Many years ago I was doing photography of iron workers and became friendly enough with them to chat about this and that.
One day one of them (not the brightest bulb on the tree) proudly announced he’d decided on a present for his wife’s birthday: He was going to buy her a roast beef to cook!
Even his mates were aghast. As for me, “What?” I blurted, “why would you do that?”
“But I like roast beef!”
His mates and I tried to explain why that was a Very. Bad. Idea. I’m not sure if he ever got it.
There were a lot of old jokes about men buying their wives vacuum cleaners and getting black eyes as a result.
Many years ago I saw a print ad for a Mother’s Day gift: “Get your mother a treadmill!” Seriously.
Put it next to the oven so she can cook a roast beef while she’s running! There, that’s the current dumbest.
Hey, woman here. I like roast beef.
I also like the odd ball gift.
The best gift I ever got was a ratty old t-shirt that I coveted.
Love that blue shirt. Still.
My ex gave me a toaster for Christmas one year. He had good intentions, but I was not impressed.
I truly don’t know if this is weird or not, so I’d like some input.
I know a guy who bought his girlfriend a potted cactus.
Weird, or ok?
mmm
Depends on whether she likes potted plants, especially cacti.
She absolutely did not like it, thought it was…thoughtless.
mmm
More to the point: If you’re dating someone, the onus is on you to get to know them well enough to know whether they like potted plants. If they do, it’s a fine gift. If not, it isn’t.
The Lil’wrekker likes purses. The fancier, and obviously named branded the better.
It took the Hamza a bit to catch on. He stumbled and really couldn’t afford the better ones.
The really nice Fendi he got her, has carried him through a few years.
Soon it will become apparent she really really likes nice jewelry. I have sympathy for him.
That’s really bad.
My favorite Utterly Dumbest was a gift my stepmother gave me a few years ago. It was several little devices you could attach to your cell phone or your keys or other frequently-misplaced items so you could use your cell phone signal to locate where the misplaced item was.
I don’t have cell phone service where I live. Never have in 20 years.
A friend of mine sure appreciated having them, though!
Wait, what? Use your cell phone to locate your cell phone?
No, you used another device that would jump on your wireless cell signal to locate your cell phone. Or maybe it didn’t work with your cell phone but worked with other easily misplaced items.
Honestly, I don’t recall and didn’t pay much attention once I saw it required a cell phone signal.
Do you not get internet service wirelessly?
Even I can get that and I live in the back of nowhere.
So cel service, though not perfect does work.
Not fast enough to work with a cell phone, according to my ISP at that time. It works ok for internet. Not fast enough to stream.
Well, it might now as they’ve upgraded in the past few years. But it still comes with data caps. I gave away the locators when it became clear they wouldn’t work with the setup I had at the time.
Updated:
I received a small basket with a block of florist’s foam into which had been set plastic poinsettia bracts, holly leaves with red berries, and mini Christmas ornaments. Someone who knew I was Jewish had a poor concept of what that meant in relation to Christmas decor.
I bought my wife a Roomba once thinking that counted as giving the gift of less vacuuming.
Nope, apparently that still counted as the cliched horrible gift of getting your wife a vacuum cleaner.
ETA: For the record, I also vacuum. (Well its more swiffering around here really)
Data caps are gone. Whatever you’re willing to pay for you can get.
We pay the mid-level Hughes net service for Internet.
We don’t stream. For a few bucks more we could, but I find no reason, after adding it all up.
I went what I thought was an extremely long time before even having any service out here. Need made me bite the bullet.
It bumped up the cel signal, big-time.
My son just hooked up to Starlink. He says it is just wonderful.