The Subconscious Knows (funny!)

There are more examples in my lj, but this is far and away the funniest one.

This weekend, when I was in Jerkwater, I found a huge stack of notebooks and old papers from 9th and 10th grade, which I thought were my two in-the-closet-the-deepest years.

I went through some of the old notebooks. You know those catatonic classes from high school? The ones that were required for graduation, and made you wish your teacher actually was a trained monkey because at least that would be kind of cool? I sure do. Before I discovered the thrill of homemade comic books, I scribbled in the margins of my notebooks. I did that whole doodler thing: just let your mind go blank and your hand move wherever it will.

I didn’t draw anything in particular, just lines and shapes. Whatever I was feeling at the moment seemed to manifest itself in those lines and shapes. On some days when I wasn’t feeling well, my doodles would be tight and constricted, when I was tired, my lines would be long and lazy and meandering, when I was hyperactive and bored, they would form spikes and skinny triangles.

I flipped through the notebooks, and while most of the margins were full of random shapes and lines and cartoony faces, one of the biggest recurring themes was

naked women.
Page after page of them! None more than half an inch tall, but with curves, hair, sometimes draping bedsheets, and (of course) sex organs lovingly rendered by a ballpoint pen.

I have no memories of drawing naked women in my notebooks. Hell, I don’t have any memories of drawing any pictures in my notebooks - I just drew lines and shapes, I thought. I couldn’t do anything else but put the notebooks back, shake my head and say “Woah. Weird.”

Bump.

Is this actually funny, or just sad?

I’ll vote for funny. Naked chicks also took up a great deal of my thought process about that time in my life. Unfortunately my drawing skills left much to be desired. My doodled women looked much more like they were drawn by a drunken monkey with a broken Etch-A-Sketch.

That is funny. Were you just in the closet, or did you not really even see yourself as lesbian?

Cos drawing little tiny naked ladies and writing what I want = girfriend (girlfriend in tiny writing), had to be some sort of clue! (I read your lj link, too)

I drew naked ladies consciously - although my decorative doodles did have the look of vaginas about them. Sort of like paisley pattern, but in the shape of a vulva.

I never mentioned ony of this at the time, because I also liked boys, and didn’t realise that “bisexual” was an option. At school, one felt that one had to hide anything less than 100% heterosexual for fear of being labelled “queero” or “lez”.

The subconscious knows, indeed. I enjouyed your little story, Daowajan

All right, I admit it, I drew all those naked women in your notebooks!

Tansu - no idea whatsoever. Didn’t even cross my mind until I was 18!

It’s a little weird, slightly funny, and perhaps somewhat unnerving. If high school doodling = possible source for personal revelation, then I may find out I am a profoundly disturbed individual someday (I mean, more than I am now). Most of my doodles included stick figures (I struggle with basic motor skills, ie not an artist) decapitating one another. Lots of exploding bombs, rockets, and torpedoes too (Freud would have a field day with those). Hmm…

Ha!

I remember reading my journal from, say 7th grade, and mentioning how much I really really liked some of the girls in my class… but of course I loved Heath, my boyfriend.

Quietgirl’s journal has a similar tale. Hee.

Sorry to do this andygirl, but…

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAA!!!

you dated some guy named Heath. snerk.