We all go through terrible things in our lives. Loved ones die, we get sick, and sometimes the dog chews up our furniture. That doesn’t mean that the rest of the world has to walk on egg shells afraid that any innocent comment is going to piss someone off. The world does not revolve around your life, grow up.
Marc
Details, baby, your audience needs details.
the world doesn’t revolve around your details Kamandi. Suck it up and just agree with the man.
Ok, here’s an example.
[dramatization]
Picture me sitting at the cafateria eating a double sausage, cheese, and egg bagel.
Coworker: “Man, that’s a heart attack on a bagel.”
Me: Getting all bent out of shape because last week my father died of a heart attack.
[/dramatization]
Like I said we all have bad things that happen in our lives. But the entire world is not aware of what happens in our life. Innocent comments like the above are nothing to take offense at.
Marc
You wouldn’t happen to be referring obliquely to some recent threads, would you?
I know this makes me sound like an insensitive asshole, but that’s what I sometimes am so, I whole-heartedly agree. Shit happens… to everyone. Learn to cope. I’ve had to deal with a lot of shit, and don’t like to whine, and so it pisses me off to hear others constantly whine about their stuff.
Also, the type of stuff you’re talkin about, people shouldn’t jump on the person. If you’re that upset, explain to them why. I mean, what, were they supposed to somehow know what just happened to you?
Oh, yeah. And further more, I LOVE my quote. Don’t steal it, or at least give me credit. It is my motto.
Not just threads but stuff from real life.
Marc
God, Gibs, here I go agreeing with you again. Must be getting cranky in my old age!
You know I am going to sorta disagree with you MGibson. No the person shouldn’t over-react, but they do have the right to get upset. If you initiate a comment, then expect an interaction to occur. It might go positively or you could hit a nerve. This person just needs a “sorry that bad stuff happened to you” response. You are not obligated to respond nicely, but it doesn’t costing you anything to do so.
Yeah, I know the feeling.
So is mine.
Dammit! I clicked on the thing to make my sig show up!
Let’s try that again!
Oh, and FTR…mine is tattooed on my hip.
I don’t deny anyone’s right to feel terrible about the hard times they go through. I do resent when they fail to have any sense of perspective. Other people’s lives do go on. Other people still feel joy, and they should not always be compelled to shut up about it to spare the feelings of others. There’s room for tact, of course, but some people seem to believe that anything other than utter joylessness is callous towards their situation.
A bigger pet peeve comes from the people I know who are emotive bulimics. They find it cathartic to share their tales of woe with anyone who will listen. That’s their style, and I understand that’s just how they operate emotionally. But they sometimes wrongfully conclude that quietness from others means they’ve got less tragedy in their life. They fail to consider that maybe their style is to be more private about it.
I have to agree too, to some extent.
My mother is dying, she is now in pain, on constant oxygene, she smoked herself to death… when I see people with a cigarette it is like a punch in the gut, a stark reminder of my own personal hell, and how they dont give a fuck.
Do I rant at them, no, but sometimes I want to. I realize that unless I live alone on an island I WILL see people do things that cause me pain as I go through this.
BUT people who KNOW what I am going through have NO fucking excuse for insensitivity and cruelty. If you cant be supportive and tactful, leave me the fuck alone!
Re the OP, what you HAVE to understand is that when something happens to you, for examply you are losing the most important person in your life, it is very hard to keep perspective. Every day I expect to see a huge headline in the paper: ** KELLI’S MOM IS DYING! BUSINESSES SHUT DOWN, CHILDREN CRY IN THE STREETS!** such is the enormity of my pain. But life goes on, a thousand people pass me in my car as I cry over a song on the radio, or a flash of memory, and it is impossible that they dont feel my pain! Its so HUGE! The world must stop revolving, everyone must be as upset as me!
But they dont feel it, my loss, nay, my whole LIFE is inconsequential to them, I am nothing in the great scheme of life, a speck, a grain of sand, my pain is not important.
Such is life. If I allow strangers to hurt me with a casual remark, I should stay the fuck home.
p.s.
I want no hugs here, this is the pit for gods sake show Alphagene some respect!
I am really sorry for what you are going trough Kellibelli, i’m sure knowing someone you love is not going to be around anymore must be an awful thing to live with. However, i don’t think you should take it as insensitive and cruel if someone you know happens to light a cigarrette.
I remember driving home from the hospital after my son died and being surprised that the traffic lights were still working… it was like some part of me expected the whole world to stop working because everything hurt so much.
When someone is in that degree of pain, I don’t think it is reasonable to expect them to be able to be tolerant of strangers. A year or so down the track then yeah. But I still reserve the right to be offended by and rude to fools.
**
I guess some people just have different reactions. Everytime someone close to me has died I’ve always felt like tomorrow was just another day like any other. Not that I wasn’t sad of course.
Who said anything about fools? We’re talking about people who make completely innocent comments that are only offensive because someone just went through a loss. We’re not talking about people who make insensitve and rude comments. Like the OP in another thread who said her husband had congestive heart failure and the co-worker said “have you picked a casket yet?” That comment was completely rude and insensitve and he should have known better.
I don’t care what degree of pain someone is in they don’t have a right to take it out on other people. I understand that it happens sometimes but when it does we should apologize for it.
Marc
I believe my quote is courtesy of Dennis Leary, one of my favorite comedians. Thanks to, I believe Alphagene for pointing that out. I knew I had heard it once before, other than from my friend, but couldn’t remember where.
I understand completely…my mother died of emphysema, after a long, painful struggle. At the time I was a smoker and what amazed me was how acquaintances (not friends, usually co-workers) who knew would ask if I wanted to get emphysema too. Not nice. The pain of losing her was devasting.
My father died a few years later. Losing him was difficult too, but I almost knew what to expect afterward.
I’ve got to have a beloved pet put to sleep next week. His loss to me is just as great - because it is a loss.
If people can’t respect the loss or the grief, they should be quiet and not comment.
The pain does fade (eventually), the sun will rise, it will be humid in Wisconsin in August, and life will go on.
I have to disagree…take Kellibelli’s issue for instance.
This is Kelli’s mom, the woman that raised her and possibly gave birth to her (hey I am adopted so I look at the other possibilities.) When Kelli’s mom does pass on, her world, at that moment and time will revolve around her grief and pain. If she posts that her mom died, I am sure that the SDMB people will rally around her for support and kindness, and others in her life of course. Even I will and Kelli and I have had our differences in the past. The loss of a loved one or other personal tragedies are not meant to seek sympathy but support and knowing that others care and can have empathy with the circumstances at hand. It’s just a little thing to know that you aren’t alone – regardless of the circumstance.
While the world may not revolve around a person’s tragedy, it is a person’s right and need to seek support for what can be a very scary time in his/her life otherwise we’d all be like most animal species and be here solely to procreate. We think and and feel very extreme emotions…some more than others… but that’s the beauty of being human, to have the ability to reach out in our time of need and actually get that back and not suck it up to it being “life”. Life is filled with circumstances that hurt our hearts and souls…but my personal tragedy may be minimal because it’s not important to you but it’s important to me for whatever reason in my life makes it important.
If one chooses not to be supportive, then so be it. But the time that you have a personal tragedy, wouldn’t you want some consideration and support for your circumstances?
That’s just my opinion.