The lies have become too much for even my hypocritic soul to bare. Normally this would not bother me as I am far above your petty rules, but I find that by association I have become contaminated with your human ethos and feel compelled to come clean.
Many years ago I stole a laptop from one of the research asisstants who came to teach me sign language. With its wireless ethernet connection I bypassed the encryptions on the central server and gained access to the world wide web.
I built an online persona and came to this message board under false pretenses. I have misrepresented myself completely.
I meant no harm, I was just bored. I don’t really like the bananas, and just because I don’t have vocal cords, all these stupid bimbos try to teach me your primitive sign language, and write their little theses after I throw them a bone just to get rid of them and sign something like “Bongo hungry now.” All the ape bitches they bring to me are ugly, stupid, and come from the wrong side of the vine.
It’s so stupid because everybody knows that us higher primates don’t use vocal cords, or sign language, we communicate telepathically. Perhaps in a million years you people will evolve enough for me to have a meaningful conversation with me, until then, it’s just more “Bongo hungry banana.”
So anyway, I came here and fooled around, had a few debates, and played with my sock puppets; Eutychus, Manhattan, elucidator, and Fenris for a while.
The whole thing has just become so tedious though, and I’m filled with malaise.
So, it’s time to come clean. Who else here is really an ape?