The Straight Dope Resturant Complex

Cafe Society
21

Oh, I’m so there. You might have to put in a Chappelle-esque disclaimer about possible “wile bowels” and the distinct possibility of “the itis.”

Hrm…it’s tough to beat what’s already been listed.

I think I’ll go with Blake’s Steaks - all types of cuts for all types of tastes (and pocketbooks) cooked to order. We’ll even do well-done without raising an eyebrow and making you feel like you just took the lord’s name in vain. :wink: Steaks will be cooked over an open fire, and there will only be one bottle of “steak sauce” in the place, reserved for those who, apparently, don’t actually like the taste of steak. Still, if requested, we will supply the sauce with no dirty looks.

To go along with your beef, we will serve Great Northern Railroad-style baked potatoes, along with a chef’s choice veggie of the day (running the gamut from mustard greens to a veg-all style medley.)

Dessert will be Illinois Central Railroad peach cobbler.

22

Maybe some of these places could cooperate, for catering off-premise at least. I make a pretty good challah, I’ve done bagels(boiled of course, none of this steamed dough), and if I do say so myself my rugelach is pretty good. I do hamantaschen as well, with prune or poppyseed filling. Call me a traditionalist, I prefer the basics.

I wish this was a real place!

23

Damn, missed the edit window again.

Sure! Like I said, we could cooperate.

24

Yes, all the resturants would cooperate, all Dopers are welcome at MacTech’s Dock, and once a year, I’d serve up a free clambake for all the other resturant proprieters and staff

For those willing, I’d also have your products available at The Dock

The Dock also serves fine Ales and Lagers brewed onsite, and we’re introducing a Raw bar as well

(Dear Og, why can’t this complex be real? :wink: )

Hmm, what this complex needs is a movie theater as well, one that shows really bad B-Movies and encourages the audience to heckle the screen, I think I’ll call it the Satellite of Love, free admission for all Dopers :slight_smile:

25

Glad I made it in in time to stake out a spot for the Java Jungle. All coffee, all the time. Real coffee. Come in and order a frappe mocha chino half skim with sweet-n-low and your yuppie butt will leave a skid mark as you bounce out the door. Coffee beans roasted on site and fresh pastries provided by Baker.

26

Does the Java Jungle supply I.V. drips of their microroasted coffee, I could sure use one…

27

I think the probability that no Doper has the winning Powerball ticket might have something to do with that… :wink:

28

I’ll run the gym.(Good idea,ivylass) Membership is free to all Dopers and swiping your card at the entrance logs you on. All cardio machines have laptops attached so you can post while working out. If you want to lift, Wi-Fi equipped laptops are available at the front desk. Refresh yourself at the juice bar with smoothies, fresh squeezed juices and healthy snacks.

“Fighting flab since 2007”
(This could take awhile)

29

The Dish and Spoons: Operated by my wife and myself (she’s the Dish who ran away with this Spoons), we’re a nice little neighbourhood North American idea of a British pub. Heavy on the woodwork, and heavier on the meals: traditional British fare such as shepherd’s pie, cottage pie, steak and kidney pie, and the like. Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding is on the menu once a week, and there are chicken wings for those who must have them. Desserts are almost too much, but would include apple crumble, creme brulee (my wife’s best), and various cheesecakes. A well-stocked bar offers a variety of beers on tap, single-malt Scotches, and fine wines for those who like wine.

Well-behaved children are welcome, although their parents may wish to think twice before bringing them in–the house humidor offers fine Cuban cigars, and pipe smokers are welcome to bring their briars.

Sign up for the dart league, the pub trivia league, and the annual golf tourney. Remember also we have an open acoustic jam once a month, in addition to weekly entertainment on Fridays and Saturdays. More than just a place to eat, The Dish and Spoons is where a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.

30

The clint eastwood films were mostly made in Italy Who knew Italy had deserts?

31

Restaurant? Shit, I have an idea for an entire RESORT.

I plan to construct an enormous new casino resort on the Las Vegas Strip. It’s going to be called “Vegas, Eh!” and it’ll be Canadian-themed. Oh, you might think that’s funny, but wait until you see how I’m at 60% capacity just by drawing Canadian tourists.

In addition to its other attractions, such as the attached hockey arena and NHL team, the world-famous nude burlesque show (starring “The Beavers”) scale replicas of Niagara Falls and the CN Tower and a security staff dressed as Mounties, we’ll have restuarants that will knock you right on your ass:

La Place du Manger (“The Eating Place”) will be the casino’s premier French restaurant for haute cuisine, served up by world-reknowned chefs. This is the casino’s absolute flagship restaurant where you need to be rich (or lucky at the tables) to eat there, but the food will make your brain explode, it’ll be so good.

The Alberta Steakhouse will be the casino’s main red meat place. I will steal the chef from Wolfgang’s in NYC - who I think was stolen from Peter Luger’s - to make steaks so wonderful you’ll absolutely shit your pants. Prime rib off the bone will be served around the clock at the Alberta Steakhouse; if you happen to want a 24-ounce cut of prime rub cooked just right at 4 AM, then by Christ, you’ll have it.

Halifax Harbour (note the spelling) will be your stop in for all things seafood. Lobster, crab, shrimp, fish of every conceivable sort, shark steaks, mussels, oysters and calamari; if it lives in water we’ll have it killed and cook it for you. All seafood served will be flown directly from the coast in my private jet on a daily basis; no shitty frozen stuff at Halifax Harbour.

The Toronto Buffet - Every Vegas joint needs a buffet, and this buffet will be so indescribably awesome that people in other casinos will fill buses to come eat at it. It will seat thousands and feature delicacies from every ethnic group represented in Toronto - which is to say almost every ethnic group there is. Chinese, Indian, Caribbean, Greek, Italian, Mexican, you name it.

Poutine will be a place in the middle of the casino floor that serves poutine. What else is there to say? And it’s poutine made right - cheese CURDS and chicken gravy.

The Senator will be the casino’s hoppin’ sports bar. There will not be plasma TVs on the walls; the walls will be MADE of plasma TVs. No sporting event that takes place on this planet will not be shown at The Senator, though hockey will be the main sport covered, and of course more than 1000 beers from around the world, including all good Canadian brands (and Labatt’s) will be served up. The wings served at The Senator will be, of course, the best chicken wings ever served anywhere.

B.C. Place will be the casino’s place for vegetarian cuisine. I don’t know anything about vegetarian cuisine except that it seems boring but some people like it and I want their money, so I’ll have a place that serves it up good.

We’ll also have not one, but TWO nightclubs; Studio 67, which will be the rockin’ bar for gentlemen to meet ladies, and Queen’s, (named after my alma mater) which will be a gay bar because I think the double entendre is funny and I’ve never heard of a gay bar at a major Vegas casino so we’ll get all the business.

Of course, there will be at least half a dozen Tim Horton’s facilities on site.

32

Spider John’s will hold a parking lot BBQ for staff of the complex for all the important holidays: Superbowl Sunday, Opening Day of baseball season, St. Swindon’s Day, any time TCU wins a football game. We will also offer a 30% off employee card issued to any employee of the complex, good for up to 6 people in their party. Free cocktail for birthday people (think Toby Keith’s Toadsuck Pond - a wonderful mix of vodka, Midori, pineapple juice and rum.)

33

Is my 30% good for wine by the glass?

34

House wine, sure. We don’t have anything else. This is a BBQ joint, remember? Your choices are Red or The Other Red? :smiley:

35

the red would just be fine

36

I’ll swipe somebody else’s restaurant: Casablanca Restaurant, a 7 or 8 course meal (the soup course is served only in the winter) of Moroccan cuisine, on dining couches, with belly dancers! And occasionally a saber dancer too! In the SDMB Complex, I’ll try to also serve the lunch crowd.

Meanwhile, I’ll be at Ivylass’s Dessert & Wine Bar. Which means I’ll want to take several classes at runner pat’s gym and Wi-Fi bar.

37

QB’s Stock Pot, a modestly appointed but cozy little shop. Served will be soups, stews and the like made at my whim and from scratch: bean soups, beef stew, French onion, dal bhat, potato leek soup, even jambalaya. Any leftovers are stuffed into pastries and sold at lunch time. Monday is “Whatchagot Stew” day.

38

What’re Kool-Aid pickles?

39

The Cracked Pott, serving only finger food. Not a fork in the joint. Steamed washcloths are set on the table with the menus. The dinner menu includes hamburgers, french fries, pizza, sushi, crudite, poi, kebaps, tortas, yakitori. What’s for dessert? Ice cream cones, popsicles, fruit cubes, cookies, flan.

Seating sections include smoking, noncoughing, and fun. The fun section has bowls of complimentary flan and jello in all colors on each table, perfect for the hourly food fights. Showers to the left, towel rental extra.

40

Blondebear’s Camping Cuisine, where we only serve dishes cooked over a wood fire or on propane/butane/white gas stoves, using nesting pots.

Tonight’s specialty is chicken corn chowder and cous cous (with a dash of champagne and a touch of mustard)…the resulting glop tenderly wrapped in a low fat tortilla.

Of course we have s’mores for dessert.