Do I have the wrong idea regarding therapy?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Expanding from my journal…

I think I’ve decided that I don’t need ‘counseling’. My husband keeps urging me to get the referral from my doctor.

But I feel great now that I have this medication. Not zany, manic great…but even. I realize that I was acting completely irrational before, crying, panicking, ranting and raving. But now, it’s covered. I’m back to me, and I have been for about a month and a half.

And besides, I can tell already that I’m not going to do good with a therapist. I won’t tell them what they want to hear, I know it. I’m happily married even though I married young. I had a fine childhood, no abuse, my parents aren’t divorced, nobody died, I like my sister. I believe in God, which they won’t like to hear… my uncle didn’t touch me in a naughty place, I finished school, I have a good job, I have a lot of
friends…

I just worry a lot. And what’s it to you? And why the hell does anyone care? I mean, believe me. I can talk about myself for days. I can bitch and moan with the best of us, but I know that NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT.

The bottom line is, I’m not bothering anyone by worrying about cancer or the end of the world or the concept of infinity or aliens or my dog being sick or whether I should have a baby or whatever. I mean, last night I just lay awake and stared at the ceiling, actually WORRIED about how wire is made. I couldn’t sleep. I’ve just learned not to tell anyone that I’m worried about those things. There’s no point in worrying other people about things I’m worried about.

And what’s that therapist going to do? Give me more pills? Shock therapy? Hypnosis? It would have to be something scary and drastic, because having a therapist say “Well, just don’t worry about those things” isn’t going to do it. People have been telling me that for years. “It’s silly to worry. Don’t waste your time worrying…why worry?” I KNOW THAT.

I’ve just learned now, with medication and self inspectioin to focus on the good things instead. Going to the pumpkin farm, baking cookies, learning how to knit (which I finally did), spending time with friends and family, singing karaoke.

I’m relatively happy today, and for the past two months or so. So why should I sit down and talk for an hour about how things scare me? It’s just going to scare me again. I’d rather block it out as far as possible. I grew out of my fear of NOVA, certainly some day I’ll grow out of my fear of cancer.

Right?

jar

2

Wire is our friend.

Glad you’re better, jar. You sound divine!

3

This is my view.

It’s hard to find the right therapist for you. If you do find the right one, it can be extremely valuable.

For me, there are two important questions: “Do I want to feel better? Do I also want to try to figure out what it is about me and my worldview that got me feeling so bad in the first place?” I think that if your depression is chronic, then the second aspect is important. If it’s situational, it’s not so important. If something else can address the feeling-bad part, then it might be enough by itself, without therapy.

When I sought treatment for my depression, my counselor/coach and my family doctor and I all agreed that I hadn’t the time or energy to add therapy to everything else at the time. It could make things worse, frankly. And it might not even be necessary. Might it help? Of course, at some point. I’m sure I’m plenty messed up even at the best of times, and I’m sure we could find plenty to work on. But right now, it’s not a part of the picture. I’ll see how I feel when I’m done with the dissertation.

4

If you find the right therapist it will really help.

How does your referal service work?

When my wife went she meet with someone to talk to her about what was bothering her and what she expected out of it and when she could go and then he kind of custom fitted a doctor for her.

AFIK most people do best with the combination of drug and talking therapies.

So think about it ok?

5

Are you worrying about going to a therapist?

OK, all jokes aside, I found a GREAT therapist when I was going through my divorce. If I had my way, I’d see him every single week for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, he’s a good enough therapist that once I was doing OK, he shwooshed me out of his office and told me to get on with my life.

Therapy can be great fun, and useful as well. You figure things out about yourself that you’d never realize. Things just CLICK when you find a good therapist.

You might want to try it. Why not? Worst case, you’re no worse off than you are now, right? And who knows, it might help some. I know it did for me.

6

I went to a counselor/therapist/whatever for about 7 months while I was in college. I was in a different situation than it seems you are in, but I was spending a lot of my time being stressed out and panicky about a lot of things. It’s not a chemical thing (or at least has not been diagnosed as such), but in my case I found it really helpful to just have someone to talk to about whatever was going on, what I was doing, what choices I was making, that sort of thing.

My therapist was really good at asking me questions and encouraging me to follow trains of thought that focused on what I wanted and needed to be happier, to be less stressed, and that sort of thing. It was very laid back, and I really found it beneficial. Of course, in a lot of ways I think that if I had a SO with whom I could talk about a lot of that stuff I might have gotten the same thing out of it, but not completely. Also, free mental counseling through my university was really nice, if I didn’t have that or didn’t have insurance which covered it I don’t think I would have done it.

I didn’t view my therapy as the road to any sort of cure, just as a way to vent and to verbally express some things that I wanted to get out but was having trouble doing.

Anyways, you sound pretty confident about who you are and where you are right now. If you don’t feel you need to talk to anyone, then don’t. It can hardly be productive if you don’t want to do it. But, if you ever do feel like you just need to talk to someone, or need a new ear to blab at, I’d definitely consider counseling.

Oh, and one other thing… don’t worry about worrying other people about things you’re worried about (oh no, something else for you to worry about!!). It’s my experience that that sort of thing bugs people much less than I think it does.

Happy Tuesday!

7

Well, to me, the worst case is, I’m out a million dollars, I’ve got a therapist trying to convince me there is no god and I was a part of satanic rituals as a baby, and I’m still unable to grasp the concept of infinity, to the point that it makes me vomit.

I’d rather just not think about the things that bother me, than rehash them over and over.

8

jarbaby, if you get a therapist like you just described, get a different therapist.

I went to therapy a few years ago, when my younger brother was killed in a freak accident. My experience was pretty much the same as Athena’s. I was depressed because of a depressing situation - when I got better, she kicked me out. I was also working only sporadically at the time, and was lucky enough to find a therapist who would work on a sliding scale. (Got a lower rate by seeing her during hours that most patients worked.) I recall her fondly as the nice lady who made me feel better during a dark time.

If you don’t like the therapist, get a different one. If you try therapy and don’t like it, no one will force you to go. But what’s the harm in giving it a shot? It doesn’t mean you’re any crazier than the rest of us, particularly in this crowd.

9

jarbabyj, nobody really understands the concept of infinity. If they did, their brains would explode. Haven’t you read the Hitchhiker’s trilogy? Remember the Total Perspective Vortex? It’s a soul-annihilating form of torture that actually shows you what the size of the universe is in relation to yourself. It destroyed people. Are you trying to understand it, or getting freaked out by thinking about it?

If it’s the latter, there’s a wonderful old Bloom County cartoon. Oliver (the black kid who’s a scientist) is looking through his telescope and thinking…

“It just goes on and on and on and ON! AND ON! AND ON! AND ON! AND ON! AND ON!” <etc>

Later, he’s in bed, thinking, “Infinity is a concept best contemplated within four walls with the covers around one’s toes.”

10

Um, the above is nothing any reputable therapist should make you think…the point of therapy is to help you get over/learn to deal with the things that bother you, whatever they may be. While there may be some “rehashing” involved initially, that shouldn’t be the main point. If you keep, quote “not think[ing] about the things that bother” you, they will keep coming back, yes? The point is to make them go away and stay away.

It’s great that meds & introspection has worked for you. Therapy’s not for everyone, but it’s also not the load of bs that you seem to think it might be.

11

With deepest regards, jarbabyj, from someone who is on the other side of this argument. I’m perfectly happy (well, no, that’s not it) in therapy and have twice talked my doctor out of prescribing me medication.

You think your therapist won’t like to hear that you believe in God? Then get a referral from your minister or request specifically that your M.D. refer you to someone with a religious point of view similar to yours. As it happens, I got my referral from my M.D., but my therapist works with a counseling center that is affiliated with a church. We get a long great. And he doesn’t even flinch when I say “fuck.”

The more important question, though, is “what’s that therapist going to do?” A good therapist will help you consider what is going on inside your own head. He or she will give you other perspectives to consider and new ways of thinking about what you already have decided. The therapist-client relationship is a strange one, but it offers something virtually no other relationship can: a completely unbiased, non-judgmental, and resolution-oriented sounding board for your soul.

At least mine does.

Best wishes and God bless.

12

Well, I was sort of joking about the satanic ritual stuff. I was asked what the worst case scenario would be, so I gave it.

I’m still thinking about it. But if I’m going to be spending $75 a week or whatever, I’d rather get a relaxing massage rather than talk about how much I miss my grandpa. :slight_smile:

This is like guys who won’t go to prostitutes because they Know the hookers don’t really want them. I don’t want to pour my heart out to someone when I know they don’t care and are only sitting there for the paycheck.

jar

13

Wire is made by drawing - you take a rod, and pull it through one or more tapered openings to thin it out.

I had a counseling session once that basically consisted of “don’t fret about whether you feel like you think you’re ‘supposed’ to - just be in tune with how you feel.” He told me it was fine for me to feel the way I did, to stop fretting, and that I didn’t need to come back unless I couldn’t stop fretting. It was unbelievably liberating.

I’d give it a try if I were you. If you don’t like it, you can always quit.

14

Alternatively, send me $75 a week.

For that, I’ll send you one affirming e-mail per day, with a bonus extra e-mail containing a Blonde Joke on Saturdays.

Aw, screw it, you’re a friend. I’ll cut the rate to $72.

15

jarbaby, I am the walking, breathing test subject for your theory.

I’ve been going to therapy for the last several months. At first it was very difficult, and I wasn’t sure it was right for me. Then it turned into my daily hour of sobbing like a child – which was actually good for me. Then I felt as though I started coasting and it just wasn’t productive at all.

Having said all of that, I just got back from my session where two things happened. 1 - I had another mini breakdown/sob session, that made me re-evaluate a few things, and 2 - I told my therapist that I had to suspend our sessions for at least a month (I need to save the money).

It’s weird having a feeling of utility, after a month of futility only to cancel the whole schabang. But, I’ll let you know if the result is me going off the deep-end – that is, if that will help you make your decision at all.

16

If you stayed up all night worrying about how wire is made you might want to speak to a therapist. “Just learning not to tell anyone” isn’t a solution… in fact, it’s so obviously NOT a solution that it sounds like a line from “The Simpsons.” I’m almost inclined to ask if you were kidding when you wrote that.

With all due respect, I think you’ve gotten all your ideas about therapy from “The Sopranos” and other Hollywood nonsense. Nothing you wrote in your OP makes it sounds as if you know anything about it. A professional, qualified therapist is not going to bug you into saying your parents abused you when they didn’t or just tell you that “Everything will be okay.” They WILL, however, engage you in a dialogue to try to get YOU to figure out why you’re so full of irrational worries. And what’s wrong with solving that problem?

As to whether or not the therapist cares - again, you simply don’t know what you’re talking about, no offense (how would you if you’ve never been to a therapist?) It’s not the therapist’s job to care, to not care, or to pretend they care. I’m sure they do care, but that’s irrelevant. It’s their job to help you fix a problem. The best thing about a good therapist is that they can get you clearly thinking about the real problems and the real solutions where you might not otherwise understand them. It is most certainly NOT their job to “just listen” or be your friend, or to reassure you or give you cookies. They are doing a job. Basically, it’s a consulting job. And the good ones do it amazingly well.

As with your post about the antidepressants, I think you’re taking therapy as a sort of personal weakness, just as you did the idea of taking antidepressants. And again, I’ll say the same thing; these things are merely tools to solve what is basically a medical problem, nothing more. Going to a therapist isn’t any different from going to a mechanic; you present them with a problem and they will offer a solution. If your car’s engine was making a loud scraping sound would you ignore it and just pretend it wasn’t there and be satisfied that you weren’t telling anyone else something was wrong? Or would you just take it to a professional and get the damn thing fixed?

A few sessions with a therapist can’t hurt. Why not try it? If you don’t like it, drop it.

17

Good God, you people are insightful regarding therapy. As someone who likes to think of herself as a pretty good therapist and who has been on the other side of the couch at times (all the good therapists have :slight_smile: ), I am impressed by the way you guys described the process of therapy. I would like to emphasize a couple of points:

Find a therapist who is right for you. If the first one doesn’t feel right, don’t give up. Would you never go to any MD again just because you didn’t like one you saw? Check credentials–a Ph.D. in clinical psychology is best, but many MSWs are very good at what they do as well. IMHO, psychiatrists in general do not make good therapists.

I loved what ENugent said about therapy: “The therapist-client relationship is a strange one, but it offers something virtually no other relationship can: a completely unbiased, non-judgmental, and resolution-oriented sounding board for your soul.” That is a damn good description of what I try to do. (And yes, it is the best job in the world.) I like what RickJay said about how caring is beside the point, but I have to admit that I am at my best when I find something to love about my clients. Usually, that isn’t hard. :slight_smile:

jarbaby, you sound like you have significant anxiety and ignoring it might help for a time, but as several people have said, ignoring is not a permanent solution. Ignoring (or avoidance, to use the proper psych lingo :)) also takes energy–you have to will yourself not to worry or not to tell others that you are worrying. In the long run, it would be better to worry less, which is what you could address in therapy. It won’t be easy, but it might make a real difference for you.

Best wishes to you.

18

I absolutely agree that therapy isn’t for everyone. Even more importantly, every therapist isn’t necessarily the right therapist even for those people who do want therapy.

I would also tend to agree with the people who have suggested trying it out at least for a few sessions, and then deciding if it is for you or not. Or at least consider trying it out.

The one valuable thing I learned from a therapist was how to recognize my own warning signs – I was dealing with a severe anxiety disorder rather than depression (which, by the way, I feel very strongly are two manifestations of the same disease). Speaking only of my personal experience, there were times even with the meds that I didn’t feel quite 100%. Granted, it was still leaps and bounds above where I was without the meds, but even so, I liked having tools in addition to the medication and being able to monitor my own mood. You might think (or rather, I originally thought) “gee, how obvious is that, a stressful day at work is probably going to lead to some increased anxiety, DUH” but it was rather more complicated than that, and the therapist pointed out connections that I failed to consider on my own, probably because she was more removed from the situation.

I think I went to five or six sessions in all – I didn’t feel the need for more, mostly due to reasons like the ones you mentioned in the OP. But I am glad I went, because of

A. The reason I mentioned above;
B. If I ever need/want to go again, particularly in a crisis situation, I will already know what to expect and what to look for in a therapist;
C. Now I don’t sit around wondering if I should have gone, in other words, I have a stronger case for not liking something since I tried it and then said I didn’t care for it.

I suspect some people might be thinking that five or six sessions isn’t really enough to judge the therapy process. But it was enough for me. Two might be enough for you. And one can always change one’s mind and go back.

19

I wish I’d said that, but it was KneadToKnow. I was just the one who actually did know how they make wire.

20

First, your worrying is bothering someone: YOU. If you’re losing sleep because of it, that in itself should be enough reason to want to do something about it.

All you’re doing by going to a therapist is getting help from a professional to solve a problem you can’t solve on your own. Just like the mechanic analogy. The therapist isn’t going to sit there and say, “Well, stop worrying!” He or she will try to help you figure out why you worry so much, or if there isn’t a specific reason, help you work out strategies to deal with it and eliminate the worrying or reduce it to where it doesn’t interfere with your life.

I’ve been to a bunch of different therapists, and never once has one had a problem with my faith in God, or tried to convince me I had problems I didn’t. They all just talked with me and guided me to where I needed to go. That’s what happens in that office. You really do the work, the therapist is your guide. Why pay them, then? Because they are trained to help you find out things about yourself you didn’t know. By asking the right questions or offering suggestions, they can help you understand things about yourself that you might not have been able to see. We all have blind spots, especially when it comes to ourselves, and that’s why we sometimes need help getting that insight.

You’ve got absolutely nothing to lose and potentially a lot to gain by at least trying it.