The Urinal Theory of Parking

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve been living here for six years and in that time, there’s something I don’t understand. Why do people want to park right next to me regardless of where I park?

I subscribe to the urinal theory of parking. The urinal theory is outlined in Dave Barry’s book on guys. It goes like this. You alway leave at least one urinal space between you and the next guy that comes in. Well, I’m not a guy, so I don’t know anything about the practice of this theory in real life.

But as it pertains to parking, I think the same should apply. As long as the parking spaces are equidistant to the door of the building, people should leave a space between cars if possible.

When I lived in Silicon Valley, it seemed that people subscribed to this. But for some reason, the people where I now live, like to park in the space right next to the car that just came in.

When I go to the post office, there are two parking lots. I park in the farthest parking lot away from the door with 4 spaces on one side of me and 5 spaces on the other side on the side farthest away from the door. And when I come out, there’s almost always someone parked right next to me despite there being about 20 spaces that were closer to the door. And it doesn’t just happen at the post office. It happens in every parking lot around here.

Why do people do this? If you’re one of them, could you explain it to me please?

2

Are you Angelina Jolie? That would explain it.

3

Your car is magnetic. :slight_smile:

4

I always look for the last space in the row and park closest to the curb as possible, in order to minimize people swinging their doors open and causing a ding on the side. I’m more sensitive to this right now because I just bought a car and want to keep up it’s resale value.

You may want to try this method. It’s worked for me so far.

5

This would only count for people parking to the right of your car, but maybe they noticed what a great job you did of positioning your car in the middle of the space. They’d rather have someone like you next to them as opposed to some jackass who doesn’t comprehend what the little lines on the asphalt are for and will sloppily park in such a way that leaves them no room to open their driver’s-side door.

6

If your car looks showroom new and has no door dents, that’s the best one to park next to. If somebody can park between two such cars, they’ve all but eliminated the chance that some old jalopy will park next to them and bang up their doors.

7

Perhaps parking next to a car, which is eye level to the driver, is easier then parking next to empty spaces where the only clues to how your parked are hard to see once you get close?

8

Like the last poster said, I personally find it easier to judge if I am within the parking lines if I have another car for reference. Otherwise, I have to sit up and lean forward in my seat on the off chance I can see the lines in front of me over the huge hood of my car.

9

I like to park rows away from others. Empty rows away. I attribute it to group think and pack menatlity, like on the highway when 8 cars group together without another car in sight a mile ahead and a mile in back of you.

I wonder if any studies have been done to see what personalities tend to group up like this on the road, parking lots, etc… I’m thinking in terms of introverts and extroverts.

10

People always seem to do this at work. I just don’t get it- it’s 2 or 3 AM at the grocery store and you have to park 6 inches away from the ambulance? It’s not like we park super close to the door, either.

11

Worked for me too until some little shit rolled a shopping trolley off the curb into the side of my car. :mad:

12

The Dave Barry urinal theory (also espoused by the creator of that New Zealand killer sysadmin character–why can’t I remember the name? The writer’s first name is Simon and he’s a pleasant guy despite all of his (tongue-in-cheek) uber-manly posturing.) is practiced universally at actual urinals. Me, I don’t give a flying fuck where the other guys are pising, as long as it’s not on me. That’s why, when I can, I pick a urinal such that the next guy who comes in has to make the apparently uncomfortable decision between standing next to me and going at the kids’ urinal.

They always choose the kids’ urinal. Always. I think it’s hilarious.

BTW, I’m one of those people who parks next to another car–but that’s because the car I’m driving right now is longer and wider than my last car and I’m still getting used to it. Parking next to another car helps me figure out exactly where I am in my parking space; I can compare the location of my front bumper to the next guy’s to see how far I need to pull forward, etc.

Sorry. It’s the only way I can park without pulling back out, realigning and going back in 4 times.

As for other people, here’s a theory: particularly paranoid parkers of the female persuasion may find an added degree of safety in parking next to another car. Maybe they figure that even if it’s dark, an attacker is less likely to strike them/their car if it’s around cars owned by other people, who might notice. I just pulled that out of my “hat”, though, so take it for what it’s worth.

There’s an ambulance that just chills right outside the door of your grocery store? What, do you guys have trouble controlling the lobsters? Do Mad Cow outbreaks level your customers at unpredictable times, right there in the store?

13

I follow this practice when I can. The best car to park next to is a high-end late-model car in good shape.

The worst is a dented minivan full of kids’ toys and refuse partially blocking the windows.

If someone’s vehicle looks like crap, they have little incentive to care about whether they throw open their doors and hit your car, or sideswipe it on the way out of the space.

If the lot’s nearly empty though, it makes no sense to me to park right next to one of the few cars in it, other than reflecting a mindless herd instinct. “Oooh, that must be the best place to park! Maybe I’ll have a better chance to win a prize!”

14

Maybe it’s for the same reason people sit right beside me in an empty movie theatre - people are not comfortable forging their own paths. They just like to do what everyone else is doing.

15

Not to be presumptive but I live in one of those planned neighborhoods. At the entrance to the neighborhood there is a shopping center with all the necessities; supermarket, vid store, bank, gas station, etc. That’s where the ambulance always parks; I assume it makes getting any where in the neighborhood simple.

As to the OP, I have no idea why people do it, but it drives me crazy as well. I like to park well away from traffic like ParentalAdvisory.

16

We work 12-hour shifts and do status posting. That means that we adjust where the ambulances are based on how many are available. (1- middle of the zone, 2- one southeast, one northwest, etc.). This also means that we’re in the ambulance for 12 hours at a stretch- no stations or recliners or big screens like the fire department. I work nights, so I’ve got some good hiding spots for the ambulance because usually the only people that approach the ambulance after dark are drunk. However, if I have to pee, I have to go to the grocery store, or the 7-11, or something.

St. Urho
Paramedic

17

I also like to park far away and be left alone. I discovered if I park rows and rows away and park “poorly” I get left alone. Poorly includes parking at the wrong angle or right over one of the painted lines instead of in the space. I know it looks strange–but it does keep people from parking near me.

18

I think you nailed it. There are a lot more sheep out there than us lone wolves, and they just naturally like to herd up.

Hey, as_u_wish, that’s a great idea, think I’ll adopt it. Maybe even park sideways and take up three spaces. :smiley:

19

Boyo Jim, if I was Angelina Jolie, I’d make my assistant do my errands. Unfortunately, I’m very far from being her. As far as the drivers of the cars parking next to me, I’ve had it happen when I’m still in the car many times. And there is no gender or age difference. When I’m in the car, I always look over at them, with the “What the &*&^%$% is your problem?” look on my face. They generally just look back and smile weakly.
**
Sunspace**, I did actually think about the magnetic theory. My car was magnetic enough that someone hit my fender with a trailer hitch from the back of their truck. But not magnetic enough that they stayed around to pay for the damages. I wasn’t in the car when it happened. I was in the post office for 10 minutes. When I got out, some guy comes up to tell me he saw the whole thing and thought the person who did it was going to stop but they didn’t. He even pointed them out to me, but by the time I got my wits about me, they took off.
**
deanc2000**, I’ve tried the curb trick too. Didn’t work for me because now I’m up against the curb and the shopping carts and they still hedge me in on the other side. Thanks, though.

Snooooopy, hmm. . . I never thought that I might be penalized for parking well. But it bugs me when people park poorly, so it seems I can’t win on that one.

Patty O’Furniture, my car is a mess, but it doesn’t have door dents. Only the fender puncture mentioned above when someone backed into my fender.

Fern Forest and Captain_C, I never thought of that before. It didnt’ occur to me that people are using my car as a reference point. Interesting thought. Thanks.

ParentalAdvisory and featherlou, I think you nailed it also. But I wanted to come on here and either confirm or debunk my suspicion. In my mind, pack mentality is still the leading explanation.

St. Urho, I sure don’t get it either.

jjimm, yup and shopping carts in parking spaces are pet peeve #2 for me around here.

fetus, I would think it’s less safe to park next to someone else. Then the potential assailant has two cars to hide behind/under. And my car doesn’t keep them safe. It would make more sense if they got close to me, not my car.
**
Stuffy**, I’m glad I’m not the only one getting upset over this minor annoyance.

as_u_wish and KlondikeGeoff, yack! People parking badly is another annoyance!

20

Oh, it’s real enough alright. Very extremely real.