I made it clear to my kids they would have college paid for, but it was for an education and not social experimentation. The deal was I’d pay for your college to a school I approve of, for courses I approved and grades C or better. If they wanted to not study or to take idiotic, social liberal, or ideological classes they were to pay themselves along with that % of the room and board etc.
I only had one test on that for with one course one semester I told her I would not pay for. I forget the course subject now.
She paid the course and board fees and told me at the end of the course it was not worth her cost. She is already telling her 14 year old the same terms apply to him.
Family-owned pharmacy (my generation is the 6th one). Firstborn son has no interest in Pharmacy, wants to study History. No! You must be a pharmacist! Secondborn daughter wants to be a pharmacist. That’s nice, dear. Both of them study pharmacy; he barely passes, she’s got a PhD, in part because she wasn’t allowed to work in the family pharmacy…
Family-owned, small chemical company. Firstborn son has no interest in the family business: he wants to be a pilot. Secondborn son has spent as much time as he could in the family business, finds both chemistry and business management interesting. Both of them were in my class in college when the first commited suicide.
What happened to mule drivers when hooves became wheels? They in turn became truckers. Second son wants to go to college to study history, not so much to make a living from history as for “general brain furnishings”. Father considers college is a waste of time, “you’re going to spend your life driving a truck anyway!”. Son says “up yours”+, moves to college town nearby, puts himself through college. Son got a job as a “general paperpusher” in a small company shortly after finishing college; got promoted, the company grew… he’s been made partner in advance of inheriting the company, which has grown from one to four factories, gone international… meanwhile, his brothers and cousins are doing ok with the trucking business.
One of my school classmates is one of the many scions of a family that have been lawyers since at least the thirteenth century. We were talking about our college plans when he said “law school :(” in the tones of someone announcing his own funeral. “Law? But aren’t you in draftmanship*?” “Yeah But Dad says the whole family has always been lawyers and I have to be a lawyer.” “… what is your mother, chopped liver or not part of the family? And isn’t her father a civil engineer?”
His mother was one of the math teachers at the other HS :rolleyes: He was able to use that cartridge succesfully next time the subject came up.
That’s a polite version. The original involved both parties getting that visible Y of veins on their respective foreheads…
Future engineer or architect, pretty much (I think out of 100 students in my year who chose draftmanship, there is only one who ended up in something else).
A lot of parents (dare I say, most of them) do NOT want their kids to boomerang on them. After all their kids were done with schooling, my parents let their hair down and started to really enjoy life (bought a dream house, went on vacations, shopping sprees, expensive “toys”). Having kids, even adult kids, living with them post-graduation would have really cramped their style. (Plus, it’s hard to brag about a boomerang kid. It’s my experience that parents really love to brag.)
So I don’t think parents are planning for kickbacks as much as trying to make sure their kids don’t sap them dry later, when it is no longer so cute.
If a kid wants to go to a really stupid college, and romance isn’t involved, perhaps parenting could be better. The kid has to live with it for four years (though transfers are possible) not you. If they can give you good reasons for wanting to go I’m okay with it - and was when my kids went. They went to very different places, but both had good experiences.
What I think would be more likely for a lot of kids would be for the kid to want to go to “Moneybags Private U” at $$$$ for a degree they could have got at “Academically Solid Public State U” for $$, because their buddies or girlfriend go to MPU, or because it’s in a party town, while ASPSU is in a hick town.
That said, I don’t think I’d stand in the way of giving them the cash that was saved, but I’d let them know that any ongoing contributions would be the same, MPU or ASPSU, and that they’ll be responsible for making up the difference. I’d also make a big point of explaining why putting yourself in major debt for the sake of high school friends or girlfriends is idiotic to the extreme, and that you’ll make plenty of new friends and girlfriends in college, wherever you go.
I think I’d also make a point of saying that once you’re out, you’re out, and you’re not coming back to live with us, except for possibly a short time after college long enough to build up a financial nest-egg for an apartment deposit, and stuff like furniture.
I voted for bacon. Because, well, isn’t bacon always the answer?
Seriously, though, I believe that if you are funding the college experience, you have some input. But I don’t believe you have the final say unless the choice is a for-profit institution that will leave a graduate with $100,000 in loan bills for an ‘education’ that will get them a $7/hr job.
I was lucky enough to be accepted to all the schools I applied to, but when it came time for the final decision, I chose the one that offered me a full scholarship. I grew up in a university community and was very well aware of the burden of extensive student loans. I didn’t want that for myself.
When my first son chose a school, his main criterion was that the school have a good cross country program. So all of the schools he applied to had such a program. My husband grumbled about the choice not being about academics, but ultimately we let the son make the final decision. And he made a wise one. He chose an out-of-state school, but they offered him a partial sports scholarship so the bottom line was about the same as an in-state school. Plus he went clear across the country and got a chance to experience a totally different region and culture, which only made his education more valuable.
Number two son wanted to go to an art school, so his process was a little tougher. We ‘steered’ him, I’ll admit it, away from the technicial-type institutions and into a more traditional program. Again, it worked out well as he ultimately decided to major in something other than art, a change he could easily make at a traditional college.
NOTE: A shout-out to Velocity. My mother was an ‘anywhere but Berkeley’ parent, too! I applied to Berkeley anyway, just so I could have the pleasure of showing her the acceptance letter when it arrived.
But Dad says the whole family has always been lawyers and I have to be a lawyer.” “… what is your mother, chopped liver or not part of the family? And isn’t her father a civil engineer?”
