And I need your help!!
I need some heckling advice. What’s your best catcall? Your best question? Should I go further than merely complimenting the guests on their mullets? Should I also compliment their ability to speak English, as opposed to their usual clicks and whistles? Should I congratulate them on their having opposable thumbs?
The taping is on Tuesday…
Opposable thumb check.
Poster child for birth control?
I’d love to hear someone use “felch” on that show. It’d make me feel at home.
Tell them “Their mother went to Subway (the sandwich place) and tried to use a metrocard” 
The New Yorkers will get it at least.
I second using the word “Felch” as well.
The Dopers will get it at least 
I’ll oan you my lorgnette and strands of pearls, so you can stand up and bellow, in a Margaret Dumont voice, “Well, really!”
This will work even better if you’re a guy, by the way . . .
I am a guy… a guy desparately in need of the vituperativeness, the ingenuity, the sheer inventive invective of the dopers everywhere…
“If you’re all here, then who’s watchin’ the trailer?”
Just keep chanting “JEEEEERRRRRY JEEEEERRRRRY JEEEEERRRRRY”, and you should blend in fine.
good one, Daowajan
FAT: Oh my God! You’re like a human lard animal! No you’re worse than a lard animal! You’re like some giant, satantic bowl of jello! (puff out cheeks, grab belly and mime shaking motions)
Toothless: Remember Tuffy the Toothbrush says you’ve got to floss Einstein!
Slutty: Yo’ jes a skanky ass HO!!
Oldies but goodies
She oughta dump your no good, lyin’ ass!
You must aspire to being white trash as a step up!
You bitch!
Thought of another one:
You. Sterilization. Now.
Don’t know how well it would work, though, seeing as there’s a polysyllabic word in it.
po-ly-syl-la-bic???
More n’ one syllable.
I thought that was “sybilses”…
I wonder if they’d edit it out of the show if you stood up and said “There can’t possibly be enough inbreeders to keep this show going this long, how much did they pay you?”
Excellent suggestions, all of them. I’d give you gold stars, astro, Daewajan, and Dale The Bold, but I’m hoping that by initially withholding rewards, the challenge will spur you all on to greater heights of verbal put downs – paroxysms of mockery genius.
Only a few days left until the taping – and I’m too dumb to come up with my own material. Dopers, unite behind the banner of derision – I need stuff that will make you all proud. I’m looking for truly Pitworthy stuff.