The Worst Movie Critic in America

Cafe Society
1

Meet Sarah the Movie Critic. See Sarah write a review.

Poor Sarah. Sarah is semi-literate. Sarah cannot compose a compound sentence. It is a bumpy road reading a Sarah review. It is hard to keep your focus. It is boring even in a very short space. It is highly repetitive. It is not fun.

Why would I mock poor Sarah, an idiot blogger in a world full of idiot bloggers?

Because Sarah is the movie critic blogger for ChicagoNow, and ChicagoNow is the blogging arm of the Chicago Tribune, and the Chicago Tribune was once the home of movie critic Gene Siskel, an elegant and highly literate writer.

You Internet Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you, Internet! God damn you all to hell!

2

Wow that is awful.

3

You’re just now figuring out that bloggers are a bunch of damned dirty apes?

4

Does Sarah compose all her reviews on a Blackberry?

5

Sorry, forgot to leave a linkto her reviews. Maybe you can leave a comment. I think you’ll be the first. Ever.

6

It was a fun review but definitely not a thinking review.

7

Eek. Gene Siskel is turning over in his grave. (Actually, he and Roger Ebert are sitting together in that Big Balcony in the Sky giving Sarah a resounding “thumbs down.”)

8

Well, that was a twist I didn’t see coming.

9

There are comments to that movie and the “Captain America: Winter Soldier” movie now.

10

And here’s her newest review:

And if you don’t like Captain America, then a movie titled Captain America: The Winter Soldier is probably something you should avoid.

Is this for real? It feels like a parody of bad blogging.

11

Some people cannot be taught how to write well. These reviews read like bad technical writing. It’s as if she’s writing an MSDS for a film.

12

In Sarah Takes On The Movies Sarah the Movie Critic is Sarah. ChicagoNow is the Website.

Sarah the Movie Critic lives in Chicago. She must review new movies like Captain America the Winter Soldier. Will she succeed? Will she fail? Will she review new movies?

I enjoy Sarah Takes On The Movies. The reviews are funny and don’t use too many words. The review comes out March 35th, 2014.

13

But will guys and ladies enjoy her review?

14

Guy and ladies will enjoy her review. Her reviews are very enjoyable.

Recommendation - I would check out her reviews if you enjoy reviews.

15

I don’t know who this person is, but that’s what I wonder. The review in the OP sounds like its mimicking the style of a fourth grade book report. (I’m not saying that as a slam. I seriously and literally mean it sounds like it’s trying to evoke the tone of a fourth grade book report.) I hope to Your Deity of Preference this is intentional.

16

Wow. Those read like a book report by a 10 year old.

ETA:
That’s one hell of a ninja pulykamel!

17

Really? Because when I hit “View Comments”, they come up blank.

18

Mine too, but I think it’s my ghostery protecting me.

19

I think she’s a robot.

20

That’s the most impressive part!