Working subtitle: “You wanna pay me how much?”
Folks, I don’t bitch about a whole lot. Normally, I keep my temper on an even keel. But this is just too goddamn much. I think I not only have a right to a good, cleansing bitch here, but also to a full explanation (which I’ll never get,) and possibly even the still-pulsing heart ripped fresh from the ribcage of a writhing engineer.
In case any of you don’t know precisely what I mean by the “enmity between scientists and engineers,” in my experience, it can be summed up thusly: contempt. Engineers generally consider scientists to be fuzzy-minded theoreticians, and scientists generally consider engineers to be narrow-minded automatons. OK, so there’s the background.
In case you didn’t pick up on it, I’m a scientist, and this is a job-related rant.
Normally, I wouldn’t even bother with such narrow categories, and just take everyone on their own merits, regardless of philosophy yadda yadda yadda blah blah fucking blah. However, I’m forced to think of my co-workers in terms of scientist and engineer, because those are the classifications we fill by reason of our education, and our employer keeps our status firmly in view all the time.
I work for a state environmental enforcement agency, and in short, if you ain’t an engineer, you ain’t jack shit. I have a master’s degree in something that sounds like a filler word on Star Trek, I’m a published author, and I have years of experience under my belt, yet the salary range for a beginning scientist (because of the peculiarities of state hiring policies, it doesn’t matter if you’re Albert-Monkeyfucking-Einstein, you start at the bottom of the pay scale. Period. There is no consideration for experience) is pathetic. I started out at $10,000 less than the brand new, wet-behind-the-ears engineer fresh from his bachelor’s program.
Needless to say, I was pissed. I spent a godawful number of years in school, and most of the engineers in question don’t even have their PE (Professional Engineer) status. In fact, several have repeatedly failed the goddamn test! I had to pass oral and written comprehensive exams! I had to submit and defend a thesis. What did they have to do? Learn to run a fucking graphing calculator.
Did I mention that I do the exact same thing as they do in my job? Did I also mention that most of the engineers with whom I work would have difficulty drumming up enough intellectual power to be a decent fireplug? Did I mention that there’s literally not ONE GODDAMN THING any of these yahoos do that I can’t do?
Did I mention that it doesn’t seem to matter a tinker’s damn?
There are other issues too. We scientists get the inner offices, while the engineers get the outer, window offices. The engineers get a Department-sponsored appreciation dinner every year. Do we? Nope. We don’t get shit.
To add insult to injury, our Departmental director just approved an across-the-board raise for…scientists? Hell no! That’s right, the White Hats win again, damn them (and the administration) straight to Hell.
Yes, I’m trivializing engineers’ qualifications by generalizing. Please keep in mind that I’m doing it for effect. I’m sure there are plenty of wonderfully qualified, intelligent engineers out there. I just don’t happen to work with any of them, and the Department’s administration seems to think that every engineer must, by definition, be a pwecious widdle flower.
You know, when I took this job, I was desperate for money. Everyone I knew said, “Ooooo! Get a state job! You’ll be set for life!”
If only they fucking knew.