The South

ALABAMA – Eat a dozen raw eggs, thirteen cups of hot bacon grease and two sides of beef and you’ll
have some idea of what it’s like to be from Alabama. Yes, these are a people who have no idea when
enough is enough.

ARKANSAS – The only folks we know from Arkansas are multibillionaire Sam Walton and President
Bill Clinton. Based on these facts, we’d have to say that people from Arkansas have a lot of money
and a huge amount of control over the last surviving world superpower. But we wouldn’t recommend
interning in Arkansas! Hey! Look out! Watch out! Take my wife…

FLORIDA – The largest peninsula in the United States, Floridians love to flaunt their lack of
landlockedness. It’s hard to come away from a trip to the Everglades-and-Lemonades State without
picking up a “My parents went to Florida and all I got was this lousy T-shirt which also happens to
show that Florida has a longer coastline for its square-mileage than any other state in the union”

GEORGIA – Georgia is home to such varied celebrities as Newt Gingrich and musical acts REM
and the Indigo Girls. This may be the only place in the country where you can get up in the morning
to hear Gingrich lecture on the Economy and then toodle across town to a local music hall to hear
REM play on a double-bill with Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls. You could also drink a coke while you
were there. Because Coca-Cola is based in Atlanta.

KENTUCKY – In many ways, Kentucky (or K-Tuck as it’s known) is the heart of this great nation.
From their famous fried chicken recipe to their… big… Well, anyway, a lot happens in Kentucky.
Folks from Kentucky have a special quality about them–no, not that smell of fried chicken! It’s
something inside. And no, I’m not talking about a bellyful of fried chicken here, either. They can tell
you a charming story or sing you a song. Sometimes that story will be about how they fried up a
chicken, but sometimes it won’t. Same goes for the song. In the end, the thing that makes a
Kentuckian unique is his love of… oh, you guessed it: turtle bowling.

LOUISIANA – Often called the Mississippi of the South, Louisiana is known for two things:
Crooked cops and Mardi Gras and hookers and a crumbling state government and dirt poor schools
and an inhuman prison system. Once a year Louisiana’s “police” force takes a break from all of its
drug dealing and extortion for a week of drinking and partying in New Orleans. They spend the rest
of the year drinking and partying in their respective precincts.

MISSISSIPPI – As any grade school tot could tell you, Mississippi truly is “the state with four I’s,
four S’s, two P’s and a single M.” The fact is that the most oft spelled state in the nation is also the
most commonly misunderstood. The word Mississippi has become synonymous with slavery, but
that’s just not fair. Nowadays the only thing that these noble citizens are enslaved to is their own
work ethic, which has recently made Mississippi (with five factories and another one on the way) the
industrial capital of the south!

NORTH CAROLINA – North Carolinians live a precarious existence, caught between the sunny,
cotton-fried allure of the Old South and the snooty, car-driving temptations of the Northern states. Is
it hard for people to live without a clear geographical set of stereotypes? You bet! North Carolinians
are often confused as to whether they should be out drinking mint julips and electing Jefferson
Davis president of their own independent nation or whether they should be going to Yale and being

SOUTH CAROLINA – Although there has been a lot of publicity recently concerning the state
government’s refusal to take down the Confederate flag from the top of the state house, this was
just the final in a long string of flag-related incidents that have plagued this troubled state in recent
years. Four years ago the state was bitterly divided by a proposal for a new state flag, which included
a picture of the state house with the confederate flag on the roof prominently displayed. Two years
later there was a mural painted in downtown Charleston showing the state house–with the
confederate flag on the roof–flying the proposed state flag, with the picture of the state house with
the confederate flag on the roof in plain view. Then, six months later more disputes arose over
another proposed state flag, which included a picture of the mural with the state house and the old
flag, with both confederate flags clearly visible. There was also a white man in front of the mural
selling little black children for “dirt cheap.”

TENNESSEE – Much like the football Titans of whom they are so proud, the state of Tennessee was
stopped just short of the goal-line on the final play of the Superbowl of economic development. Still,
for a state who’s economic stability rests primarily on country music and Elvis’ house, life is pretty
good in Tennessee. You might even say that it’s Tennesseensational!

Or Tennesspectacular!

Or Tennesseegreat!

VIRGINIA – Not as rainy as Oregon, not as cold as Vermont, Virginia is, to quote their governor,
“just about right.”

WEST VIRGINIA – Formerly called North Virginia state politicians changed the name in 1946,
asserting that it was “unflattering” and “derivative.” When they could not come to an agreement on
their top two choices New Heaven and Virginia City, they compromised on West Virginia, which
everyone now agrees was “probably a cop out.”

I think I speak for eeryone when I say… “thank god this wasn’t in that weird smiley thing you usually do”

I’ll let Nocturne address this one:)

Standard response #1: I demand a recount.

Standard response #2: What about Hawai’i?

And I agree with oldscratch. I was expecting a link in spaceless text.

Very true. I actually opened this thread solely because I wanted to see what the hell kind of OP could be made with just a smilie!

Very true. I actually opened this thread solely because I wanted to see what the hell kind of OP could be made with just a smilie-message-thing!

Sweet Sue, I seriously hope you’re only joking with this thread.

In the case that you’re not joking, allow me my right to dispel the ignorant (yes, people in places OTHER than the South can be ignorant, too!) ideas some people like to harbor and spread about my state (Alabama) and some of the others.

Is this our very first one-person simulpost? Or is someone channeling evilbeth?

NORTH CAROLINA–“A valley of humility between two mountains of conceit”.

([sub]Verrry Interesting![/sub])

Kentucky and West Virginia are NOT PART OF THE SOUTH, thank very much !!! Well, maybe Todd county is.

*Originally posted by evilbeth *

[sub](me too!)[/sub]

Speleophile wrote:

Any state with hillbillies is part of the south, and that includes Missouri.

She talked about Kentucky and somehow failed to mention basketball, horse racing AND bourbon – I would have not thought it possible.

On the other hand, she also managed to get through that paragraph without gratuitous taunts in the realm of not wearing shoes, being illiterate, incest or several others that would get me into a huge snit. Can’t ask for much more than that.

why not again? Thirty-six years in Kentucky and I’ve never seen anything close to a “hillbilly”.[sup]1[/sup] So there you go, not the South.
1 [sup]Now, rednecks on the other hand…[/sup]

I thought any state south of the Manson-Nixon Line was in the South.


dwyr wrote:

Gosh, I think that living in Kentucky would probably skew your idea of what counts as a hillbilly somewhat.

I was under the impression that the “new” board software prohibited double posts from the same user by using that whole “once every sixty seconds” rule? Did I break it? (Although, I believe I’ve seen this elsewhere on the board recently.)

For the record, while the Tennessee description is not really insulting in any way, it is also not really correct. I realize it is supposed to be humorous but a little accuracy never hurt anyone.

Tennessee makes alot of money through hi-tech industry. We have Oak Ridge, Aerojet, Holston Defense, Eastman Chemical Corporation, Nuclear Fuel Services, etc. Also, I’d wager that Tennessee profits less financially from country music than say, Missouri (Branson).

Tennessee also brings in money with the Winston Cup NASCAR races at Bristol. (Rumored to be the hottest sporting event ticket in the country.) TN is also home to an NFL team (as mentioned) and also an NHL team.

Tennessee is often looked upon as being a state below the standard financial line. On average, I suppose it might be. However, pretty much the only places you are going to find real, abject poverty in the state are at the extreme ends–the inner cities of Memphis and the mountains of East Tennessee. East Tennessee is almost Rio de Janeiro-like in its inhabitants. There are individuals living in multi-million dollar houses just a couple miles away from individuals who still have no indoor plumbing.

Just consider this a little Tennessee 101 for the day!

What’s your point? :smiley: