“Condiment Emily, Condiment not Continent!”
Emily Litella: “Nevermind.”
Condom mints? Why?
Stop right there! I love this - it’s obviously an Agatha Christie murder mystery - how did I not see that? The body of Lord Porterhouse is slumped across the dining table - poisoned. And the third condiment is missing!
j
Ever tasted one? Then you would know, or so I’ve been told.
To accompany these, of course.
Every deli I used to go to always had kosher dills on the table. If not on the table when you were seated, they were brought over asap after seating. Junior’s on Westwood Blvd used to bring a bowl full to the table. They were house made, so they weren’t bottled. One time when it was crazy busy our order took a long time to come, and we must have gone through five bowls of pickles. I think the busboy was flirting with us though.
Neat find - very good. It’s not Agatha, but it’ll do until Agatha comes along…
j
Tajin - One of my daughter’s friends made street corn for us, with Tajin on it. A new favorite thing for me.
At my table, it’s salt, pepper and smoked paprika for dry.
And it’s EVOO, balsamic and garum for wets.
Victorian? The third’s obviously for the cocaine.
They were the best of times…
Bitchin’ Sauce (the chipotle flavor) is the condiment that belongs on the tables of all eateries. It goes well with everything.
The seasoning that should stand between salt and pepper on tables is garlic powder (or salt). Garlic is divine.
Just what was I going to mention, others for third and fourth for me are Worcestershire sauce and this weird but tasty concoction:
Before I read any further I’ll state my choice: Garlic Powder.
When I was a kid the cafeteria at school made all their hamburgers and cold sandwiches with this nasty substance we christened Mustaise. It was some premixed goop which seemed to be about 2/3rds cheap mayo and 1/3rd cheap bright yellow mustard. They applied it liberally to all the bread before assembling the sandwiches backstage.
Given that I despise mustard and always have, this rendered about 2/3rds of their weekly output inedible to me. What was left was pretty much canned green beans and the occasional apple. Shudder.
What about Pepsi Infused Ketchup?
Coming soon- Dr. Pepper infused pepper and Mountain Dew Mustard. 
Take any ordinary condiment. Add sugar. It’ll sell better. Sriracha is mostly sugar syrup with some heat / garlic added. It sells great. Why? Because Americans love sugar more than life itself.
While true, if you’ve had actual Thai sriracha such as Sriraja Panich or Grand Mountain, they’re even sweeter (about 26g total carbs per 100mg for Sriraja Panich vs 16g for Huy Fong.) So this is a case where the original has more sugar than the American counterpart.