Audrey, dear, if you break all the pool cues fighting, how on earth are we going to play afterwards? Here, have a folding chair…try not to leave * too * much of a dent in his forehead 
::ducks folding chair Audrey swings at him, drops to the floor and moves around in circles a la Curly::
WoooWoooWoooWoooWooo!
::rolls across the floor and grabs Sakura::
You’re coming with me, young lady. Just wait till I tell your mother what you’ve been up to.
::gives Shadow a boot in the keester::
That’s for tickling me.
No hurry, Dave. I’m rather enjoying watching Shadowfox beat the crap out of you!
By the way, your daughter is positively delightful! Thanks so much for bringing her in!
Oh, and Sakura? If you ever get a chance, I could use a few whoop-ass lessons. You are good!
Shadowfox picks herself off the floor, rubbing her behind where Dave kicked her. She walks over to the dart board and grabs some darts…
“Come here Dave, I need to practice my throwing technique and your chest is the perfect target”
:: grabs a bar stool and deflects Shadow’s darts::
Um, Persephone, thanks for waiting, but…A LITTLE HELP HERE!!!
::shoves Sakura toward Persephone::
Here, if you think she’s so delightful, watch her for me while I keep from becoming The Amazing Human Pincushion.
:::wraps arm protectively around Sakura:::
So, dear, has anyone told you yet the truth about men?
:::pats barstool:::
Sit down, dear. Here, let me get you a Coke. I’ll give you the skinny on life with these weiners if you’ll give me a few tips on how to kick ass the way you do.
::Joins Persephone on said barstool::
I’ve heard some on the back of the bus, but I’m all ears.
::Suddenly business-like::
Now, if you wanna whup ass, then you gotta rely mostly on all old movies. Westerns, Mafia movies are good, AND the Three Stooges. It makes sense if you think about it. Hard core action isn’t that great, 'cause you’ll probably pull something, but you get good come-back lines.
::Gives a world-weary sigh and sips her Coke::
waits until VaHermit’s back is turned…snags a guitar from a passing musician and beats Va over the head with it…returns ruined guitar back to disgruntled musician, then distracts him with illegal drugs while she makes her getaway to hide behind the bar
Okay, here’s the deal, Sakura:
Men are weenies.
But if you tell them they’re studmuffins and they rule the universe, you’ll get pretty much anything you want from them. If you decide you want anything from them. It’s better to be self-reliant, really. Men are nice for, as Tim Allen put it, lawn care & vehicle maintainance, but you can learn to do those yourself too.
Hey Dave! C’mere!
:::pokes Dave in the eyes, Three Stooges-style:::
How was that, Sakura?
::claps his hand over his eyes::
OWOWOWOW!
Why, I oughta…
::does several Three Stooges takes, complete with sound effects::
::gets hit in the tush by one of Shadow’s darts::
WOAH! That’s pointy.
:: pulls out dart, accompanied by the sound of a plucked violin string – BOINK!::
That’s gonna leave a mark. I’m a victim of soicumstances.
:walks in sees the brawl:
:cool
hey you guys missed this bottle! its still whole!
Gimme that!
::opens bottle, consumes contents, smashes bottle over Dave::
Alright then…
::scoops up Audrey and caroli…enil…whoever…and heads for stairs::
::wriggles free of Myrr and sneaks up on Dave::
Thought ya got rid of me, huh??
::tackles Dave, rams him into beanbag chairs::
Myrr, hold him down for a sec for me, willya? Thanks.
::duct-tapes Dave’s hands together:: One hundred and THREE uses!!! (Anyone who’s seen Hollow Man knows what Use #102 is.)
Sakura, I’m not sure how to GIVE him amnesia… it’s one of those things they don’t teach undergrads in the psych department… so how about I just force him to watch Spice Girls videos for a week or so?
Good lord! She just asked you to give him amnesia, not kill the poor man.
Now hurry up with that… 
Almost done, Myrr! Don’t worry, Dave’s gonna be okay… he’ll just be really pissed is all… he’ll probably hunt me down… Oh well!
John, I’m doing great, thanks! I’ve just rendered Dave immobile, so I’m pretty proud of myself! So, who have you beat up so far?
Sakura, thanks for the towelette! ::wipes face and neck of Dew:: Sorry about your dad. He started it, though. Hope we can be friends.
Oooh ooh ooh…can we run Dave along the bar through a bunch of drinks? That’d be fun…and classic too.
Yeah yeah!!! Help me put him on the bar!
Yay!
::helps lift Dave and run him through the assorted beverages arrayed along its length::
Wheeee!! This is fun, can we do it some more?
Hey, where’s coldfire?
Oh, there he is.
:walks over and bitchslaps his lifeless body:
runs away like a candyass to get superhero reinforcements.
Okay! You stay on this end of the bar, I’ll go to the other end… we can slide him back and forth!