the balance in the tune of the said amount which we have in principles gotten approval to remit by Key tested Telegraphic Transfer (K.T.T) to any foreign bank account you will provide by filing in an application through the Ministry of Justice here in South Africa for the transfer of rights and privileges of the former contractor to you.

**

But even if I wanted to do this, I don’t know the first thing about remodeling!

**
I have the authority of my partners involved to propose that should you be willing to assist us in the transaction, your share of the sum will be 30% of the $14.5 million, 60% for us and 10% for taxation and miscellaneous expenses.

**

Can’t we split it 50-50? Really Vinny, it’s only fair.

**
The business itself is 100% safe, on your part provided you treat it with utmost secrecy and confidentiality.

**

Vinny, you sound like you’re making me an offer I can’t refuse. Unfortunately, I didn’t see that movie, so I can’t really help you.

**
Also your area of specialization is not a hindrance to the successful execution of this transaction.

**

Thank God they didn’t find out I’m actually the masked Mexican porno star El Milhous!

**
I have reposed my confidence in you and hope that you will not disappoint me.

**

We’re very trusting, aren’t we Vinny?

**
Endeavor to contact me immediately through my e-mail address inculding your confidential telephone and fax numbers to enable me contact you for further details or to confirm whether or not you are interested in this deal.

**

Would you like my PIN code, too? How about my Social Security Number? I know, I’ll just write down everything about me and sell my clothes for crack after I mail it to you!

**
If you are not, it will enable me scout for another foreign partner to carry out this deal.

**

Yeah, I’ll do that. How about getting the US Gov’t in on this one? I’m sure they could use the cash.

**
I want to assure you that my partners and myself are in a position to make the payment of this claim possible provided you can give us a very strong Assurance and guarantee that our share will be secured

**

Secure this. flips off email message

**
and please remember to treat this matter very confidential , because we will not comprehend with any form of exposure as we are still in active Government Service .

**

opens window, shouts a la Network

HEY EVERYONE! THE SOUTH AFRICAN MINISTRY OF MINING WANTS TO SEND ME MONEY! COME GET RICH WITH ME!

**
Once again, remember that time is of great essence in this transaction.

**

Money launderers are standing by!

**
I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation.

Yours faithfully,
Dr. Vincent Makori

**

Vinny, you’re gonna have a long wait.

[Ringo]

Sheeez! All you got was Vinnie? Yesterday I got…

Good Day,
 
I hope this mail meets you in good time. My proposal to you will
be very surprising, as we have not had any Personal contact. However,
I sincerely seek your confidence in this transaction, which I propose to you as a man of intergrity.
 
First and foremost I wish to introduce myself properly to you.
My name is James Savimbi, I am a nephew and Personal Assistant
to Jonas Malheiro Savimbi, the leader of UNITA (National Union for
the Total Independence of Angola).

You’re runnin’ with the lightweights, Michael!

[sub]BTW, great commentary![/sub]

What slays me about all of these is that the basic premise is, “We’ve managed to steal/embezzle a BUNCH of money, and we want to cut you in!”

[elshatan]

What gets me is, according to Snopes, this scam goes way back and people STILL fall for it.

[photopat]

From what I’ve heard, people have fallen for it, then gone to Nigeria to try and get their money back! I believe it happened at least once, and the person never came back.

[Michael_Ellis]

*Originally posted by Ringo *
**[sub]BTW, great commentary![/sub]
**

Thank you.

[Floater]

First the letter. Then the T-shirt.

[LurkMeister]

Gee, I must be very untrustworthy. Nobody’s ever asked me to help them move money illegally.

Nor do I get suggestive e-mails from real amateur nude college girls, offers to help me increase the size of various body parts, or job opportunities to work at home.

And I don’t even have a spam filter. I must lurk better than I thought I did.