Well, I’m still alive… but just barely.
Four days of intensive research has left my body, mind, and soul, battered beyond recognition. Actually, it doesn’t feel that bad, I exaggerate. It just sounds better that way. If it’s any consolation, however, I was feeling a bit ill Saturday afternoon.
Let me explain. On Thursday, I proclaimed before one and all here that in the evening, with all of my ‘gung-ho’ attitude and zeal, I would put some kind of closure to this question. So what did I do? I went home and fell asleep on my couch. For obvious reasons, I was deeply disappointed and angry with myself. I knew that kind of answer would only beget the wrath of my fellow posters ticked at my wimpyness, so I laid low and didn’t post. I would redeem myself on Friday night.
And redeem myself I did. With a couple of friends in tow, I visited a liquor store, three different dive-bars, and a high-end bar for that touch of class. I also thought the variety in bars would make for a more unbiased answer. It didn’t.
Every person I talked to that evening, including the follow-up trip on Saturday morning for a little ‘hair of the dog that bit me’ drink, said that the stopper top on the bottle is only decorative- it serves no useful purpose at all. Furthermore, they contended, no one in their right mind would even try to use it as a measuring device. One bartender, at the dive bar, went so far as to say, “Who gives a shit about the top anyway?” Hmmm. He has a point there. “Well I sure don’t!!” I said, pounding back the shot to reassure the bar of my studliness. I did everything in my power not to gag on the stuff. Needless to say, I got out of there before my cell phone could ring and reveal my true socio-economic status. It was a narrow escape.
So, a couple close calls and a hundred or so bucks spent later to feel like crap, and all I end up with is a lame answer- These kinds of fancy tops do not accurately measure drinks. They’re designed to get someone to buy tequila, and not some obscure, secretive means of measuring drinks. And come to think of it, after a shot or two, I could really care less if the top had a useful purpose or not. I became more interested in not making a complete ass of myself in the bar.
All in all, I’m beginning to regret I ever opening this thread. I mean, do you think the next time you could ask me which sexual position is more fun and exciting?