The Thread Of Ridiculous Lies And Made Up Facts That Aren't Facts But Kinda Sound True

I’ll start.

Every week an average of 5400 Australians are killed by spiders, jellyfish, sharks, crocodiles, snakes and/or dingoes.

Canadians have over three dozen words for poutine.

Due to a combination of loopholes written in after the Civil War and people not bothering to update old laws, slavery in still technically legal in three US states.

Contrary to common belief, the thickness of rings on trees is not connected to how moist that year was; it depends on the strength of the gravitational pull of the moon on the water in the xylem cells.

Though he is best known for his books, Carl Sagan’s true passion was poetry. However, he was afraid to publish it, fearing the public would dislike his work - in his will, he instructed that his poems be burned after his death, along with his journals.

Bzzzzt. WRONG.

Every week an average of 5400 **tourists ***visiting *Australia are killed by spiders, jellyfish, sharks, crocodiles, snakes and/or dingoes. The other 617 tourists (totalling 6017 deaths per-week) are run over by trams in our pedestrian-only malls.

Albert Einstein was a world caliber skateboarder in his youth. It was his interest in how his tricks worked that brought him to physics.

97.8% of all statistics are made up.

After purchasing a brand new car from the showroom, it will take an average of 7.3 months before the first ding or scratch appears on the paintwork.

However, the second ding will invariably happen within two weeks of the first one.

The check’s in the mail.

I’ll respect you in the morning.

I’m from the government, I’m here to help you.

The best way to remove sweat stains from a white t-shirt is with concentrated grape juice. Unfortunately, there is no known method of removing the resulting juice stain.

Napoleon Bonaparte never rode a horse.

Dogs can detect over 7 billion different scents, however, each one of those belongs to a human being and we don’t smell so good. This leaves the remaining two scents: their food and biscuits.

When baking biscuits, cakes and the like, if you bake them on the highest shelf in the oven, the carbohydrates, sugars and fats accumulate in the centre of the goods due to an as yet unexplained chemical reaction.

So provided you cut out the middle (like a donut) you can eat them with total dietary impunity.

The chemical make-up of a Twinkie[sup]®[/sup] includes measurable amounts of over three-quarters of the naturally-occuring elements of the periodic table.

Because of the tonal nature of the Chinese language, the Chinese did not have any concept of music with lyrics until they made contact with Europeans in the 17th Century.

The average American walks less than 10 miles a year.

I won’t cum in your mouth.

Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.

No winner of a U.S. Presidential election has carried the state of Rhode Island since the election of William Henry Harrison in 1840. The “curse of Rhode Island” is so feared by politicians and professional campaign consultants that modern campaigns resort to running subtly-insulting television and radio ads that are made specifically for the Rhode Island market in order to deter Rhode Island voters from voting for that candidate. (Example: “It’s morning in America again–even in the wretched hovels of Providence! We need to get Rhode Islanders clean and sober, back to work again, and off the welfare rolls and out of the crack houses and brothels! I’m John Kerry, and I approve of this message.” Unfortunately for Kerry, he won the state anyway–and lost the election.)

Sarah McLachlan was convicted of sponsoring dog fighting. Her public service announcements are a result of a plea bargain requiring her to perform 100,000 hours of community service.

John Wesley Powell led 1869 Colorado River Expedition…it is well known that he did it with just one arm. What is not so well known is that he wore a pink dress during the entire trip.

In Shakespeare’s time, the English word for a person who appears in plays was a “nactor”, and plays were divided into a series of “nacts”. During the 18th century, although people continued to use these words in everyday speech (as they still do today), a process of hypercorrection led the written forms to develop into “an actor” and “an act”, respectively.

I’ll call you tomorrow.

I’m not with you just for your money.

Dogs can’t look up.

Dehydrated cat meat tastes like salty bacon with a hint of lime.

When you come out to the coast, let’s get together. (Often said by Hollywood types)

Every fifth lottery ticket that you purchase is a winner.