Back in the day, my friend, a little crazy mind you, decided to jump off the back of a Colt that was travelling at about 30 mph solely because he wanted a way to release his built up energy so he would be somewhat normal for his date for the Prom. His theory was that if he did something that crazy, he wouldn’t feel the need to be destructive? disruptive? the following night.
—note: He sent her flowers the Friday before the Prom. He spent about $400 on the whole night and she turned out to be quite a bitch and didn’t even grace him with a kiss at the end of the night. So was it worth it?..
Canoe trip. Cute girl. Seems marginally interested in me. She’s one of the real gung-ho canoe freaks. When I get in the canoe with her, I start paddling as hard as I can. I pull my shoulder muscle so hard I can’t sleep for half the night, and I’m falling all over the portages the next day. (Way to impress chicks, Dao.)
Yeah, I know. It was really lame. But I figure, if that’s the dumbest thing I ever do to get a girl’s attention, I’m one hell of a dignified person.
(Bah. Misread the thread title. Ah well, it’s amusing anyway.)
…so I stole the the riding lawnmower to visit my GF. The distance from Villa Rica Georgia to Carrollton is about 16 miles, and at 4 MPH I thought I could do it. Got pulled over by the cops about 1 mile away from the house and got grounded another month.
The cops in my hometown still talk about that day, so I guess I’m kind of a legend there.
This probably more in the name of lust than love but here it goes.
A long time ago when I was just a rookie to the whole bar scene I had just turned 21. So my friends and I decide togo to a toppless bar.(already I’m in trouble.) When I get there I hook up with a female money sucking version of a Hoover vaccum cleaner. I thought at the time “this chick really digs me” Oh man, if only older me could go back in time to meet younger me I would tell him “of course she likes you; You f’n idiot you keep stickn’ 5 dollar bills down her G-string!” which btw as far as physical looks go, this chick was waaaay out of my league. That should have gave it away right there. Anyhow we get to talking and I of course ask her out. This is how the conversation went after that. (this is very painfull)
ME: “So you want to get together sometime?”
HER: " Oh yeah I would love togo out with you but you have to do some thing for me before I will.
ME: <getting timmid> " S s sure you name it"
HER: “Well, I think it would be really romantic if you went out and got me some roses and brought them back to me.”
ME: “y you mean here? in the stripclub?”
HER: “Hey if you’re too embarrassed…”
ME: “NO NO! I’ll do it”<thinking shit shit shit!>
So I go out and get the damn roses and come back to the club. The guy at the door sees me with the roses, doing his best to contain himself from breakining out into complete laughter asks “You got your ID sir?” <sigh> “here” I show him the f’n ID. So now I’m in the club walking around like a gah damned moron trying to find this girl. Ah at last I finaly find her, Shes up on one of the side stages sticking her tits in some guys face. Meanwhile I’m just standing there waiting patiently for her to finish so I can give her the damned roses. While I’m standing ther I can see guys out of the corner of my eye pointing and laughing at me. At this point I just want to crawl into a corner and die. So I finally get my turn up at the stage I proudly and sheepishly hand her the roses thinking the rewards for this should pay off tenfold. (eh,eh)
This is her response when I handed her the roses:
“HA HA HA HA OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY DID IT. I COULD NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU. YOU HAVE NO SPINE”
Hey Shakes, thank you for sharing, it sounds like that was one hell of a rough night. You do have to admit, I hope, that that was in the name of lust, not love. If it makes you feel any better, I think that Mr. Johnson was doing the thinking for you that night.
I can’t think of any of my own stories but I was very amused to hear a story about my ex-girlfriend. She stopped eating red meat a couple years ago (still eats chicken and fish but refers to herself as “vegetarian”) and prides herself on giving it up. This summer her boyfriend of a year told her it would turn him on to see her eat a hamburger because he’d never seen it. Despite her moral stance on the issue she forced her way through a burger just for him. I don’t know whether she regrets it or not but she felt very sick the day after.
Ah, late college. Went on a hike with two guys, both outdoorsy athletes, me hopelessly hooked on one of them. We’re hiking down a ravine to the waterfall and then back up. Coming up, the wall of the ravine is nearly straight up, and they both have really long legs. I’m determined to keep up and impress him with what a great outdoorsy athlete I am (I’m not). My chest is heaving, I’m getting lightheaded, but I will NOT admit to being tired at all…
Cut to FisherQueen, suddenly puking onto the trail…
Our campus newspaper has free classifieds. Normally they are humerous phrases, or inside jokes between people. So I just decided out of the blue to submit something the to the paper. My GF had self-esteem problems and wouldn’t admit to being beautiful or wonderful (even though she was.) Oddly, it was specifically THOSE words. She admitted to being pretty, or great, but not beautiful or wonderful, so I sent the following to the paper:
“You’re beautiful and wonderful and I love you.”
They ran it, she read it with me sitting next to her, and started to cry (it was the first time I ever said I loved her.) Then I felt bad for making her cry (even though it was a happy cry,) so she cried some more. (She was very emotional)
Well, that’s my sappy story.
Hard to pick out the one weirdest thing, pretty much every single thing I have ever done for love was weird. Oh, I laugh now, but tomorrow morning, I’ll be at it again.
I have zero athletic ability. Negative athletic ability. There was this girl that worked at the same company I did that I wanted to meet. She was on the company softball team, so I joined. Turns out she went through Stanford on a softball scholarship and was damn good. And I sucked worse than I can describe. Once I ran from second to third and kept going into the dugout. Once I was in the bleachers and a ball came over the fence and it took me three attempts to throw it back over the fence into the field.
Anyway despite my complete self-humiliation, we actually got together and have been happily married for 7 years.
Jeez, I feel like this is one of those Dr. Abby letters I despise.
Hey SHAKES-if it makes you feel any better, that girl
was emphatically not out of your league.
She was a STRIPPER, hon…
Not exactly one of the upper echelons of society,
despite what all the makeup, hair bleach, electrolysis,
and low lighting led you to believe!
My boyfriend and I had a major fight (I was 16 at the time so any fight would’ve been a major fight!) and I was a total bitch to him at the time. I felt bad and wanted to do something to make it up to him so I took a raw egg and blew the insides out so the egg was hollow and then I painted I Love You on it in different colors. I even had a little egg stand to put it in. (Yes I was a dork but he was really hot and I was crazy about him) I gave it to him (stupid as it was) and he loved it and we made up. After I broke up with him I threw it against the wall and smashed it.
That was a childish thing I did in the name of love. I’ve done much more mature and womanly things since then… I just can’t post them here.
Okay…was talking to my GF about how much we both loved coconut, so we picked up a coconut at a roadside stand and took it back to her place. Of course, I wasn’t gonna admit that I had never actually cracked a coconut myself, only watched others do it…I swear, I was working at that sucker for over 45 minutes and looking like an idiot the whole time.
And then there was the GF who was an AMATEUR knife-thrower and I agreed to stand up against the wall and have her throw knives that were supposed to go around my body…sadly, I was not even drunk at the time, so I don’t have that excuse!
Maybe out of his league, but certainly enough not out of yours. In my book, people who make blanket conclusions about people based solely on their occupations are the lowest class of society.
Or Sue Dunhym (um, there’s an ‘h’ in there somewhere, right?). I preemptively agree with everything she’s going to say, btw. (In Scredle’s defense, that particular stripper sounds like a total headcase, the type that elicits kneejerk responses, y’know?)
But anyway, though I (conveniently) can’t remember anything particularly stupid I did in the name of love, there was this one guy who tried to impress an ex-gf of mine. What did he do? It was the epitome of maturity, charm, and intelligence, I assure you.
He picked a penny off the ground…and put it in his mouth.
Needless to say, she wasn’t exactly swept off her feet.
