Don’t Tread On Me Shoe Store
There would be a section titled Rewritten History.
As an anchor store: Trigger Sears.
If so, he’s doing it dexterously.
Foundation Fathers Building Repairs
Jackboot in the Box
Jesus Christ (J.C.) Penney
Whiter Shade of Palin hair salon, which features Ron Paul Mitchell hair products.
How about a little kiosk that sells busted spellchecks.
Ah, Funky McSpellinsteins! You know the place!
Long Form Silvers serves only certified, farm-raised American seafood.
A one-stop shop featuring a dental office, attorneys for hire and realtors. I call it ORLY-YARLY!
It’d charge admission to customers, as any fee payable by a business for maintaining the Mall would clearly be un-American and not their concern.
Look for the Knowledge GAP (where Palin genes are 50% off and Bachmann genes are 90% off). Ken & Jerry’s would sell ice-cream with Bob Dole Viagra sprinkles, so every limp dick could have a Boehner. Even the cages in the pet store would be lined with The Washington Times (its less absorbent).
I am opening the Lipstick on a Pitbull Dog Groomers.
I’m opening a tea shop. We have thousands of tea bags!
Build-a-Barry-Workshop.
The kids will have a blast making dolls in the image of Barry “HUSSEIN” Obama. After finishing the doll, a variety of accessories are available to choose to dress up your keepsake - nostril bones, a selection of turbans and saris, and of course the always popular velvet caped pimp attire in an array of colors.
I think a shop selling souvenir Kenyan birth certificates would do well.
Complete with matching Hawaiian certifications of live birth.
And maps, correctly showing that Hawaii is located within Kenya’s borders.
A KFC.
(well, different from normal ones in that they only sell right wings)
A toy store for children’s outdoor fun (like sandboxes and such.)
Palin Shovel
Don’t forget the Hitler moustache.