If anyone needs me, I’ll be back in the conservatory watering the ferns. Let me know when the delivery truck from Williams-Sonoma gets here…I took the liberty of ordering some (read: a lot of) stuff for the kitchen.
And stay out of my room!
And you can usually find Chronos, DrMatrix, and Podkayne in the library, arguing the subtleties of quantum physics—while Spider Woman and TN*hippie are over by the fireplace, writing and comparing limericks.
While enjoying the Zero Cottage on the grounds, Saint Zero is the group Chauffeur, ferrying the non-driving 'Dopers around. Juliana would be in charge of Pagers/Cell Phones and the like.
<-----on the crapper, of course
Which better be well lit, well ventilated, and CLEAN, with a large selection of magazines (National Geographic and Popular Mechanics) and paperbacks.
b.
:: waves ::
Hi, everybody.
Thanks for the beer, Cajun Man.
I think I like this place.
Which way to the library?
I’ll be upstairs, in the sunken tub, taking a bubblebath by candlelight, reading old Archie comics and drinking a white russian while people pound on the doors needing to pee desperately. I’ll just laugh, turn up my radio and continue to soak.
jarbaby
Why are people always playing in my food?
I don’t roll around in your soufflé…
much
Screw the mad scientist gig–I’m going upstairs. And I can pick locks.
<jarbabyj, bubbles, and candlelight…mmmmmm>
Eve will be in the parlor, playing the piano and regaling us with amusing stories.
Actually, the effect will be more like the opening scene of the Bride of Frankenstein, with Eve in the Elsa Lanchester role.
What, nobody wants to visit the rustic house in the woods?
hmph.
celestina’s on the front porch sitting in a rocking chair. She’s just finished painting her fingernails and toenails “Society Rose,” and now she’s relaxing, occasionally waving her hands to dry them, but drying her polish is thirsty work so to help in the process, she’s got a shot glass and a bottle of Oban nearby. Gingerly she pours herself a drink and manages not to smear her artwork. Then she sits back and watches the stars. The breeze brings the scent of honeysuckle her way, and she inhales deeply. As she rocks and sips and gazes up at the heavens, she thinks to herself: “Life is good.” 
Of course it’d be even better if other folks would come join her and share in this cool evening.
Can I come??? Can I?* Please, please? OK - I have been playing truant from SDMB for a while but I’m back (huh - just in time for the visit of the evil hacker )
So, as unemployed librarian, can I help furryman with the library?
-
- all right, you pendantic lot, I meant, of course, “may I?”
What kind of weapons?
And why does the main house have to be this old 19th century mansion-type thing? Why can’t it be all high-tech and ultra-modern? Unless…there’s a high-tech ultra-modern batcave type setup underneath the old mansion. Yeah…that would be cool…
Also of course there needs to be a swimming pool, if for no other reason than to let me ogle at all the hot babes here 
Don’t worry, Crunchy. I will soon be out to keep you company once everyone figures out how bad I suck at Hearts and throws me out in digust. We’ll sit together and I’ll tell you how much I’ve always liked your “fun size” sig line.
But then Diane will come out on the back porch with a huge cigar clamped in her jaws and wearing a green eyeshade, hollering at me to get my butt back in to play poker (a game I’m good at). She rounds up Qadgop the Mercotan & pldennison and Miller to round out the game. I lobby hard to include Ginger Of The North because I’m hopeful that our strange all-green U.S. money will confuse her into betting foolishly.
Thus I run back inside and abandon poor Crunchy again.
In the basement, there is a regulation 50 foot .22 caliber rifle range. AFotD, Unclebeer, Taranquilis and Spoofe can occasionally be found there.
As for me, I’m in the sunroom, setting up an easel and putting out oil painting supplies and what not. If Gaudere is around, I’ll grab her and ask if she wants to join in.
Anyone want to pose nude for me? Otherwise I’m going to paint a big collection of fruit.
Lady Ice comes staggering out of the woods behind the house holding her GPS system and her latest scavenger hunt prize, a Cartman keychain. She grabs a Mike’s Hard Lemonade, her laptop and heads for the library.
Oooooo, me me me! But, I’d like a bottle of really good chianti and “Monroe’s Red” for the tootsies.
Did ya see those fairy roses I planted next to the path that leads up to the house?
Hey, Sophie! By all means join me. You know I thought I caught a hint of rose on the breeze too. Mmmm. Next to honeysuckle, I LOVE the smell of roses! Wonderful job with the roses, and they’re fairy ones no less.
Fruit - ick. I can’t imagine the SDMB house decorated with portraits of fruit. So I suppose I’ll sacrifice my modesty. Are you interested in lush, voluptuous women? 