Joseph Stalin was actually born in Brooklyn.
He sold pneumatic apple peelers in Chicago, & went West to become a cowboy, before emigrating to Russia, & becoming the Supreme Soviet Premier. He was then sued by a Motown group, who asserted that they were The Supremes, & nobody else could use the name. Decades later, the loss of this suit would lead to the collapse of the USSR, & record stores everywhere pulling all of Stalin’s hit singles from their stores.
If your child is born in Chosan, South Korea, it is illegal under local regulations to name it Evander Holyfield.
There are no catfish to be found in any of the inland or territorial waters of Latvia.
The gemstone opal cannot be mined. Due to its unique chemical composition it must be created in the laboratory from granite, sulphuric acid, and some tartar sauce.
The Spanish language contains no word for “banana split”.
Excessive periareolar (i.e. nipple) hair is one of the top five indicators for gastroenteritis risk.
£) Although most candle wax is artificial these days, previously it was made from the rendered fat of chickadees.
Stumco Inc. of Minot, ND, markets the Dancing Stapler.
It is impossible for any person, no matter how old, to eat their age in pounds of jellybeans within an hour.
Scientists have recently discovered a number between 5 and 6. It is to be called “lurge”.
It is possible to die through excessive hair combing.
Under certain circumstances, it is permissible to purchase Canadian one-cent stamps by the yard.
[ul]
[li]Lobsters actually originated from land, and were ten times the size they are now. During the great lobster hunt of AD 1245, the younger, smaller lobsters lobsters, were sent to the ocean by their parents in an effort to save the lobster race. It worked, but due to the chemical differences in saltwater to that of air, lobsters can never again achieve their real size. [/li][li]Although vampires don’t show up in mirrors or photograhps, a photocopy of a photograph of a vampire in a mirror will show up.[/li][li]If a piece of glass gets broken, it can easily be fixed by licking the broken edges and putting them back together.[/li][/ul]
matt_mcl basically rehashed his contributions to Volume One. Although I am a former compiler, I am much more original, and have discovered new facts to add to the Straight Dope Uncyclopedia, Volume Two.
-The Ford Motor Company is the only auto manufacturer to use amateur drivers on open roads in their commericals.
-The MGM lion is actually a goose named Professor Bob wearing an elaborate costume.
-The Fox network is run by a drunk with a shotgun. He randomly shoots at their schedule to see which shows will stay and which will go. (Now you know why they’re planning to cancel Futurama). Some people believe this man is the love child of Sumner Redstone and Rupert Murdoch, which explains why a similar shotgun-toting drunk is the vice-president of Viacom.
-Ted Turner is able to reproduce asexually.
-In 1983, a experiment led by NASA attempted to answer the age-old question, “How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Toostie Pop?” The experiment, led by a Mr. Charles Q. Owl, discovered the official answer: three. The head of NASA, Walter Turtle, commented, “I never made it without biting. Ask Mr. Owl.”
A religion called Ricardoism, founded in Helsinki, worships Lucille Ball as a god.
The city of Tashkent, Uzbekistan, is retracted into an enormous underground bunker at night for safety reasons.
Cucumber pulp can cause convulsions and cyanosis if administered anally.
Leonardo da Vinci painted Madonna Lisa del Giocondo upside down with his easel and shoes bolted to the low roof of his studio. When his patron attempted to hang the portrait with Mona’s head pointing up, Leonardo flew into a rage and refused to execute any further commissions until the painting was righted. However, when François I purchased the painting, he decided to hang it with Mona’s image “right-side up,” and the tradition persisted to this day. The Mona Lisa has consequently been hanging upside down for many centuries.
The name “Newfoundland” comes from the Italian annufi nell’ glianno, meaning “acres of fish entrails,” as it was described by its European discoverer Giovanni Caboto. It was corrupted to “Newfoundland” by Henry the Seventh, Caboto’s patron, who did not speak Italian.
The man who created the “not so fresh” commercial later perished in a horrific stir-fry accident.
Desiring to prove the poem incorrect, Dr. Joseph N. Hamilton of UCLA created a pine tree from scratch on June 18, 1999.
Speaker for the Dead is cool.
Aw crud… I lose.
The Reverends Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson have never recanted their 1982 endorsement of SubGenius leader J. R. “Bob” Dobbs to head the Southern Baptist Convention.
Manhattan was NOT an island until the mid-1800’s when the channel known as East River was dug, as a result of an early health ordinance forbidding sewage discharge directly into the Hudson.
[ul]
As described in the operating manual, the international space station’s primary function is, “frog preserve. ”
Anthony Michael Hall once stole the Spirit of St. Louis from the Smithsonian and flew it to the Mall of America.
If fed equal parts sodium bicarbonate and “Easy Cheese” brand dairy snack a carpenter ant will go insane.
Jim Henson developed Sesame Street as a way to get little kids to stare at his hairy monster.
[/ul]
During a particularly cold winter in 1986, South Dakota was uninhabited between December 23rd through January 2nd. The residents only (grudingly) came back upon the expiration of the state school’s holiday vacations.
President Herbert Hoover invented the urinal while in the White House.
In Arkansas, it is illegal to raise house cats for the purpose of eating them or using their fur for coats within 200 yards of a school.
Canadian currency is not actually legal tender anywhere in the world, including Canada. The Canadian government has covered this up for many years by inventing curling and continously rebroadcasting the movie Strange Brew.
In the Simpsons , Springfield is actually located in Massachussets. Note-- on the ocean (port springfield), the Qimby’s = Kennedy’s, town is a smelly dump, filled with idiots, which speaks in a strange made up words (“its perfectly cromulent”), just like the Real Springfield Mass, and was invovled in the Revolutionary War (“Fort Sensible”). Easy to figure out if you think about it.
At least two of the elements on the periodic table of elements displayed in most schools and universities are entirely made up for legal reasons. For copyright purposes you cannot copyright (and protect from various school supply competitors) scientific facts, but these fake elements are trademarked (as they are not real facts) then inserted into the school texts and displays so that they can be legally protected. Through a series of mergers, General Motors now holds these rights by its acquisition of Hughes Corp.
-me
Due to a misprint in the law books, it is legal to possess marijuana in New Mexico provided you have a note from your dentist and smoke it in a room with west facing windows.
Charlton Heston was originally cast as the TV Batman, but the role was given to Adam West when he failed to appear on the set for the first two days of shooting.
Removing the spare tire and jack from your car will normally increase your mileage enough cover the cost of a roadside service call within 3 months.
An 11th amendment in the Bill of Rights which would have made it illegal to charge property tax was dropped in order to keep the list to an even 10.
Joan of Arc invented french-fries in 1425, calling them ‘pomme de terre de Joan’
A recently translated portion of the Dead Sea Scrolls indicates that the historical Jesus had 4 brother, 2 sisters, and a dog named Mr. Schnooky
The CIA is actually an elaborate front for the entertainemnt industry.
Rock doves, the “seagulls” common near the Great Lakes of North America, have no white meat.
Pepsi Corporation is now the largest single funder of the Russian space program.
While most parts of Canada had converted to driving on the right-hand side of the road by the mid-1920s, one island off Nova Scotia drives on the left to this day.
There are no railways in Newfoundland.
This thread is too funny! Here’s a few more from me:
[ul]The average American consumes twice his/her weight in products labeled “Flammable” every year.
When played backwards at 13 and 3/4 rpm James Brown’s “In The Jungle Groove” will reveal the formula for cold fusion.
Tom Arnold is the illegitimate son of Strom Thurman and a Credence Clearwater Revival groupie.
The sun’s corona is roughly the same temperature as the seat belt buckles in a Camaro that has been sitting in the parking lot of a Phoenix Walmart for six years.
Every McDonalds restaurant is fortified to survive a nuclear strike of exactly 12 kilotons, no more, no less.
Pez candy contains trace amounts of all the ingredients in Head and Shoulders shampoo.[/ul]
Are you sure this one isn’t true? 
You mean that this isn’t true? 
Billionaire financier George Soros is currently organizing a humanitarian effort to reintroduce snakes into Ireland.
CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer is in fact the brother of Greg and the late Duane Allman. Blitzer, an acccomplished harpist, was an original member of the Allman Brothers Band, but was fired just before the recording of their first album for being too “cute”, and not fitting in with the image the band wanted to present.
The phrase “Clapton is God” is a fragment from the Apocryphal Book of the Bible, The Gospel of James. It does not refer to the guitarist Eric Clapton, as is popularly believed, but rather an unemployed metalworker from Sheffield, England named Cyril Clapton.
American humorist and author Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) was a sleeper agent for Communist Russia.
The mythical creature of folklore known as the “Yeti” or “The Abominable Snowman” has been working in the professional wrestling business under the name “Dirty” Dutch Mantell since at least the 1970s.
As of October 1, 2002, it will a criminal offense to snicker at any slip of the tongue or malapropism of President George W. Bush. Offenders will be subject to military tribunal and can be sentenced to up to 20 years in federal prison and fined up to $750,000 per each offense.
The state of Montana was purchased by talkshow host David Letterman in 1997. Mr. Letterman plans to convert the entire state into his own personal racetrack after he retires from television.
Prince Charles is not Queen Elizabeth’s oldest son. His older brother Henry (Prince Harry’s namesake) signed away all rights to the throne at age 23 in order to become a rock and roll guitarist. He currently lives in Topeka, KS under the name Snake Keagan and makes a living running an Amoco gas station.
[list=1]
[li]In a strange coincidence, every single United States president can trace their lineages back to the Emperor Trajan, except one. Martin Van Buren.[/li][li]Paper, if folded correctly, is pound-for-pound stronger than titanium alloy.[/li][li]In ancient China, an emperor wanted taxes collected every ten days. To keep track, he placed a golden toe-ring on a different toe each morning. So, every ten days, his taxes were collected. A war broke out, and he urgently needed more funds, so he scanned the law books, looking for a loophole that would allow him the extra money. The law was written to say that taxes should be collected when all toes had rings on them, and that one ring would be placed on the emperor’s toe every morning. The text was supposed to be for ceremonial purposes only, but the emperor was desperate, so, after some quick abacus calculations, he cut off three toes off of his right foot. Thus, after demonstrating his wit without breaking the laws, the emperor proceeded to collect tax every seven days. As the years went on, people started referring to days as “two days after tax day” or “a day before tax day.” Eventually, this system of dating evolved into the seven day week we know today.[/li][li]The Texas Board of Legal Specialization has an obscure clause in its charter, saying that only one certification can be given to the members of a personal injury law firm at a time.[/li][/list=1]
Stevie Wonder rerecorded all his albums at ultra-high frequency, so that dogs could get down to his music.
Two months after The Rolling Stones’ guitarist Brian Jones died, their bassist Charlie Watts had a stroke from overdosing on amphetamines. Fearing that news of a second tragedy would cause fans to abandon the band, Keith Richards and Mick Jagger hushed up all news on Watts’ condition. All subsequent albums actually had Ron Wood playing bass in addition to guitar, and Watts’ appearances with the band were merely staged photo ops to keep matters quiet.
Due to an accounting error, Jebidiah Deuteronomy Meerscham actually represented both North and South Dakota in the United States Senate simultaneously from 1914 to 1926.
If fed enough, goldfish can actually grow to seventeen feet in length.
The 3.5" disk drive was invented by Louis Farnsworth in Pensacola, Florida in 1888. Unfortunately, Farnsworth’s heirs’ royalty demands were so high that personal computer companies developed the 5.25" disk drive as a substitute. Once Farnsworth’s original patent ran out, the computer industry made a nearly overnight switch to 3.5" drives.
Scientists believe that the single largest Native American migration occurred on Interstate 9 on June 21st, 1978.
In Toublouse, France, for three hundred years it was illegal to wear clothes that had horizontal stripes while also wearing clothes that had vertical stripes. This law was overturned following the Great Plaid Uprising of 1949.