The WB is gonna make me move

I had a happy life here. A nice job, a nice house, a nice neighborhood. Most of all, a good city. It’s tough to find a good city. It has to meet a bunch of difficult requirements: interesting, quirky, diverse, sophisiticated and yet not cynical, non-judgemental, and fun.

Once you find a city like that, you stay there, you contribute what you can to its odd atmosphere, and you soak it all in. Until, that dreaded day comes when it all crashes down around you. The day the life gets sucked out, pasteurized, repackaged, and sold to the rest of the country.

The day they make a TV show about it.

Behold the horror that is Greetings from Tucson.

All I can hope for is a quick, painful death for this series. The alternative is too awful to contemplate.

Has this happened to your hometown? How did you survive? How do people from Providence cope? Any advice? Or should I just leave now, before the fall season begins?

Well, that new “Sorority Life” - or-something show on MTV was filmed here in Davis. I’m adopting sort of a “if I ignore it it will just go away” attitude. I was avoiding campus and downtown during the filming a few months ago, so I never once saw the cameras.

My sister, who was in a sorority at UC Davis this past year, told me that all members of other sororities were prohibited from participating with the show.

My actual hometown is too small to merit a series, but the closest city of note, Cleveland, is of course the setting for the “Drew Carey Show.” It’s actually a frighteningly accurate depiction of your average Parma resident.

Oh dear god. Thankfully, I moved away 6 years ago. I will probably watch it a few times to see what I recognise. After 25 years I know the damn place well enough.