The Tao of Jean Claude Van Damme

You know his B action movies. You know him as the “muscles from Brussels”. But did you know that he is one of this generation’s greatest thinkers? His philosophy will open your mind to modes of thought you never imagined possible. It is my great honor to present the board with some of his teachings:

" We make movies, we send them by waves, by waves, by radio waves. And under this encoding that is raw, flat, it becomes feeling, and feeling is LOVE, and love is “be aware”

“If you work with a jackhammer during an earthquake, stop, otherwise you are working for nothing.”

“In the year 3,000, people are going to speak with sound waves. Don’t think I’m crazy, the whales do it. Dolphins too.”

“A cookie has no soul, it’s just a cookie. But before it was milk and eggs. And in eggs there’s the potential for life.”

“I am fascinated by air. If you remove the air from the sky, all the birds would fall to the ground. And all the planes, too.”

“Air is beautiful, yet you cannot see it. It’s soft, yet you cannot touch it. Air is a little like my brain.”

Source here

That is fantastic. Move over, Seagal!

Speak with sound waves?

It’ll never catch on.

I dunno, these all seem true, I mean, 3 outa 6 ain’t that bad,
and shit.

“Air is a little like my brain.”

Only a little? Hah.

“If you work with a jackhammer during an earthquake, stop, otherwise you are working for nothing.”

Actually, I really liked this one. It’s something Mitch Hedburg would say. Honestly, all in all I don’t think these are so mock-able.

Also, from that site: "“My wife is not my best sexual partner, but she’s good with the housework.”

Hahahahaa! True 'nuff.


Oh, don’t mind me…

It’s just…the sun…in…my eyes…


Best wishes,

Take your brain, turn it sideways in your cranium, and then try to produce a thought. Then JVD’s words will almost make sense.

  1. Musing that they can take the raw emotion of acting, reduce it to ones and zeroes for digital broadcast, then it gets decoded and evokes a response and then he becomes aware that he loves you.

  2. I think he means sonar and telephathy mixed together, but doesn’t understand either.

  3. Cookies have no souls. They are murdered eggs with milk.

  4. ρ= p/r•t

  5. His brain is soft and you cannot touch it. True dat.

“Don’t tell me your name! I don’t want to know any of your names! We’re only going to be working together for a couple of months!”

no cite - told to me by an actor who had the opportunity to co-star in a VD movie, an experience he described as “unique”.:stuck_out_tongue:

Sorry for spamming this thread, but another great quote from the linked thread:

“We, humans, invented time. But time doesnt exist, because there’s a matter, a power of compression that isnt [sic] the same for every species on Earth”

Do you hear that? That’s the sound of my mind being blown.

S-s-sound waves? Impossible! Ludicrous!!!

Isn’t he just talking about different metabolisms, you know, like dogs are supposed to live 7 years for every one of ours?

Lay off JCVD or he’ll kick you in the nads.

[Homer Simpson] MMmmm - murdered eggs… [/Homer Simpson]

Oh, you’ve turned your brain sideways in your cranium too! See how easy it is to understand JVD this way?

Yes that is exactly what he is referring to. The perception of time is relative. If you ask a fly, it would say humans live for centuries. If you asked a rock, the rock wouldn’t know what you’re talking about because we move so fast rocks can’t see us. It’s true! The murdered eggs told me!

From this I think we must conclude that Jean Claude is an enourmous pot-head.

There’s a film called JCVD, a break-the-fourth-wall type affair with him being a patsy in a bank job. Fascinating, bit mental.