oh oh oh! I haven’t been in a band in a while, this could be fun!
Another keyboard player here, as well as rhythm guitar… I can sort of sing too, and I’ve never been booed off the stage while singing, so that’s something.
After we debate what guitar player rips it up better than the others we can discus how Keith Emerson is still the king of all piano-type instruments. Then we can thrust a sword through a hammond organ. Followed by more beers.
A brawl at some point would be nice too.
Well-I-can’t-sing–in-fact-my-kids-used-to-beg-me-notto-sing-them-a-lullabye.
I’m-really-not-strong-enough-to-haul-equipment-around-besides-I-could-break-a-nail-or-something.
I’m-a-fourty-something-woman-so-I-doubt-anyone-would-sleep-with-me-to-get-to-anybody.
I-am-good-with-facts-and-figures-and-can-be-one-viscious-bitch-if-need-be-so-I’d-like-apply-for-the-position-of-assistant-manager/motivater.
*YOU-CALL-THAT-SINGING???YOU-GUYS-GET-IN-THERE-AND-PRACTICE-PRACTICE-PRACTICE.-WE’RE-NOT-PAYING-YOU-JUST-TO-LOOK-GOOD.
Mermaid, you kill me. I hope you don’t get your space bar fixed. It’s way funnier this way.
And you sound like you have the manager love/abuse thing down already. You’re hired, in my book anyway.
Gee, can I be the roadie / bouncer / sound guy / piano groupie?
I can only afford to pay you $200 a month right now, but maybe in the future…
Hoosier Daddy!?
Damhna beat me to the prior-thread-link, so I’d like to volunteer for the Band. Despite being Welsh, I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but I can play saxophone (tenor or alto, preferably, or baritone in a pinch) and a bit of piano.
I can stand in the dark at the side of the stage with the back-up singers and second keyboardist with my trusty tenor sax.
Band huddle!
::Should the name be “THe Straight Dope Banned Band,” or “The Straight Dope Banned?”
“The Banned!!… we’ve got to get the banned back together!”
The Straight Dope Banned… we could play at dopefests worldwide… hey, that might be kind of fun!
Me too! Maybe the band members could rotate after every song like in volleyball! I can’t sing unless you like Gordon Cano or Johnny Lydon but I can hang out, drink beer, and start vicious rumours about the other bands for you.
I am all over the cow bell. And don’t pretend you don’t need one either.
You can never have enough cow bell.
-Disciple of Alf
Being a drooling, obsessed fan of Einstürzende Neubauten, I can bring in metal plates to bang on. I can play the French horn with a little competence (one and a half years of middle school band). I can also sing fairly well, but only at low volumes. I’m not a screamer. I can whip up somewhat decent lyrics, but rarely rhyme (I tend to use alliteration more than rhyme). I’m quiet and shy in real life, and had a childhood of relatively immoral behaviour, but without much malice involved - I can be your John Lennon (I need a Yoko Ono… Volunteers? Anyone?)!
[Walken]I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription for it is more cowbell.[/Walken]
Oh! I almost forgot, I can play guitar too. It’s been awhile, but I bet I can still crank out a tune or two.
Definately the “Straight Dope Banned!”
When’s practice?!
I see Fenris, dressed just like John Candy in that odd movie wherein JC had to rewrite the script to get himself back into reality, writing a knock-off of the song, Kokomo, using the names of all the banned.
But then, I do have a twisted mind on occasion. 
Hey! I can sing! …and I live right by pezpunk in Tampa…
What kind of band is this again? Yodeling lounge music?
You need a keyboard player? I’ve never actually played keyboard before, but that never stopped Linda McCartney (MGRHS) from joining a band! As an added bonus, I can sing on key.
I do have kids, though, so can we practice during school hours? Oh, and no weekends during soccer season.
Lisa, looking frantically for her kids’ Casio keyboard.
I don’t normally take requests, but
A) I owe you one from that Pit thread a while back,
and more importantly,
B) This is a f*cking great idea
[sub]Plus, C) If this gets the entire thread thrown into the Pit, I can blame YOU!!! Bwah-ha-ha! [/sub]
So,
Cue faux-Carribean music, start the steel drums, put on your flame-proof sunblock and listen:
Jack Tyler
And Phaedy
I don’t miss you greatly
DitW(a)d
And MuMu
and Infidel
goodbye too
Oh, WildBill
I digress
'bout BooBoo’s
Little Tigress
LochNessHump
and Concrete
Your names we rarely repeat
On the S-D-M-B
There’s a thing called banning. That’s
where they take up the welcome mat
and make you go far away.
Oh when a poster’s banned
Threads will start asking “Was this planned
or not thought out?
Explain your reasons to me!”
On the S-D-M-B
Jack Tyler
And Phaedy
Gee I miss ya greatly
DitW(a)d
And MuMu
and Infidel
goodbye too
Oh, WildBill
I digress
'bout BooBoo’s
Little Tigress
LochNessHump
and Concrete
Your names we rarely repeat
<nifty John Lennon-esque bridge from the Beach Boys to Wings>
Stopped from making posts here
Sent away forever
Never posting again
Goodbye
To you
Goodbye
To yooooouuuu
If I ever get banned from here
It’s just time to go away
To another message board
Where they’ll give me the time of day
If I ever get banned from here
If I ever get banned from here
Well the thread exploded with a mighty flash
As the troll, he fanned the flames
And as the Pit Mod said to the Admin “Hey!
I hope you’re taking names!”
Banned on the run!
Banned on the run!
And the trollish lout
was soon thrown out
To the relief of everyone
With the
Banned on the run!
Banned on the run!
Well the Admin cursed and with a heavy sigh
She knew what must be done
And the moderator drew a real deep breath
For the flames had just begun
From the
Banned on the run!
Banned on the run!
And the threads you see
'bout the conspiracy
And the clique just weren’t fun
'bout the
Banned on the run
Banned on the run
And the real culprit
was the sock-puppet
who was gone forever more
it’s now
Banned on the run
Banned on the run
(etc)
Fenris
Very nice, Fenris. Now I know how Yoko felt the first time she heard “Imagine.”
::Looking around nervously::
Anyone know Bernie Taupin’s number?
::flicks Bic lighter::
::holds lighter over head::
::sways back and forth::
::chants::
Fennn-risssssss!!!
Fennn-risssssss!!!
Fennn-risssssss!!!
Fennn-risssssss!!!
Fennn-risssssss!!!
Fennn-riOWWWWWW!!!
::drops lighter::
::sucks on burned finger::
Hey, everyone! If we need any lyrics, ya know- to do covers- I have a TON of records! I’ve even got almost ninety 78’s! What? Oh, CD’S. Well, yeah, I think I have three. Two are from my church though…
Mr zoogirl’s band just did a gig at a college and I bet we can borrow equipment off them.
Oldies! Oldies!
Alright, everybody out of the way, the King is here. You couldn’t possibly let anyone else sing now that you’ve got me. What’s more, in addition to singing, I can do some mean karate moves, sweat profusely, throw scarves to orgasmic middle aged women, and, if we’re lucky, I’ll do it all without splitting the seam in the rear of my expensive jumpsuit, which is actually cleaned by my sweat!