The Urinal Theory of Parking

In My Humble Opinion
21

I use a system of Defensive Parking. One of the rules is, if there are a few spaces left, you can cut down the odds of your car getting dinged by parking next to a parked car. There’s a chance that car will still be there when you leave, so nobody has dinged that side of your car.

There are more important parts, though.

If possible, park in the Heart Healthy section; way past any parked cars.

If there are shopping carts, grab the one nearest your car and move it up near the store. Neither the wind, nor another car can push that cart into your car.

If you can park at the end of a row, only one side of your car is vulnerable to dings. If you squeeze to the dead side of the space, you might be more than a door’s length from the next car. :slight_smile:

Never park next to a beat-up car. That owner doesn’t care about his car, or yours either.

If you’re expecting rain, don’t park right over a drain. You might return to find shin deep water. Unlikely, yes, but it happened to me the night I went to the first Star Wars movie. :eek: I couldn’t wait it out,either. The water was up to the bottom of the door already.

22

Wow, that’s fascinating! You’ve actually thought this out. And it’s why I posted this post. Perhaps there’s some rationale for why this happens. I wonder if many other people subscribe to your school of parking.

Anyone else do this?

23

If a stranger really sat right next to you in an entirely empty theater I would suspect they were looking to forge something a little bit different with you…

24

Great info, thanks! And St. Urho, you’re truly a gift to your community. I know it sounds sappy. But I never thought about exactly what that job meant to the world until I depended on it.

25

Thanks, fetus. It’s nice to hear that every once in a while.

26

My best bud and I got really. REALLY. Fucking tired of a Selfish Asshole doing this in his apartment complex – and the manager was never anywhere to be found, so there was very little recourse.

He tried leaving notes, other tenants tried leaving notes or confronting Mr. Asshole, and it never did any good. Selfish Asshole kept on parking across two/three spots with his shiny car (depending on his mood, apparently) and denying other tenants the opportunity to park.

So we took matters into our own hands. My bud very carefully parked his beat-to-shit car juuuust on his side of the line in front of Mr. Asshole’s shiny car, and I very carefully parked my beat-to-shit car juuuuust on my side of the line behind Mr. Asshole’s shiny car, and both of us sat there on the grass in lawn chairs with a six pack laughing at Selfish Asshole as he ended up being unable to go to work (or out on a date, that night, judging from his attire and level of pissed-off-edness).

For two days running.

And then Mr. Asshole stopped parking across several spaces, and instead parked in one space, as polite, responsible people do, and suddenly everything was nice and peaceful again.

And my buddy got a thank-you basket from the nice lady next door, who had seen the whole thing. :smiley:

27

If it is early or late in the day, and you have a BIG SUV or van or best, an RV, I will likely park in your shade to keep the dogs in my car cool. Thanks for staying in the store until we are done!

(And no, I don’t count on this shade. I know how fast a dog can fry, but I like the extra security and comfort for them!)

28

Vigilante justice at it’s best, without really having to break any rules. Perfect!

29

Sofuspud–just to be clear. I was suggesting this technique
in large parking lots
with abundant spaces
when parking far away from the prime locations
to avoid having someone choose a spot next to me
when there are other more convenient spots that they could choose instead.
It was done to address the annoying habit some drivers have of choosing to park next to an isolated car rather than observing “urinal etiquette.” We are talking rows and rows away from any other vehicles currently parked or anticipated during my parking time. (An alternative is to leave a cardboard box in the space next to the car–but it’s so much more bother.)

I would never use (or suggest) such techniques in an apartment parking lot or one where there are few spaces or when the lot has any chance of beginning to approach the commencement of possibly even starting to get full. The situation you describe is far different from the one in the OP. And I’d have enjoyed watching with you.

30

I dun get it. I understand why someone would want to park away from people. For such situations, they’ve got the places that are far away from people that only get used on accident or at Christmas.
Honestly, I’m a little bit of a dick. I try to find the car that’s out there. Then I park next to it.

ALL YOUR TROUBLE IS FOR NAUGHT! TREMBLE BEFORE MY ASSHOLERY!TREEEEEEMMMMMBLLLLLEEEEE!

31

So which is it, are you a dick or an asshole? Better make up your mind, or you’re going to have some real sexual compatibility issues.

32

Unless I turn into an indiscriminate fucker…

33

I love happy endings.

Fetchund, I have a tiny little car, so that’s not the reason for my car, at least.

You know, at first I thought that this was the reason since I couldn’t come up with anything else. Pack mentality seemed a little lame at first. But when I looked over at the faces of the drivers, they always looked so clueless or they gave me a really weak smile. One would think that if they were trying to be jerks, they’d gloat when I looked over at them. In a couple cases, when they pulled in right next to me, I’d pull back out and park somewhere else and then stare at them when I got in the establishment. They showed no evidence that they had any idea what happened.

You’re in the wrong thread for that. There’s some of that going on in the Pit and another thread in IMHO. This one is the parking thread.

34

I like to use the park poorly method, I try to park within the lines but at a angle. This discourages other people from parking, and if they do they tend to move towards the far side of their slot.

I will try to park next to a car which has the passenger doors facing my car, in situations where most cars only have the driver.

End spots work if there is a physical barrier, if not it’s too easy for someone to clip you trying to make a turn.

35

While I don’t necessarily agree with your logic, I can intellectually understand it. I’ll still get pissed at your car (and you, by extension :slight_smile: ) if I happen to see that, regardless of how far out in the parking lot it is, but that’s mostly a reflex reaction because I’m so DAMNED tired of people either not knowing how to park their horseless carriage or not giving a damn about other people – which, to me, parking across multiple spots implies.

I’m not going to DO anything about it – though I’ve fantasized quite a bit about buying a bunch of those stickers that they use to tell whether or not you’ve opened your computer case, the ones that peel paint rather than come off, and having them printed at huge sizes with the words “I’M A SELFISH PRICK” so that I can just slap them on the hood of someone’s car and walk away, secure in the knowledge that they’ll regret having parked in such a stupid fashion.

BUT! That would be damaging other people’s property, and as much as I’d love to, I just can’t justify it. Besides, they’d probably think it was random vandalism rather than a comment on their parking skills. And then there’s the fingerprints issue, and the stickers can probably be traced via the printing agency, and so on. sigh

Anyway. :slight_smile:

So, yeah, I’m not going to agree with your logic, but I can see where you’re coming from. I just think it’s better to use the space as intended, rather than announce to everyone around that you think the rules don’t apply to you. :slight_smile:

(Even in an empty lot, that’s the message it sends.)

Heh. Well, for what it’s worth, I appreciate that you’ve thought about it some and that there’s rules you follow. And yes, the situation is different – it just seemed appropriate with the way the thread was going.

And it was FUN. I got to indulge my own personal asshole (who’d like to say ‘fuck it’ to the rules and park across three handicap spots AND the fire lane at the same time!) and STILL accomplish something good.

36

Well played. golf clap

37

There ARE tailpipes involved, no?

38

Arsenio Hall fist pump Gracias, senor.

39

Or to let everyone know that you don’t know how to park. . . .because that’s what I think when I see people taking too many spaces–their parking skills were inadequate.

So is that why you’re parked so close to me. . . so you can do that to my car’s tailpipe when I run into the post office to get my mail? Kinky! Whoda thunk? :stuck_out_tongue:

40

And you THINK it’s a banana shoved in your tailpipe…
rowr!