Hello folks, and welkome to the Twisty Springer show. On tonights show we are going to have people who have disturbing confessions to make to their friends Please meet our first guests, Screetch-owl and Coldfire…
Screetch-owl, would you like to take up the story?
(blur stands up and shakes his fist and gets the crowd pumped} Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y
Y’all don’t know me! It ain’t like that! Shut up, you bitch! Come up here, I’m gonna whoop yo’ass!
Ya know, I was told to be here for a ********g ‘special surprise’, and boy did I get it. *********g producer told me you had a secret crush on me and you bring that ******g pig!
Call me a Bitch?! Whup MY ass, now are you?!?! C’mere and ******g try it.
Then again, a pig could be interesting.
[sub]ohmygoddidIjusttypethat!?[/sub]
[sub]ohmygodIhitsubmitinsteadofpreview![/sub]
[sub]thenagain,submitcouldbefun[/sub]
Homer, could you please remove screech owl from the stage
[crowd] Homer! Homer! Homer![/crowd]
Coldfire, I believe you also have a secret confession, you want to make on the Twisty Springer show. who is it about?
Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y
‘S like this, Twisty. I been messin’ round behin’ ol’ screech-owls back with anudda woman. An’ I wanna purpose to her today, on da show.
Can we bring her on out? Her name’s tatertot, and she be real ghetto!
Since Coldfire seems to have gotten coldfeet… I’ll step foreward! I’m not ashamed of it!
It’s like this: I’m straight, dammit! But Coldy’s SO cute! And we were both drunk… And Coldy said “You know, Astroboy, I never knew anyone could be so random and annoyingly pedestrian.” My knees went weak, and I looked at him. He had this steely look in his eye, and a leash in his hand! The llama stepped over in response to Coldy’s tug, and Coldy looked at me with that look he has… you know?
And then the llama dropped to its knees, and suddenly tatertot appeared next to it (and I think you all know how I feel about tater! YOW!!)! And Coldy said, “How would you like to ride the llama, Astroboy?” And tatertot said. “I bet he’d LOVE it!” and… well, all I can say is it was beautiful!!
That was 3 weeks ago, and now Coldy and tatertot won’t return my calls!! SOB!!!
[sup]Astroboy runs for the wings in tears…[/sup]
Ooops! I thought we were talking about another secret…
Nevermind!
Astroboy, welcome to the show! Take a seat. Could you tell me how you feel about the LLama?
Coldy, how many people have seen your Llama?
::tater enters, and for some reason starts clawing and kicking screech owl, even though technically tater is the one who done screech wrong. Security pulls tater off, sits her in a chair. tater indignantly skoooches her seat as far from everybody else possible and glares::
C’mere baby, you my woman.
Coldy and tater swore to me that no one else knew about the llama! And I believed them! SOB!!!
I feel so USED!
The llama won’t return my calls, either, and it had such wonderfully knobbly knees! Our last moment together was when the llama and I looked deeply into each other’s eyes, and it hawked and spit a huge loogie on me. God! It was wonderful! I get shivers thinking about it…
This morning, a different llama showed up at my door… when I answered, it said, “Sssnnnnooorrbbwaaaaa.” Which, I think (I’ve been studying llama since Coldy and tater first introduced me to the wonderful world of ungulates) means: “I hear that you’re easy!”
What could I do? It had its way with me, and then left without even a thank you!
I feel SO dirty!!
What’s next??
SOB!!
Okay, the reason we don’t be returning your phone calls and shit is that we ain’t got no phone since somebody ::glares at Coldy:: spent all the money to pay for Bitch here to get a weave. Who you think you’re fooling Bitch? We all know that ain’t yo’ real hair.
Yeah, and that’s why I came here today, Jerry, to tell that Pig Lover that he’s got to go. Oh yeah, and I also want to tell him that he not my baby’s real daddy.
Bitch, you jus’ jealous cus’ you fat.
And I slept with yo sister, too.
so Tater (If you don’t mind me calling you that) did you have any idea that Coldy was carrying on with Screech, Astroboy, a pig and a Llama behind your back? Would you not notice something like that?
and we’ll be taking questions from the audience soon.
I was too busy to notice, because I was off having me some hot fun with a real man, not some Dike plugging, cheese eating, tulip plantin’ l’il Mama’s boy like him ::points accusingly at Coldy::
Ok, so lets recap the story. Screech owl brought Coldy onto the show to tell him that she didn’t want anything to do with his pig lovin’ ways, and that she ahd found someone new. Coldy, in return, said that he had been foolin’ around himself with Tater. Astroboy informed us that Coldy and Tater got him involved with a Llama, and that ever since then his life has been on a downward spiral. Now tater says that she has something to reveal herself.
Tater, would you like to tell us whats on your mind?
[croud] you go Girl!! Kick him to the Curb!![croud]
[redneck croud] Homer! Homer! Homer![/redneck crowd]
How you gonna ask me what’s on my mind? I think you know what bes on my mind.
:::lot’s of indignant arm & neck motions:::::