Should we apply this to all careers with specialized training? Go on into Best Buy and get the Geek Squad guys to get a virus off your computer, and then tell them they’re not doing any good in the world if they charge you.
Then do the same to your parish priest or pastor or whatever, if he draws a salary. Tell him or her he’s doing no good in the world.
For me, this is true. However, I also recognize that this is unhealthy in the long run. Just like not eating vegetables or getting enough exercise.
Having my first bout of suicidal ideation made me take the plunge. But you just don’t dip into a couple of therapy sessions and come out feeling fine if you’re feeling that way. You first have to figure out what is behind that feeling. And if you don’t know what it is, then you have to figure out why you don’t know why…and then why you don’t seem to know a lot of things you should know about yourself. Like why you don’t have friends.
And then you realize, after about a month or so, that this isn’t going to be a simple thing. That you’re not dealing with surface issues that can be cleared away with a few pills and a check-in with a doc every other month or so. My therapist diagnosed me right away as dysthymic, but over time we have come to realize–as I have become more open and comfortable–that there are other labels that are more precise. And that when you bunch them all together, you find someone who’s cruising for a lot of self-bruisin’.
So that’s why I just finished my third year with my therapist. I’ve accomplished a lot things over the past few years–all self-motivated yet inspired by my therapist–and I feel like a better person than I was before I started. But I’m still not “there” yet. Whatever “there” is…I want to get it.
Four years ago I wouldn’t have dreamed I’d be spending my Monday afternoons in a therapist’s office. That just wasn’t me.
In some ways, my therapist is a surrogate friend. A friend with very set limits. She actively encourages this thinking while admitting she does things in her work with me that are unorthodox and probably not 100% professional. Not creepy major things…but like she gave me a hand-me-down coat this winter because I kept wearing the same thin thing every day. She raided the refrigerator in her office once and gave me something to eat for my homework assignment, since I hadn’t been eating and she was worried about the weight loss. When she was recovering from surgery at home for a month, she told me to bring her some of my artwork to cheer her up. So yeah, the “cage” that is supposed to keep us apart sometimes breaks down, but I don’t feel it warrants her getting her license stripped or anything. Nor do I think it’s confused me about the nature of our relationship. She’s just trying to get me to see that having a friend CAN be rewarding, if you find someone who’s understanding and accepting. And I’m starting to understand this. The only problem is getting me to imagine that it could actually happen outside of the confines of her office.
I think if she just sat there quietly with a clipboard, I would just see a mirror of myself staring right back at me. I have been able to model good behaviors from her that I have been able to use on other people in my daily life. Like how to come across as more empathetic. You might pick up something like this from a friend from off the street. But chances are they aren’t going to realize you have problems in this department and know what they need to do to help you (or even have the patience). That’s how a therapist is better than a friend. But a friend is superior because you can call them when you’re stuck on the side of the road, or when you have the flu and no more toliet paper. And they’ll come a-running. You can also help them when they are down and feel the goodness that comes from that.
Good therapist= life-changing but with limited access
Good friend=life-sustaining but with limited understanding
If you want to apply it to all careers with “specialized training”, go right ahead…
I just wanted to thank you Monstro for coming in and chiming in even if you don’t exactly support me. It seems like a good step for your situation
This logic is all kinds of stupid.
Should we also expect doctors, lawyers, teachers, police, firefighters to work without remuneration? I guess they can pay their mortgages and feed their families on the goodwill generated by their selfless devotion to society. :rolleyes:
There are legitimate questions to be asked about how occupations like this should be funded, and whether there should be some way of socializing the cost, but to argue that therapists should do what they do for free is so irrational that it doesn’t even deserve consideration.
Hey, a girl’s gotta eat!
Monstro, I think I love your therapist. She sounds like a gem. It made my day to read what she does, and how well you understand what she is doing. Within professional boundaries, she truly cares about you. I know that absolutely. I can’t say that I find something to love in all my clients, but I try. And I care deeply about most of them.
For the record, most therapists do some pro bono work. Looking back over my week, I saw three clients for free this week, which is pretty typical. One can’t afford her co-pay, and the other two have lost their insurance. When that happens, I just see them for free. Fortunately for me, it doesn’t happen more often than I can handle within my practice.
And you deserve every morsel you get.
Brynda, you sound like you’re a pretty good therapist. I remember when you accurately diagnosed me that time, just from reading a few posts. My own therapist wasn’t able to do that after knowing me for a year! And I’m glad we have someone like you on the board since there are lot of mentally ill and despondant Dopers on the board. You provide a view from the other side.
Shagnasty, I don’t know why you’ve had so many bad experiences, but I’m sympathetic. I can’t seem to find a psychiatrist who I like. Without fail, all the ones I have been to have had an arrogant, detached demeanor about them. Perhaps one gets kinda jaded when their days are spent with crazy and neurotic people, but none of them ever seem to listen. If I say I’m not anxious, they tell me I’m too alexythymic to know what that is. If I say I’m sleeping well, that the racing thoughts only last a few minutes before the clonazepam knocks me out, they’ll prescribe me with Remeron anyway. Just for good measure (not caring that it puts you to sleep throughout the night AND day.) If you say the sky is blue, they snort and tell you it’s paisley with pink polka dots, are you sure you’re not hallucinating? I can’t imagine going to these guys for therapy. I’m very lucky that I picked a psychologist for that.
You dont have magical powers? My therapist has magical powers. His office is protected by a force field that is impervious to karmic retribution. The universe can’t kick my ass while I am ‘crouched in the couch’.
I love my therapist, but not in a creepy, inappropriate, involuntary hospitalization way. I feel so much better since I have started treatment. He is my reality check. Did you know that its O.K. to say NO to people?
I like that I have to pay. One of the lessons I’ve held very firmly from my parents is that it’s boorish to talk about yourself in social company. So it makes me feel better about babbling about my life knowing that I’m not necessarily wasting my therapist’s time. 
Thanks, monstro. I appreciate the kind words. Just for the record, I have been on the couch, too. Therapy has helped me so much over the years.
Bosstone, the other argument in favor of paying is that it makes clients take the process more seriously and helps it stay in the realm of profession, not just paid friendship. And the thread comes full circle. 