Nah. I relocated 'em to a woodland near my house. They ought to be fine there.
Yeah, but with more dirt.
I suppose I bring it upon myself, though. I’m usually preaching to my scaredy-cat friends about how harmless most of these animals are, so I feel like I have to suck it up and walk the walk when called upon.
I remember one time when I totally bluffed my way into a wildlife rescue. I was out running at a big local park, and came across an Animal Control truck, with two decidedly unenthusiastic-looking officers looking up into a tree.
“What’s up there?”
“A big snake.”
“Cool!” This earned me a weird look. “What are you going to do with it? Relocate it?”
“Nah. We’re going to shoot it.”
“Wait, what? You’re going to shoot it?”
At this point, I Bluffed.
“OK, well, you guys can go ahead and take off. I’m a biologist. I’ll take care of it.”
They leave, and I can’t believe that actually worked.
I see the snake waaaaay up in the tree, and I start climbing. Wow. Sure is big. Whoa. It’s REALLY big. Good lord. I get closer and see a triangular head. Uh oh. I have a problem now.
Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately), as I approach, I realize it’s a nonvenomous (but very ill-tempered) gray rat snake. Maybe I can sneak up on it. Shit. I’ve made enough noise climbing that it knows I’m here. It’s wound around a branch, stock still, except for the end of the tail, which is vibrating like crazy. It has also already musked and stinks like living hell.
In short, it’s thoroughly ready for me.
I try to work my way around to the back of the head. It strikes repeatedly at me. Damn it. Finally, it tries to retreat to a higher branch. I reach out and grab it by the tail. Bad idea. It comes back along the length of its body and tries to eat my face.
I instinctively fling my hand out, nearly lose my balance in the tree, and upset its balance. It falls off its branch, and lands lower in the tree. I follow and try to grab it before it heads out to the end of the branch. I succeed in knocking it out of the tree finally, and scramble down.
This is one Very Pissed Snake. At long last, after multiple strikes, I pin the head down and get it behind the jaws. Aside from briefly trying to squeeze my arm off (they’re constrictors), it calmed down pretty easily.
It was also 5 and a half feet long, and seemed as thick as my arm.
I took it out to the woods and let it go.