I am dissatisfied with the moderators.
I am dissatisfied with my job.
Most of all, though, I’m dissatisfied with my sex life.
Which leads me to a proposition:
danceswithcats, if you blow me, and pay me for it, I will vote for new moderators.
I hereby submit Duffy.
I win.
Boyo Jim, you REALLY don’t want to make that kind of offer to danceswithcats – he’ll do it! You know he will!
Great list. These guys would make much better mods than those jackbooted bastards we have to deal with right now.
I would like all nominees to know that my vote can be bought. Cheap.
“Big bucks! Romantic walks! Big bucks! Romantic walks!”
That can be your slogan.
The time has come for no moderators. Look at the tardboard sometime. Obviously some long-term, good-guy, newcomer and wannabe posters have axes to grind. I think we need an anonymous forum here. No holds barred. Pure kumite of snark.
This is not a democracy.
You are not a Citizen of the Straight Dope.
If you do not feel that you are given your money’s worth, vote with your dollar and go somewhere else, please.
Better yet, we should ALL be moderators. If poster A is being an asshat, poster B can give an official warning. Then poster C can move the thread while poster D closes it entirely. Whereupon poster E will reopen the thread simultaneously with poster F banning poster A entirely.
Yes! Yes!
I had a Summer job house shitting once. Turned out there was a typo in the want ad. Boy, was my face red!
That cat is clearly evil.
Or Kryptonian.
Or both.
Probably both. And trying to give you testicle cancer with his X-Ray vision.
Screw elections. I think we should have a gigantic Death Race to determine the victor.
I am really good at Mario Kart, so I assume that I will win this easily.
Don’t be silly. You need Admins to ban.
Oh… er… danceswithcats is a he??!! Well, the price is certainly going up!
Wait, wait - can you choose not to be a moderator?
Yes, he is, and I know for a fact that he doesn’t swing that way, so you’re safe.
No, I’m sorry, but I think you are now the moderator of Comments on Cecil’s Columns. Can’t be helped.
Well, I was dreading the feel of cat tongue on my penis anyway…
I just realized… with comments like this, I ought to be a shoe-in for election to public office.