What I got from therapy was an understanding of my bi-polarity and tools to help me handle it. The meds moderate the cycles, but I still cycle. The therapy I had 20 years ago gave me the ability to recognize and handle the peaks, valleys and the up and down ramps.
My physician referred me to a psychiatrist who saw it as his job to make me independent of therapy - he didn’t view me as a source of continuing revenue. What a gem! I don’t know where I’d be now without his help years ago.
Good luck.
Oops, my bad. Sorry, KneadToKnow.
I feel that I’m starting to look like the one idjit giving bad advice, here.
Well, it won’t be the first time. I mean, that I’ve been an idjit, or looked like one.
I will stand by my statement that there is a time for it–and, for some people (like me at this stage of my life) there are times where it’s not worth the emotional investment it would require. Perhaps the answer would be different if I weren’t also talking to a coach every week. I’ll also repeat that therapy is a chance for you to not just fix your symptoms, but the cause of the symptoms. It’s a chance to not just feel better, but to understand why/how you got down or worried in the first place.
I think that if you don’t want to go, it won’t be productive. But your picture of what a therapist would tell you and want to hear from you probably isn’t accurate.
Ask for a referral to a behavioral therapist. They won’t focus on the the past lives, childhood, etc. issues, unless it’s relevant to you.
Tell the therapist that you only want five sessions. You can decide more if you want.
Tell the therapist the problem(s) that made you think about seeing them for counseling, and what would make you happy (not worrying? worrying less?).
A good therapist is like having a friend to talk to, that can give you feedback without B.S. But the therapist doesn’t have the preconceptions about you that a friend might have. Sometime, just a few sessions can help you to identify what, if anything, you need to work on. Behavioral therapists are goal oriented - why are you here? What is the concern? How would YOU know when you feel better?
Try it.
Jarbaby -
I’ve had some of the same issues you have with therapy. The last time I was seeing a therapist on a regular basis, I stopped going when my deductible went from $10 a session to $25. (Plus, she never had any advice I found useful - it took me a while to figure that out).
But a few weeks ago, I talked to a counselor for a few hours regarding Sept. 11. Even just that one session was helpful. It’s very reassuring to have a professional tell you that you’re okay (or headed toward okay) and that what you’re feeling can be explained.
Good luck.
Oh yeah, responding to the OP Title, “Do I have the wrong idea regarding therapy?”
I’d say yes. But it’s not your fault. I’m 39 and my original views on therapy were shaped by a lot of late 50’s and early 60’s movies and cultural view of Freudian therapy (Freud - “It’s all your mothers fault, your personality was set by the time you were 3, we have to start talking about toilet training and if you are a woman, hoo boy. Plus, it will take 3-5 years”)
But that’s no longer what therapy/counseling is. For most practictioners, therapy focuses on dealing with the immediate problem and helping you explore the choices made on how you got to this problem or how you choose to deal with problems.
The questions a good therapist should ask you are, “What’s the concern that brought you here?”, “Why is it a problem?”, “What would you like to change?”, “Are you willing to do the work it takes to change?”, “If you don’t change, will you be happy with where you are now?”
Some questions you should ask before beginning counseling are:
Do I want a male or female counselor? (Which gender can you best share with?)
Do I need a counselor who shares my religion/lifestyle/age/generation? (When I was getting my M.S. in counseling, I had classmates who said they couldn’t counsel an unbeliever/Jew/Mormon. Generation/lifestyle - I grew up taking a lot of recreational drugs. Wasn’t my problem in therapy, but more than one counselor wanted to focus on that history, to the exclusion of the relevant problem.)
Just some thoughts. I’d be glad to give some other tips off the boards if you wish.
NOTE - I’m not a therapist/counselor/psychologist. I have a degree in counseling, but chose not to do it for a job.
Therapy is where two people hang out with each other on a regular basis and talk and listen to other but one person pays the other to participate in this arrangement.
Therapy is where the person being paid is supposed to provide thoughtful feedback, insightful and incisive comments designed to help the other person get out their “rut”, plain old acknowledgement and legitimation of the other person’s felt experiences, and a reasonable measure of empathy for what the other person’s life has been like and what they are going through, but the paying person is not expected to reciprocate.
Among the best advice, interventions, and insight-generating feedback one can receive from a good therapist is that which convinces the therapy-recipient that people should take responsibility for their lives and what they feel, what they decide, and how they cope with life; that it is nevertheless a good thing to listen and care about the experiences, travails, and concerns of others, as long as you don’t try to take over their lives, don’t get so immersed in their lives that you’re living them instead of living your own, and that you must accept and acknowledge the rigth of others to make decisions that aren’t the decisions you would’ve made, even as you listen and give them feedback and remain interested and concerned with their lives.
There is a more blunt and conclusive way of saying that: instead of paying someone for the privilege of participating in an inherently unequal relationship in order to get the benefits of involved human contact, you should seek out mutual interactive relationships that are symmetrically therapeutic for all of their participants.
Yeah, yeah, I know…the Therapist has Special Training. Knows some Explanatory Theories. Is able to provide a range of feedback of Expert Level Quality.
Actually there is some truth to that (although it is also true that a frightening number of people seek positions as therapist-types because they DO like running other folks’ lives and/or get their own needs met by fixing up other folks’ lives), but the inherent inequalities of the therapeutic relationship tend to work in the opposite direction from the best intentions of the best therapists.
Short-term therapy can be wonderful if you have the good fortune to get a good therapist. But, getting back [finally] to the OP, once you are feeling like you don’t need therapy, GOOD FOR YOU!!! Now go find a person, or a a circle of people, in which the healthy interactions form an environment in which you get the support you need as well as the sensation of helping others in kind.
Let me say it again: GOOD FOR YOU!!!
jarbabyj -
Are you willing to stay on the medication(s) forever to feel “even”?
If “No” to the above:
At what time/circumstance will you decide you no longer need the medication?
If you are taking a medication to change your behavior, I would also suggest that you consider counseling. Most problems are about behavior, not “chemical imbalances”. Pills make us feel good. But if the pill is gone . . .?
(Statement recognizing that psychotropics are useful/necessary in some instances. Disparaging statement about most M.D.s treating psychological concerns with medicication, rather than taking the time to talk to the patient. Reference to years of professional experience dealing with M.D.s, psychologists, behavioural therapists, screwed-up therapists, etc. )
Cranky,, despite the fact that I urged the OP to give therapy a try, I agree with you that there are times when someone is not ready for therapy or it is just the wrong time for a bunch of reasons. You are also right, IMHO, that therapy is unlikely to be productive unless the person is willing. My referring MD used to ask me to counsel patients regarding drug or tobacco use. My standard response was “if s/he is willing,sure, but if not, no. If I could somehow make people change, I wouldn’t be working here, I would be making my millions elsewhere.” He doesn’t ask anymore unless the person is willing. 
Bottom line: Don’t feel like an idjit. Well, not about this. I for one agree with what you said. I am just hoping that this might be a good time for jarbaby after all. Posting what she did sounded kinda like a straw man, I-wanna-be-convinced plea to me. Maybe not, but maybe.
I believe your question has been answered quite thoroughly. You do indeed have the wrong idea about therapy, it’s goals, it’s benefits and costs. This is great news, isn’t it? Now you have the straight dope on therapy.
I’ll share a personal experience, maybe it will help. For what it’s worth, you sound very much like my wife. When we were first getting together it was a very stressful situation(having a lot to do with our ages, a baby out of wedlock and clinically insane in-laws on both sides). I did my best to protect and support her, but she developed depression and it didn’t help that she already had GAD(Generalized Anxiety Disorder). During college I convinced her to see a therapist and take some psychological tests. The tests were very enlightening and she said her weekly therapy sessions were going very well(as if being a non-traditional college student, a newlywed, a young mother, and insane relatives weren’t enough, she lost both her grandfather and father within three years). She has come to a much better understanding of herself and is no longer afraid/ashamed to admit her problems, but…
She did the thing you simply can’t afford to do with a therapist. She did not open up. She talked about what she believed the therapist wanted to hear, and did it quite convincingly. A year and a half worth of lovely sessions where they sat around and talked, but she never talked about the things I knew were keeping her awake at night. I didn’t understand this, but I could tell the therapy wasn’t working for her, so I suggested she take up an activity to help build self-esteem and self-discipline. She studied martial arts for about two years during college, but…
Instead of it being a way to work off her tensions, she took it on as an extra set of tensions. She would now obsess about being late for class. What about leaving me at home with the kids, would I be OK? What if she didn’t do well on her upcoming belt test? Would they call upon her to help teach some of the new students their katas?(this was part of the school she went to. Once you were no longer a white belt, you were required to help teach the white belts. Often the sensei would let the senior black belts lead the class and just walk through the ranks giving advice, or demonstrating a technique) Or, there is a tournament coming up in a week or two, what if she humiliates her dojo? So…
What advice do I have to offer you? Only this, if you’ve seen any of yourself in this story, give a therapist a try. Don’t worry about what they want to hear, or what you should or shouldn’t feel/say/think. Get it out, look at your anxieties and deal with them. My wife’s personality profile revealed a frightening possibility, it appears she is highly likely to become addicted to things. This could be anything from medication to alcohol, all probably used as a coping mechanism for what she feels is her inadequacy. In reality my wife is a beautiful, strong, fiercely intelligent woman who lets her doubts and fears paralyze her. The only person she really feels comfortable being completely candid and herself with is me, and she says that is because she doesn’t fear that I would stop loving her or leave her “No matter how messed up I am.” This breaks my heart.
If you also have such deep seeded anxieties, please, do yourself a favor and seek help. Having a problem isn’t shameful, hiding that problem instead of working to solve it, that’s the real danger.
Steven
Sigh, I guess that’s what preview is for eh?
I agree with Cranky and Brynda, if your heart isn’t in it, and you don’t truly want, or feel comfortable opening up to a therapist, you will probably not get anything out of it. My wife and I learned this lesson too late, she simply wasn’t ready to open up, but we both recognized the desperate need for some type of stress/anxiety relief in her life. We are still working on it and hope your road is easier than ours.
Steven
Not at all, Brynda. It’s not often I get to hear someone say they wish they’d said something I said. Thanks, ENugent. That was quite an ego-boost.
My experiences with therapists have never been productive. I can rattle off what’s going on for hours and have no trouble getting to the root of the problem, but where do you go from there? I’ve never had anyone who proposed any solutions to the problems. Their idea seemed to be that once you knew what the source of the problem was, you could fix it. Well knowing the source wasn’t hard, it was the fixing I obviously didn’t know how to do. And they never had any answers for that. When I told this to other people, they’d say, “We’ll they can’t just wave a magic wand and make it all better,” to which I said, “well then what the hell CAN they do?” which always seemed to be “not much”.
I’m also leery of them since I had a girlfriend who had a therapist she adored who had really helped her through some stuff. To the point where the girl simply could not make any decision without the therapist, and never wanted to be far away from her. I realize that kind of dependency isn’t common and isn’t normal, but it seems like a therapist would nip that in the bud. It went on for months and for all I know may be still going on, since I broke up with the girl.
Therapy works for some people. Not all. You can go broke trying to find “the right” therapist for you.
Yes, yes, I know I’m just pulling up part of AHunter3’s post and it’s out of context, but, respectfully, don’t you think any type of relationship, whether clinical or simple friendship, in which you unburden yourself has some element of payment to it, and some element of inequality (if not always, at least sometimes)? The payment may not be money, but I have friends that I talk to about personal matters and it’s often quite helpful, but then I have to listen to their problems, or put up with their distractions, or their bias–of course, in a good friendship, this is ok and ultimately the way I would want it, but when you see a therapist, for an hour you are the center of attention and your thoughts, dreams, and problems are the focus. Sometimes, even though you have to pay for it, it’s awfully nice to not have to be considerate of the individual who’s listening to you.
jarbabyj, you won’t get anything out of therapy if you aren’t commited to it as a good idea, so it may not be for you. I understand some of your feelings–I tend to believe in pulling myself up by my bootstraps and carrying on. But my therapist helps me develop a sense of perspective–which is something I sorely need in my life right now–and she helps me communicate with the people that I love, even when what I feel I need to communicate is a little off the wall. And, by the way, I am a Christian, and so is my therapist–we don’t constantly, or even often talk about how God works in my life, and she doesn’t bat an eye when I say apallingly unChristian things, but we both understand what perspective we’re working from.
Good luck. It’s difficult to feel unsettled, even just a little bit. Make sure you choose the right path for you, and you’ll work through it. Oh, and God Bless!
Jarbabyj, you definitely have the wrong idea about therapy. the best therapy… here, lemme demonstrate…
climbs into Jarbabyj’s lap
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
now THAT’S therapy. 
as an added bonus, you can bitch to a cat and they’d STILL purr! tah-DAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH…
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
Wowza. Well thanks for all of the advice. I’m still considering it. I guess in a way this was a straw man brynda…I’m sorry for being manipulative and sort of attention begging on that front.
I do understand that not every therapist is Freud. I WOULD feel weird telling my doctor that I’d rather talk to a man because she’ll think that’s weird, but I like men better than women when I’m venting…
I do want to comment on something though, based on what others have said and what Lego said:
This is my preconceived notion:
Dr: So, what’s bothering you today.
Jar: Well, I was awake for three hour last night worried that the moon had cracked in half.
Dr: Well, you know that isn’t true.
Jar; I know
Dr: So…why do you worry about it.
Jar: I just do
Dr; Well don’t.
And then we get into a fist fight and I break a vase over his head.
I know I’m a nutball. I worry about stupid, inconsequential things. And I have friends that I sit around and talk to about it, and I still worry about it.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go, if my insurance pays for it. Who knows, maybe the doctor will be some dreamy German guy.
jar
Yeah, wouldn’t that be great… a Helmut Shrink.
:D:D:D:D:D
When I first decided I needed some therapy, I went through my employee assistance program. After a couple of sessions, the very nice counselor I was working with and I agreed that I needed more long-term work than the EAP setup could provide, so she gave me some names.
I specifically told her that, with all due respect to her, I would prefer to work with a man because I see one of my issues as a need to please women, and I feared this would interfere in my therapy.
So by all means, go with what you need to go with. If you decide to go with that.
I’m not a therapist, but I’m considering it as a career and am currently taking an introduction to psychotherapy class. From what I’ve been told, psychotherapists aren’t supposed to propose solutions to problems. The goal of psychotherapy varies, according to theoretical model, but the means to that goal is not to tell clients what they should do.
For example, if a client is unhappy with her marriage, the psychotherapist shouldn’t say “Get a divorce.” Instead, the therapist should explore what the client wants to do, how the client feels about varying options and how they feel they would carry out those options.
I hate to hijack jarbaby’s thread but you all are giving great advice.
Many have suggested going to a different therapist if you don’t like the first. How can you do that if it took everything in you to drag yourself to the first one?
I believe I am quite depressed and could benefit from medication and maybe therapy. I went to a therapist a year ago for about 3 sessions and it was a terrible experience. First, it took everything I could to work up the gumption to go. Second, he was awful! When I did tell him things he would say he didn’t believe me. He was also the person who collected the money (he had no receptionist, billing dept, etc) and it was awkward paying the person directly who treated me. It was so unstructured it was maddening. After the first appt. I started to leave. He had not suggested another meeting time so I asked him about that. He said to come in whenever I felt like coming in. The onus for scheduling the therapy (or even bringing up scheduling) was on me! He did a psychological profile (which I payed big bucks for) and then would not send it to me when I called and asked him for it. He told me it would be like showing me my own autopsy.
Arghhh! I don’t think I can deal with that however many times it takes to find the right therapist. My insurance companies method of recommending a therapist is to tell me to look in the phone book.