Then there’s the tragic episode where the daughter misses out on her date with the “Big Man On Campus.” Why? Because one of her brother’s clobbered her in the nose with a carelessly thrown football. But, of course there’s more to the story than that. Stay tuned…
ahem…brothers…not “brother’s”…oh, brother:smack:
Finally… the post you’ve waited for all thread long…
The very special one-hour Male character and Female Character wedding!!!*
Wedding band played by Very Special Guest Star Flavor-Of The-Week!! who will be joined by recurring character Rappin Grandma. Wackiness ensues!! (If Grandma is white, wackiness will be upgraded to hilarity)
*Restrictions Apply: Male and Female character must be of the same race, race being defined as “white” or “black”. Sitcom production rule 9066 limits token Asian characters to one per show, obviously not enough for a wedding episode.
Don’t forget the episodes leading up to the finale, in which several of the supporting characters will suddenly get new jobs, die or decide to travel in Europe, leaving with lots of emotion filled hugs and goodbyes. The kids, now adults will get married, and old characters that haven’t appeared for ages will show up for the wedding, along with a good old group flashback sequence showing everybody grow up. Any characters who have spun off into their own series’ will also be there for the wedding.
Our Heroine is witty urbane college educated woman who works in a glamorous upscale media job in the Big City as a … hold the phone… writer. We get to know Our Heroine through her job and the wacky, tacky, slap-happy co-workers she’s surrounded by.
One will be an eccentric talkative female who is her de facto confidante and best friend.
One will be a single male who is – or thinks he is – a successful ladies’ man –
One is a short, wisecracking gay man (or a short, wisecracking suspiciously effeminate man with girly hair) who’s funny and flirty in a heterosexually reassuringly nonthreatening way. If he is gay, he will be prone to dispensing short, witty quips and have no sex life. If he is merely effeminate, he will be prone to dispensing short, witty quips yet be portrayed as a successful ladies’ man.
– there’s a huge male social misfit –
– a funny fat girl (or guy)–
– a token ethnic comedy relief with an unpronounicable name–
– a bitter employee low on the totem pole (janitor, receptionist, package delivery guy, security guard)
Of course, rounding out the crew is a quirky and obnoxiously rich white male boss who’s just full of nutty notions, endearing bigotries like sexual harrassment and hilarious surprises.
Sadly, Our Heroine has no true love! Oh, she’ll date we see once and never again, but it never works out.
He’s engaged to someone else. Or he’s married…! Or he’s secretly gay. Or he’s openly gay and she’s attracted to him anyway. Or he’s too young. Or he’s too old. Or he’s her age but immature. Or he’s her age but too driven in his own (non-media) job. Or he’s an old college flame who keeps coming back but it never works out. Or he’s somebody’s brother in the office.
If a Very Special Guest Star In A Recurring Role appears in a Chance Meeting and tries to win her over, expect Our Heroine to suddenly inch toward matrimony in about four episodes. Her friends are esctatic. She’s in blissful happiness. Wedding plans are made, which introduces her bossy mother and a host of pre-wedding chaos. Hilarty doesn’t just ensue, kids, it bounds and thrives with fat happy babies!
BUT –
In a totally unexpected and unseen twist, Our Heroine discovers that she secretly pines for some guy in her office that she usually ignores/insults/flirts/buddies up with, but in a nonsexual and sensitive way. As she wrestles with her feelings, our office guy confronts her alone on her wedding day and confesses that she can’t marry the Very Special Guest Star In A Recurring Role – he loves her, too!
They kiss. It’s good. The short gay guy is totally jealous. Oh, what 'orrible agony!
Oh, oh, oh, what will happen now?
TO BE CONTINUED… NEXT SEASON…
Wait, Askia! Are you saying there was more than one Suddenly Susan?
The horror… the horror…
oh oh oh, and then, THEN, heee heee heee, oh this will be GOOD
for the FINAL show when all the good writers have QUIT there will be this TRIAL, with a JURY, to determine if Dad or the teenage kids or humanity or whatever is WORTHY of existing. Is that good or WHAT?
Rather than write any new material, there are bits of scenes from the WACKY HiLarIOuS episodes from all the past years, because there is still one video editor on contract!
The show was funny and poignant the first time, and even WACKIER and FUNNIER now!! The whole HiLarIOuS (did I mention that already?) cast is forgiven, SORT OF (hahahahaha), and everyone learns a poignant (did I mention it was poignant?) lesson about life. Oh my thigh is sore, I slapped it so much!
boing bwah boing
Uh Oh! The plumbing’s sprung a leak and dad’s too cheap to call the plumber. Don’t worry. He knows how to fix it…he thinks!
Kantalooppi I was thinking of Suddenly Susan, Just Shoot Me, The Naked Truth, NewsRadio and Spin City when I wrote that.
Hey! What about the one where the Wacky Sitcom Teenagers are furtively experimenting with – ooo! — Marijuana – and Their Parents totally find out about it and come down, like, REALLY hard on them, only (hee hee hee!) The Parents end up smoking some weed themselves and getting all buzzed and incoherent and getting mega-munchies and hiding that fact to their kids? Oooo, those naughty hypocrites!
Unless The Parents ACCIDENTALLY eat the weed in “special” brownies the Teenagers made. Then we get the hilarity without the hypocrisy. Either way, Comedy Platinum!
Most of these could be taken verbatim from Home Improvement episode descriptions, sadly.
Anyway, on the next episode:
It’s a hypothetical episode, as we imagine what the show would be like if it took place in space, on an early 20th Century steamship, or an homage to a cast member’s earlier classic show. If the last option is employed, the cast member will play another role, and will have vague feelings of deja vu as they witness the activities. Hilarity, as always, will ensue.
Be sure to watch for the poorly-written promo that will attempt to capitalize on the star’s new blockbuster film through the use of “clever” puns about the film.
(OK, the last one actually comes from Alias, so it isn’t a sitcom cliche.)
Hey Askia, you left out the zany redhead female co-worker!
Yes, Askia, but it seemed most exactly describe Suddenly Susan.
What about the episode that takes place … get ready, this is Really Creative Expression here, almost Rod Serling stuff … in a whole 'nuther century?
Not just The Seventies Flashback (where Dad’s a hilarious hippie), but the amazing revelation that a family from the 1700’s had the same dynamic, the same problems, and indeed look-alike cast members?
And if the characters work together in a TV station now, then they all worked together publishing broadsides in an Identical-To-Colonial-Williamsburg town.
No matter what the time frame… Hilarity, Wackiness, Bad Puns, and Lessons Learned still ensue.
[ Hope no one minds. I just happened to run across an old printout of this thread (am I the only one to print out Dope and pretend to be looking at Very Serious Printouts during boring meetings?). Well, after stifling a lot of laughter (am I the only one to pretend to be stifling a sneeze while looking at Very Serious Printouts during boring meetings?), I decided it had to be resurrected. ]
Do check out Terrifel’s post on page 2: “You know, I never thought about it, but we’ve had some crazy times here on the old “Ultimate Sitcom” thread…”
What a great thread? Why didn’t I see this the first time around? (Glances at “Registered:” date) Oh yea …
Well, I say you package up this entire thread and send it straight to ABC (CBS, FOX, whatever) and demand they make this new sitcome Right Away!!
>>… demand they make this new [sitcom] Right Away!!
Yeah, and finally get it right! With a bumbling-but-good-hearted dad AND a sharp-but-good-hearted wife AND precocious kids AND Special Guest Stars… and a Very Special Episode!
And hilarity.
Of the ensuing variety.
“What would you say to a beer, Norm?”
“Hello, sailor!”
Somewhere along the way, of course, a trained monkey will have to be added. When a character is suddenly confronted with said monkey for the first time, he will stand and stare at it in slack-jawed amazement, as though witnessing a burning bush.
Hilarity (eventually) ensues.
Don’t forget those special episodes where former cast members from the stars’ older and more highly regarded shows/movies/whatever pay a visit. They either show up in a similar relationship to the new character that they had to the old, an ex lover, or a “Have we met?” kind of thing. Hilarity may or may not ensue, but the audience will pretend it does anyway.
Of course, there were a few casting groundrules that we missed the first time 'round. And we all know that you have to have a solid casting groundwork, or your show won’t last to see its first clilp show.
First off, we have to decide, right here and now, that fat people are funny. They are not allowed to have complex emotions beyond depression over their obesity, and even that depression is only allowed to manifest at most once a year, generally during a Very Special Episode. Every other time we see them, they must be wacky, or possibly zany. Any attempt at seriousness from the overweight will be met with a swift death, followed by a Very Special Episode in which all the characters remember the zany antics of their dead fat friend.
Second casting groundrule is that whoever is cast for the secretary (and every office job, no matter how entry-lever, has a secretary) must have the capacity for sass. Generally, we want to cast someone here who can play both sassy and capable, but if that can’t be found, we will settle for just sassiness.
If the main character of the show is female, the actor cast to play the boss must possess the kind of rugged good looks that we can capitalize on in order to make him into the love interest, should our ratings lag. If our ratings leave nothing to be desired, we will just have him bed a different beautiful woman every week.
I think this last thing is left in every sitcom’s writers’ room, hanging in a red case with a sign saying “In Case of Plot Emergency, Break Glass and Read Script.” Essentially, the idea is that one of the characters on the show has a heretofore unmentioned pen pal , to whom the character has been lying, who comes to visit. The beauty of this idea lies in its simple yet elegant versatility. Any character on the show could have said penpal, from the star on down to the most underused extra, and the lie could be anything, though the preferable plot is that the pen pal has been sent a picture of another cast member and is under the impression that the person he or she is coming to visit is vastly more attractive than our character thinks he or she is.
Wacky Neighbor (or Main Character)'s cousin visits for an episode or two. Amazingly, this cousin is identical to the usual character (and is in fact played by the same actor)! However although they look alike, the personalities will be completely opposite! Lots of fun while actor gets to show off their ability to play more than one type of character!