No, this isn’t a game thread. They’re making a Thomas Kinkade biopic. Judging by the description, it sounds like a bad movie about a bad artist. I can’t believe it’s not a TV movie or going Straight-To-Video.
My eyes! My eyes!
I notice that the film star’s Peter O’Toole, who is presumably playing the mentor. Hopefully, his character will resemble something out of one of his previous films, namily Caligula. 
If it does, I’ll probably check the film out on video.
I can’t wait for the scene where the aging mentor teaches the young man ritual territory marking through urination. Oh boy!
It’s not going to be in theaters. But if you subscribe, they’ll send you a ten minute clip each month for only $10.00 plus $5.97 shipping and handling. This film may not increase in value, but many similar films like Basquiat and Frida have.
And for an extra $250, they’ll flick some extra white n’ yellow paint on the packaging, so it has that special Kinkade touch…
The pity of it is, a Kinkade biopic could be real camp classic, in the hands of creators with a certain queered sensibility and a way with irony. The squandering of this marvellous opportunity for satire and farce is making baby Jesus cry.
And somebody ought to pass a hat for Peter O’Toole if he needs the money this badly. I’d hate for him to die right after this one and have it be the endcap [or headstone?] to his wonderful career.
They’re going to have a heck of a time with the computer effects, to get the lighting like it is in the paintings. No conceivable arrangement of lamps, real or virtual, could produce Kinkade’s bizarre illumination.
Hey. Anybody who disses Jared Padalecki will have a mean goddess of love to deal with.
But, uh, yeah, the movie doesn’t look all that good.
Is it going to be stop-animated with Fruity Pebbles, a la Peter Gabriel’s *Sledgehammer *video?
Yeah, the first thing I thought when I heard about this is Kinkade peeing on a statue of Winnie the Pooh. If that was in the film, that would be pretty interesting.
Of course, purists such as myself prefer our Kinkadiana on the great stage:
Wholecloth Artistic Endeavors Presents
**COTTAGE CHEESE: THE OPERA** **(authorized excerpts)**
Act I, scene two: TK’s boyhood home. It is here, one dark night during a power outage, that the two great driving forces of young Thomas’ life are suddenly made manifest – the urge to create, and crippling nyctophobia. Witnessing the birth of the artist are Mama Kinkade and Papa Kinkade
MK and PK: Our darling Thomas just goes limp/at dusk why is he such a wimp?
TK: Until the dawn brings the sweet song of the lark/I’m here in the dark/Fearin’ the dark/I’m just a little boy afraid of the dark.
MK and PK: We’d love to blame your youth my dear/But you’ve just entered your twentieth year!
TK: I’m not equipped to handle hours/of Blackness with no candlepower/There is no price I would not pay to/Make the night as bright as day!
MK: What shall I do? My son…
TK: Someday I’ll make my own world and shun/The fallible Consolidated Edison!/Each little room shall be lit with a thousand stars/Or angels stuffed like fireflies in Mason Jars!
PK: I’m searching for a clue! My son…
TK: My art will be to paint pure light/Banishing forever the scary night/Upon my very honor I accept this vow/But how? But how? But how…
MK and PK: Our son…our son…our son our son our son our son our son…
TK: Arson?
Curtain.
*Act II, scene four: Pasadena Art College, 1981. TK exhibits his early paintings as he explains and defends his thesis before the Faculty. *
TK: I have a vision of what great art should be/Please professors gather 'round and listen to me/Art can be a fire bright, casting out the gloom/Like in the darkest forest where a lighthouse looms!
Faculty: You are not persuading this reactionary chorus/What the Hell’s a lighthouse doing in a pine tree forest?
TK: Paintings should be nice and never try to make us think/Challenge preconceptions or make people spill their drink/It’s furniture that’s vertical and shouldn’t cause a brawl/No more controversial than a frame around a wall!
Faculty: The theory you propose presumes that art is just for sheep/An insubstantial puddle we can wade in–
TK: Not too deep!
Faculty: It’s purpose to be passive as it puts us all to sleep/Signifying nothing, saying nothing–
TK: Pas une pipe!
TK: All I need is oodles of the pigment yellow ochre/A friend perhaps at QVC or other TV broker–
Faculty: A public sensibility that loves the mediocre–
TK: Imagine every cottage filled with dogs playing poker!
TK: I have a vision of what all art should be/Whether hanging on museum walls or in some gallery/If the diner in Nighthawks were lit with kerosene/And all the sculpture in the world were Hummel figurines!
Faculty: Your predilection for pure unadulterated kitsch/Won’t win you any friends among us art snobs, bitch!/You’ve made a cottage industry of crap - it makes us itch–
TK: I’ll think of that in Paris when I’m filthy stinkin’ rich!
Faculty: Yes he’ll think of us in Paris when he’s filthy stinkin’ rich!!!
Curtain.
Act III, scene seven: The present, at TK’s early-midsummer vacation home in Paris. TK is joined by wife Nanette and their four daughters: Lucky, Ducky, Plucky and Popular.
TK: I’m Thomas Kinkade and my paintings give a buzz/To those nostalgic for a time and place that never was/An amber-tinted memory or maybe just a dream/The color of a G.E. light bulb filtered through Jim Beam.
All: Tommy’s cheesy cottage paintings glow with Godly fire/Folks like cottage cheese–don’t be resenting the supplier!
TK: I’m the painter of light and among my many crimes/I’ve painted the same bungalow some seven million times/I own a sweat shop in L.A. that makes 'em by the yard/Art is easy if you squeeze your dealers really hard!
All: Squeezing dealers, running sweat shops just so we’ll stay fat/a shakedown artist’s still an artist if it comes to that!
TK: The stupid cottage wasn’t even my idea it/Was copied from a Norman Rockwell paint-by-numbers kit!
All: Tommy’s cheesy cottage paintings glow with Godly fire/Folks like cottage cheese–don’t be resenting the supplier!
TK: This has been a paid announcement for America’s Dairy Farmers.
Finis. Curtain.
Bravo!
::rousing ovation for The King of Soup::
Brilliant, sir!
Sheer genius!
How would you feel about a remake of a current film?
Thomas Kinkade’s: 300
::wipes tears of laughter from eyes::
Bravo! Standing ovation!
Kinkaid was a good artist before his little shops started to sell only greeting card cottage painting. Then he sold out.
But, as an artist, I can tell you that is the goal. Nobody wants to an unappreciated Van Gogh who has to scrabble all his life.
This is so weird. Although I’ve met my share of people who passionately hate him, I can’t picture anyone passionately liking him. Who’s the target audience? Is it comedic?
Anyone with any shred of artistic sensibilities hates him (or at least, hates his work). But there are evidently a lot of people out there without any shred of artistic sensibilities. Presumably, the folks who pay to see this movie will be the same ones who pay to buy his prints.