Theater gripes

What are the things about movie theaters, or one specific theater, that you absolutley hate? The sound system at my local theater sucks. During the previews, before the movie starts, the sound will switch from high to low for some god awful reason. Luckily it stops when the movie starts to play.
However, during the last movie I went to see, ROTK, there was a constant hum in one of the speakers. I’m guessing it was blown. For the most part it was drowned out by the volume of the movie. Im beginning to wonder if the mangers ever check during a movie for sound and video quality. Whats your biggest gripe?

Theatres that think they’re saving money by using lower wattage projector bulbs than recommended.

This tends to make the movie kind of murky, particularly if it’s kind of dark to begin with (lots of night scenes, etc.), and ensures that I won’t be back for a second show.

Theaters that run obnoxious ads before the movies. The sound system at one of the local theaters is screwed, all the high notes and stuff come out sounding horrible. So I quit going there.

I hate it when the guy behind you steps on your hair… YOUR hair that’s hanging over YOUR seat. JERKOFF! GRRRRRRRR!
That’s in any theater, btw.

Yeah, I know I’m hijacking… so what??? Let’s step outside.

Tee hee!!

I hate when theaters don’t bother to include a turn, wall, double door, or some other system to prevent a flood of light from invading the theater every time someone walks in or out. Darkness is a basic function of a theater. It’s a simple architectual neccesity of building one. Why, then, do so many otherwise nice theaters (it’s usually new, posh, ones that do this) not bother?

NOISES OFF!!

Cell phones, talking, coughing (I swear, when I saw ROTK recently several people were having a contest!), wailing babies, impromptu straw-and-lid concerts, etc.

Gum on the floor, or sticky pop everywhere.

And the fucking outrageous ticket and snack prices! I hate having to take out a loan to go see a movie with the whole family.

I recall Roger Ebert ranting about this a few years ago. He said that while theaters all use the same xenon lamps, many operators run them at 75% power to prolong their lifespan. It was frustrating to him that all the work done by directors and cinematographers to create proper light balance was defeated to save what amounted to only a few cents per screening. He added that this was not common practice in Manhattan or West LA, where directors might actually see what was being done to their work.

How the hell do you step on someone’s hair? Is it 20ft long or something? If your hair reaches my shoes, you can bet your ass I’ll be stepping all over that.

They do what I do when I’m alone in the theatre - put their feet on the the backs of the seats. I can’t imagin doing that when somoene was in the seat, though.

Got’cha, not that makes sense. Yeah, those people are asshats.

My pet peeve is the inefficient way snacks are sold at the AMC Theater on Eisenhower Avenue in Alexandria, Virginia. Every time I go to the movies, I buy a medium diet coke. I’m not complaining about the price; I know I’m an idiot for over paying for water and flavoring, but I knew the cost coming in. I have to stand in back of idiots who start studying the menu when the concession worker asks to take their order. After yapping at their kids, they finally get their order together. The cashier gets the popcorn, nachos, candy, etc. together and then rings up the order. Then, the nitwits check their wallets and realize they don’t have enough money, so they have to reduce their order. By the time I get to the counter, a good 5-10 minutes have gone by. Why can’t the managers make drinks a self-serve item or have express lines for drinks only? Okay, I’ll stop now.

That person at the comedy movie who will. not. stop. LAUGHING! Even when everyone else is silent, waiting for the next joke, this person is still laughing. Oftentimes this person is accompanied by the guy with the annoying laugh. You know the one. Sounds like a horse getting its prostate examined. And there’s the girl who laughs at wildly inappropriate moments. She’s usually riiiight behind me. And if it’s a really bad day, these three traits will be combined into one hellish creature. I bet concealed carry support goes through the roof when you poll people right after they saw a movie.

I hate when there is a brightly lit red “EXIT” sign by a door just to the right or left of the screen. They’re distracting enough where they are, but sometimes they even cast a red glow onto part of the screen.

I also hate theaters don’t turn the house lights all the way down once the movie starts. They leave them on dim through the whole show. Very distracting.

My hair was only halfway down my back and I was leaning back in my seat. The guy had his feet up on the back of my seat, on my hair. When I sat up to resume bloodflow of the buttocks, I got a nasty tug. God damn that pissed me off. It hurt and he didn’t say a word, even when I said, “OW!”. He knew I was there… even sitting low in a theater seat, I’m still 6’1", people!

Cell phones ringing off during a movie suck bloated goat butt! So do stoned high school kids who giggle at Yoda’s voice even after your ex tells them to shut it four-five times. That’s when the flying soda happens, man (somewhere in these boards I posted about The Great Soda Explosion that wetted about 30 innocent people thanks to my ex but I’m too tired to look right now). That was one helluva night, that was.

medstar

If they did that, then people might buy only drinks! They want you to buy THREE items. A drink, a popcorn, and something, anything else. Nachos, ice-cream, candy, hotdogs, pizza, cookies, curly fries, chicken fingers, popcorn shrimp, come on, you must want something else.

Mostly my problems are with other patrons. The noise they make bothers me then most of the ‘theatre’ problems. But I live in NYC and the projection and sound quality are pretty good. Mrs. Z now demands stadium seating but we even have that here now.

Spermheads who show up right as the movie starts, and then ask me to move over so their group can all sit together.

The theater we usually attend is often crowded. I make it a point to claim our seats at least 20 minutes prior to the start time. (Sometimes even longer if it’s the first weekend of a blockbuster). When the theater starts getting packed, some groups just split up and sit where they can, but there are always a few who ask the people already there to slide over to make room for them.

In the spirit of altruism, I guess I don’t mind so much if we’re asked to slide over a seat or two when the place is really getting packed and there is more than ten minutes to start time. (And it helps if it’s an attractive female doing the asking). However, when they saunter into the theater at the published start time (or later) and ask me to move so they can have the best seat in the house, after I’ve already staked my claim for at least 20 minutes, I lose all sense of brotherly love and cooperation.
At that point, the answer is NO!

I really hate it when the credits begin and it says “Music by James Horner.” That just chaps my nads.

Chairs I can’t get comfortable in.

Most recent example: For some reason I just couldn’t get settled in the chair I selected for seeing The Return of the King, no matter how much I tried. (Trying to find another seat really wan’t an option - only available ones I could see by the time I gave up on getting comfortable in that particular seat were in the two rows closest to the screen, and I NEVER sit that close to a movie screen.)

Fortunately that didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the movie, though I ended up with a backache that didn’t fully go away until a couple days later.

Back in the 80s it was theaters that split one screen into several. With the coming of the multiplex, I just stopped going to those theaters.

People who talk during the movie. Being able to predict what a charcter is about to say DOES NOT MAKE YOU CLEVER. So don’t both telling me you know. And if you don’t like a movie, leave. You don’t have to tell everyone in the theater how much the movie sucks.