This is a continuation of the closed thread “Should I take my “5” girlfriend to “She’s Out Of My League”?”
I have a mental illness - bipolar disorder/social phobia. There are organisations and institutions where people with mental illnesses can socialise… and often they hook up/date. In my late 20’s I went on my first date and had my first girlfriend. I had opportunities in the past to date but I was too picky, etc. Anyway I know lots of people with mental illnesses and they keep in contact with lots of other people with mental illnesses and they have parties and can end up dating. BTW I know some mentally ill guys who currently have a sadder romantic life than I do… though they did have some sex in their younger years. There’s a guy that says I’m his best friend though I try to avoid him… I don’t want to hurt his feelings though.
As far as my girlfriend goes - I think she is average-looking but she’s given me handjobs in the cinema three times… and she is good at sex… she’s quite experienced. She is a fairly devout but somewhat liberal Christian too though. She asked her Baptist minister once about whether having sex before marriage is ok and he said “it’s ok - we all do it”.
JohnClay, you’re probably not going to get many answers here that will be usefully adapted to someone with your particular condition. Many people will give you advice that assumes a level of commonly-held social skills and attitudes that you may not have, so that advice will be difficult for you to integrate into your life. Also, some people will tease you, and you may not realize that they’re making fun. You’re probably going to be better off discussing your relationships with counselors who are trained in your area than on this general message board.
Romantic life is unpredictable, nuanced, and often frustrating even when one does not have a mental condition, so rest assured that you’re not alone in not having all the answers. My brief advice would be to focus less on the specific things you do together and more on the way you make each other feel. Are you relaxed together, and can you confide in one another? Do you want to be with each other? Do you each care about making the other happy (generally, and not just sexually)?
I wanted to share with people a hidden world they may not be aware of… the world of dating within mentally ill circles. In a way it’s like how some ethnic groups mostly date within their ethnic group… I just thought it was interesting. Some of the people are really messed up… e.g. there was one girl with a boyfriend who was going out with a guy next door and ended up chopping the heads off of his walking fish. Yeah I know it makes no sense but it is interesting gossip.
About my only problem with her looks is that I sometimes have trouble honestly reciprocating her compliments on my looks. Sometimes she says I’m gorgeous. Recently I said “you’re not so bad yourself” and she seemed to accept that. Since looks aren’t everything I guess that means I can say that I love her despite not completely loving her appearance… (BTW when I said I loved her a few days ago and she said “thanks”)
Why do you keep starting threads about it? If you’re so conflicted about dating an ugly girl that you can’t write about anything else, maybe you shouldn’t be with her. Or maybe you’re bragging? Maybe you should consider discussing your obsession with your girlfriend’s looks with your therapist/psychiatrist.
The threads have a different context - e.g. it might be also concerning “Beauty and the Geek”, etc. Also I started another thread in MPSIMS because the moderator who closed the previous suggested that I could.
I consider “gorgeous” to mean about the best possible looking person. Just because I don’t want to call her that and think she’s average-looking doesn’t mean she’s “ugly”.
In this thread I also wrote about other people. And in the movie thread I wrote about the plot of the movie, etc.
Yeah I am about some of her attributes.
I have quite a few different support workers/doctors.