My husband has a stressful job, made occasionally more so by his own reactions to angry/upset/entitled/jerkish people. It’s bad enough that it’s gotten him fired before. I have been his main outlet all these years and it really, really isn’t good for either of us. He’s starting a new job soon, and I’ve asked him to find a professional to talk to. His question to me was “virtual or local, what’s better?” I shrugged and he asked if I could find out. As the only time I’ve ever had a therapy-type appointment was well before Zoom was remotely thought of I can’t be of any help, so I’m asking you lovely people.
If you don’t mind sharing just a bit of info, do you have a preference for in person vs virtual meetings of this sort? Any raves? Any horror shows?
I do know that it’s kind of a crap shoot at first because you have to click with the therapist, but is it any easier to determine in-office vs virtually?
I guess I don’t even really know what kind of questions I should be asking. Help?
Honestly, I prefer remote, but that’s because I have a low opinion of therapists in general anyway. Nearly all therapists I’ve known charged a high sum of money just to trot out a bunch of weary cliches and platitudes that sound good but mean nothing. So if they’re going to do that, I’d rather they just do it over a computer instead of me having to drive there in person - save the trouble.
I always kept coming back to this aphorism: the issue is communication with others, i.e., me not doing it well, or at least not to my satisfaction; so why would I assume it would go better with the therapist?
But it actually does feel good to be listened to, even sans the desired extra of being understood. It is good practice to put things into words. Put me down as another in favor of remote.
I think ranting at an uninvolved, essentially unemotional (in regards the topic at hand) person is what’s going to be key. Clear communication is difficult at the best of times (for most people, I think), adding frustration and anxiety to it just turns mud into nuclear sludge.
It’s important for him to think about the purpose of therapy. Is it for him to get a cathartic release by getting his aggravation of his chest? Or is it for him to work on himself so that he can be in these situations without getting frustrated in the first place? Does he just want someone to listen or does he want to change himself?
Therapy can be great for people who just want to talk to someone. It allows them to release pent up feelings without dumping them on friends and family. Therapy is not so great at actually changing the person. It can do that, but it’s a lot of work, takes a long time, and the person has to be very involved in the process.
As for in person or remote, that can be a personal preference. Does he use video conferencing in his job? How does he like that compared to in-person meeting? If he doesn’t hate video, then that might be best since it’s so convenient. He won’t have to take time off to go to the therapist’s office. He could even do the session at work by sitting in his car. From what you said, I got the sense he just wants someone to listen, so the convenience of online may be better.
You’re absolutely right. But as for your second part, there’s a sort of middle-ground of discussing coping strategies and tools to deal with the assholes/stressful stuff without necessarily getting into drastic therapy depth into why that bothers him and how to change that.
Personally, I’d think that would be the best option for him.
As far as virtual vs. in-person goes, the main difference is distraction. In-person allows you to go into their office and shut the door, and by doing so shutting out the rest of the world. You can rant, cry, talk, bemoan, discuss your fears and frustrations, etc… with a person and a place that isn’t going to judge or rat you out. Sort of an oasis in the desert of stress, frustration, and anxiety, or maybe you could call it a pause in all that, where you can examine it without being in it.
Virtual doesn’t really have that- you’re on a phone or a PC, and you’ve still got your phone, whatever’s going on outside, and so forth, so you’re not as engaged as you are in person, which I find to be very important. You don’t get that “pause” or that break from daily life via virtual.