Fair enough techchick68 but I don’t really think that’s what MGibson is talking about.
Take his dramatization
He’s not saying that if somebody came up to him in the cafateria and said “My parent died last week” 
He would answer with “Oh ok, now stop moaning”.
With some people it all about them and they guilt people out who have made completly innocent statements.
I know what you mean, Primaflora. A few days after my Mom died, I was coming out of a grocery store with my 3 week old son. A fire truck drove by with its sirens on, and I found myself thinking “Oh, great, and now my house is burning down, too.” I guess that in my pain, I just automatically assumed that EVERYTHING bad was happening specifically to me.
When the pain is that intense, it literally can feel as if the world is crashing down on you, and leave you with really warped perceptions for a while.
Kellibelli: I am so, so sorry for the pain you are going through now. I’m sending my caring thoughts for you and your family.
Primaflora: My deepest sympathy on your loss.
I didn’t read what everyone said only the first few. I am a very calm person and don’t usually jump on people for no reason, so it makes me upset when they do that to me. I have had friends who jump on me for saying something that I had no idea would upset them. And the bad thing about that is that no one ever says sorry for it. I rarely jump on someone’s case but when I do and it had nothing to do with them, I always apologize or else I feel bad.
Doesn’t anyone have a conscience anymore?
Good topic! Not easy but well worth chewing over.
I muzzily suspect part of the problem is 1. people honestly not recognizing sensitive points and 2. other people too absorbed with their own sensitivities. In a perfect (smaller?) world, others know when one is genuinely bereaved and therefore temporarily irrational and equallly know those traumatized by nearly anything.
Rambling anecdotal non-evidence:
I tend radically toward the stoic, priding myself on not splashing personal emotions onto strangers. That said, I lovingly attended deathbeds for most of my family but was unexpectedly blindsided when my mother died. Totally out of character and to my entire humiliation I lost it over banalities, e.g. an old couple holding hands, a turn of phrase, mushy commercials.
My friends knew I was bereaved and generously made allowances but the worst part was trying to muddle toward something approaching normality with strangers. If it hasn’t hit you yet, rest assured it’s horrid scraping up covering inanities. At the worst I burbled cryptic stupidities like, “Sorry, it’s something else” and fled. Leaving puzzled onlookers either obscurely guilty or resolved to call the mental health professionals with butterfly nets, no doubt.
Sometimes people blurt out uncouth, messy sentiments that probably embarrass themselves more than anyone.
When in doubt, a good default thing is, “I’m sorry you’re faced with such troubles.” Neutral, nonjudmental and humane. For those who catastrohize hangnails…well, maybe their lives are so limited hangnails loom large. Which is a pretty dire fate right there.
Onlookers can be kind without for one instant assuming responsibility. In fact it can be the highest form of respect.
Somebody shoot me before I get wordier.
Veb