Let me provide how I finally came to understand time dilation. I understand no one here needs this explanation, but it will give you the background for how my confusion continues.
I don’t remember what article or online piece provided this, but here’s how it clicked for me. I’m sure I’m butchering this and using terms poorly, but please indulge me.
Picture a stationary boxcar. In the boxcar sits a man, let’s call him Fred, who has the ability to measure with precision what occurs outside his car.
On a parallel track a train passes traveling at near light speed. It pulls a boxcar with a glass side (so Fred can see into it). In that moving boxcar there’s a fellow (Steve!) who has a device that emits a photon from the floor straight up to the ceiling where it hits a mirror and returns. Ten feet up and ten feet down. That up and down takes a nanosecond (or whatever the right time would be for c).
Steve fires away as he passes Fred’s stationary boxcar. From Steve’s perspective, the photon traveled 20 feet in a nanosecond. From Fred’s perspective, it was NOT straight up and down because the train was moving. Let’s say he witnesses 15 feet up (on a slant) and 15 feet down (also on a slant).
Well, since c is constant in every frame of reference, the photon’s trip up and down must have taken longer than a nanosecond for Fred. Hence, time moved more slowly for Fred than for Steve.
Eureka, I shouted (well, not really). This is how it clicked for me…until it didn’t. Because suppose we switched roles and Fred in the stationary boxcar was the photon shooter-upper and Steve measured it as he sped on by. Would the same effect, only reversed, occur? It would take a nanosecond for Fred, but Steve would measure a greater distance and consequently a longer time occurring for the photons round trip, even though he was traveling at near light speed.
Again, thanks for indulging me, but what am I getting wrong? Obviously they can’t both be experiencing a slower passage of time.